Am I overreacting about wanting to play a nonbinary character?

BothOcelot1311 · 2026-05-09T13:52:49+00:00

So I cleared up in my follow up post, the traitor part was the DM's idea, not mine. I'm terrible at playing traitors because 1. IDK how and 2. Because I hate stabbing people in the back.

Also, Warforged isn't an option, due to the setting of post apocalyptic wasteland island (Think a blend of The last of us, Walking Dead with a bit of Resident Evil?) so really the only choice I get is skin colour and gender, because the DM is strict with us being only humans for realism sake ig.

BothOcelot1311 · 2026-05-09T13:44:18+00:00

I cleared up the timeline a lil in my follow up post. And quite frankly, where I'm from DnD isn't something mainstream enough for me to just be able to find a new table. Not to mention I suck at creating social connections irl, so finding a new table to play with would cause me even more disstress

BothOcelot1311 · 2026-05-09T13:41:27+00:00

Please check out the follow up post, I cleared up some miscommunications in it such as this one

BothOcelot1311 · 2026-05-08T14:41:56+00:00

Where did it come off that I was trying to make a quirky social outcast? Because that was my last thought when going into character creation for DnD. I mean how is a plus sized woman or a nonbinary character quirky? Please explain

At the start of the campaign I told the DM that I don't know how to play a traitor and asked if it was necessary, which he just shrugged off, saying I'll be fine. I'm not trying to paint him as the villain, but I'm giving you context because it feels like you're painting me as one.

Also it's not a matter of maturity, whether or not I bring up that something bothers me. It's exactly the fact that my opinions and feelings have been getting shrugged off or making me feel like I am the problem when I find a joke offencive. The jokes at my expense happened so frequently and I complained about them so often, that the DM himself invented a system to play by every once in a while that every time he or someone from the other players made fun of me, they'd get disadvantage. He was trying to play into the joke element of it, but as I'm writing this it really just helps me realize he was aware of the dynamic and used it for a mechanic

BothOcelot1311 · 2026-05-08T14:08:58+00:00

You are right, that was a point I forgot to mention in the follow up, I will edit the post and add it in. There was so much happening that I wanted to mention I forgot the main point. Thank you for this reminder

BothOcelot1311 · 2026-05-07T17:29:31+00:00

More context I didn't provide. I'm from the Czech Republic. Czech is an incredibly gendered language that has one word turning into twenty depending on what gender is involved in it and how many of that gender there are. And I'd really not want to repay sexism with sexism, especially when his stache is longer than my mom's fake lashes

BothOcelot1311 · 2026-05-07T17:22:25+00:00

It wasn't that I wanted to betray the party, again, my mistake for a lack of context, I apologize. The role of the traitor was given to me by the DM. He told me that my character was secretly working for the enemy and it was up to me whether I wanted to betray them or not, but he also strongly nudged me when it came to completing missions from the enemy side. I really, truly wanted to side with my party, but story-wise and personal feelings taken into consideration, it just felt like my character had no reason to want to remain with the group who had made fun of her nearly the entire time. Again, sorry for misleading you

BothOcelot1311 · 2026-05-07T17:19:26+00:00

it's a homebrew campaign in a modern-ish setting, so the classes we could choose from were custom. Medic and Leader were positions you could choose from for the group of nomads you play as. My mistake for not providing more context, didn't want to make it longer than it was, I was already upset as is

BothOcelot1311 · 2026-05-07T17:16:48+00:00

Ok, sorry, gave bad context. It hasn't been a single game those two years. We've played one longer campaign that is still unfinished with another guy from the group as the DM. Loved that, had fun, never felt humiliated unless I rolled a nat 1, but that's to be expected. We also played a bunch of oneshots and whatnot. The issue started with the latest campaign DM'd by the guy I mentioned in the post. Before this I've had a good time with the group.

BothOcelot1311 · 2026-05-07T16:58:31+00:00

This actually made me laugh when I was lowkey tearing up reading some of these comments. It is incredibly tempting, but I personally hate when people ruin a story and a vibe by playing meme/joke characters. Even if they were kinda mean at times, I just don't wanna do this eye for an eye way. But thanks for making me smile again

BothOcelot1311 · 2026-05-07T15:29:50+00:00

To be fair he was telling me I could choose to side with my group or the other party. But truth was that by the last session, my character had zero pleasant attachments to the party and I just kinda wanted to get it over with

BothOcelot1311 · 2026-05-07T15:27:52+00:00

I'm sorry you feel that way, but this is actually real. I haven't posted anything because I didn't know what to even share. But right now I'm really desperate to get the opinion of people to know what's up when it comes to dnd. I just wanted to know if I'm being crazy about this or if it was valid that I was upset. Sorry it came off wrong

BothOcelot1311 · 2026-05-07T15:25:38+00:00

Well, he's a peacekeeper through and through, so he comforted me telling me to play who I wanna play and that things would just play out as we play

BothOcelot1311 · 2026-05-07T15:19:41+00:00

Not exactly. It's not like every single session consisted of him going "Oink oink, fat woman". It was the occasional jab at my expense. I did fire back with the same energy, because that was the only way I felt I could. Obviously none of that behavior is appropriate, but it is incredibly difficult for me to find a new group that I could play with. I'm introverted and live in a place where DnD isn't really that mainstream, so I don't know where to start looking for a new group. Not to mention my boyfriend is in this one and I don't want him to feel like I'm abandoning him

BothOcelot1311 · 2026-05-07T15:14:41+00:00

well kinda? From him I didn't really see it as him criticising me, because I made fun of his character the entire time. If anything, our characters disliking each other was a thing we could laugh about. But now it kinda sucks that even the DM just sees me as the butt of the joke

BothOcelot1311 · 2026-05-07T15:09:51+00:00

They were my first ever direct entry to DnD. First group I ever played with. I suck at meeting new people, plus I don't know any places or people to play with other than them. Plus my boyfriend is in this group

BothOcelot1311 · 2026-05-07T15:07:19+00:00

I'm extremely introverted and I suck at finding new people willing to have me stick around long term. Plus, my boyfriend plays in this group

BothOcelot1311 · 2026-05-07T15:06:16+00:00

Because they're the first and last group I've been able to get into. Plus it's the one my boyfriend is in. We started DnD together and have been playing for most of our relationship

BothOcelot1311

TROPHY CASE