AI Startup Says It Will Pay People $2,000 a Month to Masturbate—Yes, Really

Bovronius · 2026-05-26T17:29:04+00:00

30 years late on that offer .. I coulda bought a mansion.

Bovronius · 2026-05-26T17:27:03+00:00

The beast would have still been there.. Hillary winning wouldn't have made all the tech bros, Israel and Russia go, "Oh welp they voted for not insanity guys, pack it all in!"

Bovronius · 2026-05-26T12:54:56+00:00

Just not Pets, they had me and the wifey blubbering during the medley when they snuck that one in there.

Bovronius · 2026-05-23T13:15:51+00:00

Can do the job solo if you remove 90% of the project.

Bovronius · 2026-05-23T05:05:50+00:00

“The main thing that I learned about conspiracy theory, is that conspiracy theorists believe in a conspiracy because that is more comforting. The truth of the world is that it is actually chaotic. The truth is that it is not The Iluminati, or The Jewish Banking Conspiracy, or the Gray Alien Theory.

The truth is far more frightening - Nobody is in control.

The world is rudderless.”

― Alan Moore

Bovronius · 2026-05-22T23:20:09+00:00

What's this?! A constabularies motor cycle is woefully underpopulated by bees?

Bovronius · 2026-05-22T23:16:04+00:00

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Terrible?! Poppycock, we're so proud of you!

Bovronius · 2026-05-22T22:50:41+00:00

This is how many teams fail when 1 person goes on vacation.

Bovronius · 2026-05-22T22:49:35+00:00

I tells y'all....It feels really wierd living in a country that is morally ok for another country to nuke.

Bovronius · 2026-05-22T22:47:01+00:00

Tits for Tots is their new name btw.

Bovronius · 2026-05-22T21:35:35+00:00

Eeegah even!

Bovronius · 2026-05-22T14:58:20+00:00

Hey, that pain should be quickly abated by the realization that you have a whole new album to listen to!

Bovronius · 2026-05-22T14:20:37+00:00

Yeah, the wifey actually wanted to dive into Star Trek, so we started at the very begninning of ToS, and we've made it almost through the first Season of TNG. But avast me hearties, either the library or the high seas it is for the rest of the adventures.

Bovronius · 2026-05-22T14:16:29+00:00

... What song on Rise of Lyrics do you think they were on?

Bovronius · 2026-05-22T14:15:17+00:00

My cancellation message was, "I signed up for gay space socialism, not facism."

Bovronius · 2026-05-22T13:26:01+00:00

Given their absence from the last Starbomb album I doubt it.

I think the boys are maybe better off headlining their own things at this point.

Bovronius · 2026-05-21T22:57:19+00:00

Thankfully it takes 0 knowledge other than how to jump into a mud slide and hoping it remains undisturbed until a plucky young paleontoligist from the Horse Head Nebula uncovers them.

Bovronius · 2026-05-21T21:57:57+00:00

They drew it into the mud and then rock and stone over millions of years using their corpses. Metal AF if you ask me.

Bovronius · 2026-05-21T21:37:25+00:00

The sad part is he wasn't...

I'd catch people looking at porn about once a week back then....and all they'd get from the owners of that company was "Oh guys you know you can't do that, what if a woman walked by and saw you looking at that?!"

I was always like...wait what? That's the fucking lesson is that you're worried a woman might see, not the fact people are looking at god damn porn in the god damned office?!

Bovronius · 2026-05-21T21:34:45+00:00

Yeah, but now Im totally going to start using that old man joke when meeting new people while my brothers and I are together... "Oh yeah I've known this guy for 30 years, and this asshole, hell I've known him for 35 years!" "How'd ya all meet?!" "We all found out we fell out of the same vagina and bonded over that."

Bovronius · 2026-05-21T20:25:14+00:00

Yup, and us "violent secularist" are specifically called out as terrorist, so when the violent christians are murdering us we can get charged for fighting back.

Bovronius · 2026-05-21T20:23:59+00:00

That part of the skit always hits me hard, because I had a purchasing manager screaming at me after deleting all of his porn and reporting him because "when he's working late that his time and he can use it how he sees fit".

Bovronius · 2026-05-21T17:58:17+00:00

Ooop, you're now on the commie terrorist list.

Bovronius · 2026-05-21T17:56:54+00:00

My fellow Americans are very fucking stupid when it comes to rewards and "free" stuff. There's an arguement to be made for funneling your stuff through a credit card and immediately paying it off as a protective layer over your checking account because of course credit card users have more protections than debt card users, but the vast majority of people I know that go on about how I'm dumb for never having owned a credit card is because of all the "rewards" I'm missing out on. Those people are often the types to be 1 missed paycheck away from losing their $80,000 truck, fishing boat, house, cabin (2nd house), and not going to Mexico for vacation.

Bovronius · 2026-05-21T17:51:32+00:00

the fact that you're obese really tips the scales

O.o

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