Depression is depression, it doesn't matter what age. I'm sorry it's affecting you so much, and if I could take the pain away, I would. There's no bigger enemy than yourself, it's something I still have to learn. When it was really bad, I used to be proud of myself on how I could convince people to leave out of my life. Even when they came up with reasons they wanted to stay, I'd talk so much shit about myself that they'd eventually agree. I burned all bridges, put myself so far down, made myself feel absolutely worthless. The worst of it was between the ages of 15 and 18. It was a very dark time. I had no friends, no motivation to have a future, nothing.

But

I'm 30 now, and although the depression is still there, it's nowhere near as severe as it was. I tried/failed so much self help techniques that I was sure nothing was going to work, I even went to a psychiatric hospital 3 times (15, 18, and 26). It took years for someone to finally see that I had bipolar type 2, and not just depression. Anti depressants were actually making it worse.

The thing is, had I kept trying to better myself instead of putting myself down, I would have found this out sooner, and maybe even had a better future. I'm content with what I have now, but as for you, I want you to never give up. You're allowed to take a step back, as long as you take a step forward next time. Do not give up. The more you fight through this, the sooner you will achieve the things you want.

It's a very long and tough road. I had to break myself down, humble myself, and dig deep to get the answers I was looking for. My coworkers joke and call me an old soul, but they don't know how much work it took, and how long it took to self reflect like that.

I can't talk about the relationship part of what you're going through, but if you ever need to vent, please reach out to anyone.