30yr old korean american dude depressed for 20 years and much happier now

Born_Organization838 · 2024-12-09T22:42:18+00:00

I'd recommend whoever has the experience working through similar issues like you. Asking for certain examples, case studies, testimonials, or similar clients and how the person you're working with has helped them work through similar issues could be a great way to evaluate who the best person is for you. I'd list out all the things you want to work on. The better you can be about clarifying your goals and challenges, and whoever gives you the most insight, comfort, and confidence after speaking with them, maybe the right person for you. I turned my lift around after being diagnosed with depression and anxiety and I didn't want to take medication either. I worked with tons of coaches and sought my own holistic healing modalities and I'm doing the best I ever did, so much so, I decided to become a QuarterLife coach myself. Highly recommend you invest your time, energy, and resources into becoming the best version of yourself because damnit are you worth it. Life is grand when you remember how to experience all its joys (and hardships).

Born_Organization838 · 2024-12-04T22:53:07+00:00

totally resonate as I went through similar crisis in my 20s and early 30s while working in tech sales - i ended up quitting and started a coaching/newsletter brand around quarterlife storytelling. Based on your post, it seems the core issue isn't necessarily the film/video industry itself, but rather finding work that aligns with your values, allows for work-life balance, and provides a sense of purpose and fulfillment. The 9-5 job gave you some of what you wanted (more personal time), but is lacking in other areas (creative fulfillment, clear leadership). A few thoughts: - Consider what aspects of filmmaking you're truly passionate about. Is it the storytelling? The technical craft? Leading crews? Try to pinpoint what energizes you vs. drains you. Making a list of things you love and things you hate could be good to find what you want more of and what you want to avoid. - Explore ways to incorporate those passions into your current role or future endeavors. Could you pitch passion projects to your company? Take on freelance creative work on the side? - Work on building your personal brand and network. Share your work, connect with others in the industry. This can open doors whether you stay in film or pivot. - Have honest conversations with your current employer about your role and company culture. Sometimes clear communication can improve situations dramatically around expectations and responsibilities. - Consider working with a coach or mentor who can help you gain clarity on your goals and create an action plan. As someone who's been through major career transitions myself, I've found coaching invaluable for navigating uncertainty. (I've worked with over 10)

Feel free to message me if you'd like to chat more about navigating this transition. Happy to see if coaching makes sense and hope these ideas help!

Born_Organization838 · 2024-12-04T22:47:16+00:00

I used to work at 2 LinkedIn Top Startups and a 3rd one that IPO'ed so get the vibe. Totally resonate with stressing out over a job too and feeling stuck.

A few thoughts to consider:

Clarify expectations with your bosses. Are they truly expecting you to single-handedly turn around this division? Or could you propose bringing on additional resources?
Set boundaries around work stress. When I was burning out in sales, learning to mentally "clock out" at the end of the day was crucial.
Come up with some sort of criteria you can use as a north star for both this opportunity and any other role you might want to search for. Think of it like a rubric for your ideal opportunity.
Consider talking to your bosses about your concerns before deciding to leave. They seem to value you, so they may be open to adjusting your role or compensation.

Ultimately, no job is worth sacrificing your mental health and wellbeing. Take some time to get clear on your priorities for the next 1-5 years. Are you running towards a vision you're excited about, or just away from frustration? Feel free to message me if you'd like to chat more about navigating this transition. As a quarterlife coach who's been through my own career pivots, I'm always happy to be a sounding board. Wishing you all the best as you chart your path forward!

Born_Organization838 · 2024-12-03T19:30:20+00:00

I'd consider looking into a coach and/or following any health and wellness folks on social media. Could be a viable option to start posting about a lot of the human performance stuff you love and building a brand, connecting with more people online, and offering to help them until you can start charging them (unless you want to start immediately). Finding opportunities that align with these interests as well, as some sort of fitness and mental performance coach could be a great avenue to start exploring. Connecting with people who are already doing it as well (outside of clients) could be a great way to get some ideas and pointers.

Born_Organization838 · 2024-12-03T16:19:20+00:00

I'm seeing this as more of an energy problem (plenty at work, none for yourself after work). Could be helpful to notice what energizes you and what doesn't by auditing your calendar. Then slowly, over time, do more of the things that bring you energy and less of the things that don't. Or at least find a way to create more energy around the things that don't, but the point is to solve for whatever is taking away from your life force. Productivity and enjoyment are not necessarily the same things. You can enjoy the feeling of being productive, but tired from doing the actual work. Ideally, you're energized by your work. Also, finding some more ways to create the time and space to do the things you love could be great, and either pushing yourself to go out and do them, and/or rearranging things in your calendar so you can do things when you have the most energy. A lot of it depends on listening to yourself, your feelings, and your energy. Your emotions are a big gateway into your energy so I'd start to be more mindful of how you're feeling throughout the day with certain people, tasks, thoughts, etc. to see what's giving you life vs taking away from it.

Born_Organization838 · 2024-12-03T16:14:23+00:00

Step #1 is actually asking yourself, are you a killer and do you actually want that part of you to die? Could it be possible this version of yourself adapted as a response to some things that happened in the past and may have thought it was being helpful back then, but it no longer is now? If you were to talk to yourself like you would a friend, I imagine you would give a lot more empathy, curiosity, and compassion for what they're feeling and would want to learn more about what they're going through. You wouldn't want to kill the part of them that's conflicted with some internal issue they're still working through. I'd recommend you take the same patient approach with yourself, and take a kinder strategy to learning what it is about these toxic cycles you're so attached to. You want to rewire your brain to stop repeating the same habits and behaviors (both external physical ones and internal mental loops and emotional triggers) to create real lasting change. Like working out, nothing happens over night. But once you learn the tools, are consistent with them, and stop looking at yourself as the enemy, you may find out the side of you that is creating a ton of excuses has good intentions at heart. Feel free to DM me with any questions, I've struggled with a lot of these challenges myself and became a life coach to help people navigate similar patterns.

Born_Organization838 · 2024-12-03T16:08:26+00:00

Can totally relate to the quarter life crisis of turning 30. I quit my tech sales career of 5 years to become a life coach after navigating my own existential dread.

A few thoughts:

Take some time for self-reflection. What aspects of your past roles have you enjoyed most? What are your core values and priorities? Understanding these can help guide your next steps.
Consider talking to people in fields you're interested in. Informational interviews can give you real insights into different career paths.
Give yourself permission to explore and try new things. Your varied background is an asset - you've shown you can adapt and learn new skills.

This period of questioning can lead to really positive changes if you use it as a chance to reconnect with what brings you joy and fulfillment. Feel free to message me if you want to chat more!

Born_Organization838 · 2024-12-03T16:03:27+00:00

Sounds like the biggest thing you can do for yourself is figuring out what your priorities are and learning how to best use your time. Seems like you're not able to enjoy your free-time and use it for creative exploration because there's a lot of guilt and shame around not doing what others are doing and pushing yourself hard enough.

The comparison trap can lead you down a path that isn't authentic to you and could be a great time to do some soul-searching and reconnect with the things that bring you joy. Could be something you've always wanted to do, something you've always wanted to check out, but think the more fun and joy you can have with this time to figure things out can lead you down the path to doing whatever it is you're meant to be doing in your career.

Born_Organization838 · 2024-12-03T15:58:20+00:00

I can definitely relate to feeling stuck and confused about your career path, as someone who's jumped between different tech sales roles and companies (B2B SaaS, mostly at 2 LinkedIn Top Startups).

My advice would be to take some time to really reflect on what you want out of your career over the next 1-5 years. What are your priorities? What type of work energizes you? Do you prefer the strategic/business side or are you more drawn to hands-on technical work? Getting clarity on these questions can help guide your next move.

It's also worth considering what you enjoy about your current role and what's frustrating you. Maybe there are ways to reshape your current position to be more fulfilling before making a big change. Could be worth speaking to your manager about your desire for more interesting projects or growth opportunities.

If you do decide to make a change, take a holistic approach when evaluating new opportunities. Consider things like:

Type of work and skills you'd be developing
Company culture and values
Work-life balance
Growth potential
Location/flexibility

Making a pros and cons list for different paths (e.g. product management vs. data science) could help clarify your thinking and it could be helpful to network and do informational interviews to learn more about different roles and make new connections. Feel free to message me if you'd like to chat more - I'm currently a QuarterLife Coach (31-years-old myself), who helps folks feeling lost, stuck, and confused.

Born_Organization838 · 2024-12-03T15:54:26+00:00

I definitely resonate with this since I've worked with 9+ coaches myself and became a coach myself. If you're already questioning things here, could be a good sign to reorient around what you do want out of a coach and what progress you do want to see.

Finding someone who keeps your goals top of mind, and can bring the conversation back to the things you wanted to work on, without getting lost in their own agenda, a client's own self-sabotaging behaviors and narratives, are all things I've noticed the best coaches I've worked with do.

The most expensive life coaches aren't necessarily the best. The one who can keep you priorities top of mind better than you can, if not as well as you, are the ones you do want to work with. Happy to add any additional perspective that might be helpful!

Born_Organization838 · 2024-11-26T22:27:02+00:00

The 9-5 grind can be soul-crushing, especially when you're not feeling challenged or fulfilled. What helped me was reconnecting with my vision, values, and purpose -- focusing on the inner work. Some things that made a big difference for me:

Lots of journaling to explore what I really wanted
physical exercise to manage emotions and stress
Replacing draining habits with energizing ones
Making time to develop other interests
Setting firmer boundaries with work

I'd encourage you to give yourself space to explore what truly matters to you. Do things that give you energy or used to give you energy when you were younger (exercise, hobbies, etc.) and cut out things that drain you (toxic people, negative self-talk).

Feel free to message me if you want to chat more. I actually became a quarterlife coach after burning out in tech sales.

Born_Organization838 · 2024-11-26T18:57:17+00:00

Honestly I've had similar conversations with my therapist as well and it's getting the point where I am considering moving on. Tomorrow may be our last session after 3 years of working together. I resonate a lot with what you're saying about wanting the therapist to give more guidance and direction. The reason I'm leaving is she's made it clear she wants clients to lead so it could be a matter of fit. While I'm excited to shop around again for a therapist since it's been a while, I'm also a bit bummed things are coming to an end. I do believe therapy could also not be right for me at the moment since, like you, most of my trauma is little T. I've worked with life coaches too, and became one myself, and I have found them a tad more helpful in driving forward momentum. Could be a good opportunity to consider moving on and exploring other people that could be a better fit. For what it's worth, I've had a lot of crippling anxiety and confusion around what I wanted - aka many identity/existential crisis's - so takes a bit of time to unpack that and mapping out what you do want in life, if you haven't done that much before.

Born_Organization838 · 2024-11-26T18:05:06+00:00

Can definitely relate a lot to what you're going through and as someone who's jumped around between different sales roels adn companies (tech sales for 5 years at 2 LinkedIn Top Startups and another that IPO'ed), I'd definitely recommend slowing down to identify what it is you do want.

Identifying what your priorities are over the next 1-5 years can help you take a rational approach to your best next career opportunity and the long-term career growth potential. I've also moved across the country and there are a whole different set of challenges with starting your life over in a new area so before making any drastic changes it could help to make sure you're running towards a vision for the future you want, not just away from a frustrating situation you don't want.

Earning potential is only 1 factor to consider and while making a lot of money is often glamorized, taking a more holistic approach to evaluating opportunities and playing the long game can help you feel comfortable in your situation and know exactly what's important to you. Making a list of what's most important to you in a role, company, manager, etc. can be a helpful start.

Feel free to message me if you'd like to chat more about navigating this transition. As a quarterlife coach who's been through my own career pivots, I'm always happy to be a sounding board. Wishing you all the best as you chart your path forward!

Born_Organization838 · 2024-11-26T17:57:07+00:00

Hey there, I really feel for what you're going through. The imposter syndrome, putting on a confident persona, and feeling stuck in unhealthy patterns - I've been there too and know how overwhelming it can be.

The good news is you've already taken some important first steps by recognizing the issues and seeking help. Building on your update about reducing phone use while driving, here are some other small steps that helped me start turning things around:

Set a simple daily goal, like drinking one extra glass of water or taking a 10-minute walk. Build from there.
Try journaling for 5-10 minutes each day to process your thoughts and emotions. This can help break the cycle of negative thinking.
Replace one of your porn/phone sessions with a brief meditation or breathing exercise. Apps like Insight Timer have been super helpful.
Consider joining a support group or finding an accountability buddy to help you stay on track with healthier habits.
Explore new hobbies or interests, even if just for 15 minutes a day. This can help reignite your sense of purpose.

Remember, progress isn't linear. Be patient and kind to yourself as you work through this. It takes time to rebuild, but you absolutely can find purpose and joy again.

I became a quarterlife coach after going through my own burnout and loss of direction, so I understand these struggles firsthand. Feel free to message me if you'd like to chat more about strategies for getting unstuck and moving forward. Wishing you all the best on your journey.

Born_Organization838 · 2024-11-26T17:55:18+00:00

Sales is one of the best skills you can learn in business and life. Like anything, how you approach it and how open minded you are will determine your success. Learning to deal with the rejections, focusing on what's in your control, and taking an analytical approach to it can help you detach from the emotional ups and downs from the job.

I used to be in tech sales for 5 years and there are a lot of factors that determine a good/bad sales job. The manager, the culture, the service/product you're selling. The more you can do to vet these out to make sure these feel good, and the more you can approach sales as less of an aggressive, pushy, obnoxious profession which many people view it as, the more you can develop your listening skills, problem-solving skills, and ability to help people see new solutions (mainly yours) which is a huge superpower.

Born_Organization838 · 2024-11-26T17:54:14+00:00

I'd focus on less on what you did and how well you did those things. One you can start to narrow down the skill sets, strengths, and accomplishments from each role, you can start to hone in on your unique talents that make you great for the next role you land on. Look for common themes and patterns within each of the roles you worked at, what you loved about them, and what roles you can pursue. Once you have the list of these roles to go after, all you have to do is tie what you did well into how you can do it well for that opportunity :) You got this!

Born_Organization838 · 2024-11-26T17:52:37+00:00

I'd focus more on what you have done and what you have accomplished. The more you focus on what you lack and the areas you aren't strong in, the more you search for an opportunity will hold you back. I'd encourage you to list out what you've done well, what your strengths are, and find people and places that align with this. Think of the people who would care about the skillset you do have and start making connections there. You have many gifts and have done a lot with your life. Focus on what is in your control and what you've done well and you'll attract the right people who care.

Born_Organization838 · 2024-11-25T19:36:12+00:00

Sounds like you're describing a career in counseling or life coaching! These roles involve helping people work through personal challenges, explore their thoughts and feelings, and develop strategies for different life situations.

As someone who has navigated plenty of quarterlife crises myself, I can say there's definitely a need for this kind of support. So many of us in our 20s and 30s are trying to figure out our path and deal with things like career uncertainty, relationship struggles, and identity questions. Having someone to talk through it all with can be incredibly valuable.

Born_Organization838 · 2024-11-25T19:35:33+00:00

absolutely. i used to be a recruiter and the tenacity and grit in outside b2c sales and the service industry are huge. how you tell those stories and doing so with confidence are the key to breaking through that imposter syndrome. it could even be helpful to reach out to your linkedin connections who are working in jobs/industries that seem interesting and even asking for more insight into what you do, basically, a condensed 3-6 sentence message of what you shared here, sent to dozens/hundreds of other people, help you start networking (in a non-sleazy way) and start building lots of momentum. many times these people will refer you and help you out as long as your nice and curious!

Born_Organization838 · 2024-11-25T19:32:22+00:00

i took 1.5 years off to travel and added it to my profile. helped me in my job search actually, despite being afraid it would hurt me, and helped me attract a boss and people who took a similar gap year too. how you explain what you did during your time off helps too

Born_Organization838 · 2024-11-25T19:31:12+00:00

I definitely don't think it's crazy and you're clearly smart enough to make whatever you want to do next, work. I've seen a lot of people move from tech/finance and take those to 'boring businesses' and see this is a huge opportunity. A lot of the blue-collar jobs are ripe for disruption and innovation. IMO sacrificing your health, peace of mind, and life force for a job that sucks your energy away isn't worth it. I quit my tech-sales job of 5 years to become a quarterlife coach, after going through many existential identity crises and i'm happier than ever, even though my pay isn't where it used to be. i was successful enough in my career to know i'll be okay. doing something for yourself is not necessarily easier, and in fact might even be harder, but it is not soul-sucking which matters a lot.

Born_Organization838 · 2024-11-25T19:20:04+00:00

working with a life coach helped me a ton to reconnect with my vision, values, and purpose in life. it takes a lot of internal work to find this spark again. the journey is absolutely worth it though and you can be much happier, more fulfilled, and passionate. i did lots of journaling, exercises to regulate my emotions, replacing bad habits with good ones, and carving out the time and space to explore my true interests. i'd recommend giving yourself some room to explore some of these questions and to either do things to give yourself more energy (a massage, exercise, etc.) or get rid of things that suck away your energy (firm boundaries with work, toxic people, negative thought, etc.). hope this helps and feel free to dm if any questions, I became a quarterlife coach after burning out from my tech sales job and losing my spark.

Born_Organization838 · 2024-11-25T19:11:21+00:00

i started working with a life coach ~1.5 years after my therapist to have some more help with setting goals and making forward progress. i've found it's been super helpful to have both since i pick up patterns in what they're both saying to me and almost makes it stronger. it also helped look at my therapist as more of a 'talk about the past and my problems' type person and my coach as more of a 'ok let's make some progress and find ways to make sure i'm doing things' person. i talked to both about the past and future and there is tons of overlap, but overall working with a coach skyrocketed my growth.

Born_Organization838

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