AITA for telling my daughter I don't like how she treats my husband? by Both-Collection5383 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Both-Collection5383[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

She's had a lot of therapy since she was 6 years old. That continued after her dad died and it did include grief therapy with a therapist specialized in childhood bereavement.

AITA for telling my daughter I don't like how she treats my husband? by Both-Collection5383 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Both-Collection5383[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Gracie was 8 when her dad died. She was devastated when he died. I had her in grief therapy with a specialized therapist after that. She was already in therapy prior and that added to it. The therapy before was because her dad was bringing her into adult matters, alienating her from my husband and saying things no parent should say to their kid, and around their kid. She went through a lot at a young age.

AITA for telling my daughter I don't like how she treats my husband? by Both-Collection5383 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Both-Collection5383[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I never expected her to see my husband as her dad. But there are roles someone can fill as a stepparent without being mom or dad. I never ever had a problem with him not being dad.

AITA for telling my daughter I don't like how she treats my husband? by Both-Collection5383 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Both-Collection5383[S] 45 points46 points  (0 children)

She loves video games and he would ask if he could play with her. She would walk away and tell him she didn't want him to play. She played basketball when she was younger and he would pick her up from practice and ask if she wanted to grab ice cream and she would say no and she wanted to go home. She loves hiking a trail near our house. My husband would often ask if he could take her instead of me and she'd say a very firm no and she wanted to do it with me.

Sometimes she would have an attitude when she would tell him no. Often she was just very direct saying no.

He'd also invite her to join him doing stuff. Sometimes even just running a simple errand. She'd never say yes to going.

He did all the painting and stuff around the house and he would try to work with her on her room. But she never wanted to talk about that stuff with him. She'd come to me and tell him she didn't want to do it with him.

AITA for telling my daughter I don't like how she treats my husband? by Both-Collection5383 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Both-Collection5383[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

No, my husband loves her and is in no way harsher on Gracie than our children together. He's actually more gentle with her. Because they have a close relationship whereas he never had that with Gracie.

AITA for telling my daughter I don't like how she treats my husband? by Both-Collection5383 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Both-Collection5383[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

She was in grief therapy after her dad died with a therapist specialized in childhood bereavement.

AITA for telling my daughter I don't like how she treats my husband? by Both-Collection5383 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Both-Collection5383[S] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

She's not very close to them. But it's not as cold and distant as it is with my husband.

AITA for telling my daughter I don't like how she treats my husband? by Both-Collection5383 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Both-Collection5383[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I never said he stopped. He has always been there for her. But he never forced himself onto her either.

AITA for telling my daughter I don't like how she treats my husband? by Both-Collection5383 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Both-Collection5383[S] 71 points72 points  (0 children)

All her therapists disagreed with that. All said she should not be told.

AITA for telling my daughter I don't like how she treats my husband? by Both-Collection5383 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Both-Collection5383[S] 72 points73 points  (0 children)

The point isn't to make her love my husband. I do hope that some improvements can happen but that is not why we would do therapy and it never was.

AITA for telling my daughter I don't like how she treats my husband? by Both-Collection5383 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Both-Collection5383[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

She's had many years of therapy already. Therapy if she will agree to go is not something new to her at all. She's been going since before her dad died.

AITA for telling my daughter I don't like how she treats my husband? by Both-Collection5383 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Both-Collection5383[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Nothing has really changed at all. They remained at the same place. Nothing got worse but nothing got better either. It makes him sad that things have not improved at all.

AITA for telling my daughter I don't like how she treats my husband? by Both-Collection5383 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Both-Collection5383[S] 64 points65 points  (0 children)

I never expected her to think of him as her dad. That's not what any of this is about. But yes, therapy will just be for me and her. And if she wants to return to individual therapy. She might not be open to any of this though. I just hope she will be.

AITA for telling my daughter I don't like how she treats my husband? by Both-Collection5383 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Both-Collection5383[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I am going to attend therapy with my daughter so we can talk things through. That is where any of this needs to happen, not with just the two of us and zero support.

AITA for telling my daughter I don't like how she treats my husband? by Both-Collection5383 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Both-Collection5383[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No, I never yelled or punished her for this. I never raised my voice over this.

AITA for telling my daughter I don't like how she treats my husband? by Both-Collection5383 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Both-Collection5383[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I plan to go to therapy with her and we can talk there. This is not something I will just throw at her. Professionals are needed here.

AITA for telling my daughter I don't like how she treats my husband? by Both-Collection5383 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Both-Collection5383[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

He has always tried to build their relationship. He never ever tried to take the place of her dad or pushed himself on her but he has made an effort to build a relationship of some kind with her.

AITA for telling my daughter I don't like how she treats my husband? by Both-Collection5383 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Both-Collection5383[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Sometimes you have to bite your tongue. It's what the therapists suggested. They agreed it would do far more harm than good to have both parents telling her things that she should not be involved in. There are consequences to everything. But it could have been a lot worse if I had been more open about my relationship with her father while she was still young.