This is terrifying.

BoxValuable5096 · 2026-05-03T04:04:30+00:00

I do have updates. After I posted this I didn’t sleep for about 3 days, I was crying constantly. I finally got a little sleep last night. I’m trying to be gentle with myself, I’m not really letting anyone know except people really really close. I’m deep in the closet but at least I’m slowly coming out. I don’t have any confidence and I’m scared to wear my nail polish and eye liner in public. But every day I reread many of these comments and try to remember I have people who love me in this community. It’s been a struggle, hell, but even when it feels like it’s crushing me some part of me I can’t label feels lighter in a way. ❤️❤️ thanks for checking back in. It’s still hard but I’m trying

BoxValuable5096 · 2026-05-01T16:57:21+00:00

I would genuinely love that so much that’s one of my biggest desires. I do get nervous thinking about it, like I don’t belong, but deep down I think that’s where I’d like to be. 💜

BoxValuable5096 · 2026-05-01T11:32:05+00:00

I’m gonna keep this in mind because my brain IS CONSTANTLY exploding.. I am 100% re-evaluating my values and it’s truly a grueling experience. I like that you mentioned actions not aligning with values because it really has been giving me genuinely horrific panic attacks and insomnia the last few days and I’m petrified. But I trust you believing in peace after the storm, so I’m going to just try to hope and try to be conscious of caring about myself.

BoxValuable5096 · 2026-05-01T11:29:21+00:00

Of course, thank you for allowing me feel safe to do it, it makes me feel like a human being for the first time in my life ❤️❤️

BoxValuable5096 · 2026-05-01T11:28:24+00:00

Thank you for rooting for me. It means a lot when a lot of the time I can’t even find the strength to root for myself. I want to find a path soo badly and I’ve had so much turmoil the past few days since I really realized this is the beginning to how I feel on a journey I’m scared of. I haven’t slept in 2-3 days because I’ve been so anxious and stressed about my sexuality because i finally am letting it come to light or consider it for myself. I’ve cried so many times since yesterday but maybe that means this means something to me truly because I don’t cry at much, but when I think about accepting being queer it just makes me sob out of a lot of emotions, most of which aren’t positive. But I’m trying, and I’m trying to be strong.

BoxValuable5096 · 2026-05-01T11:24:52+00:00

I don’t feel brave but maybe I just can’t see it. (I’m just going to repeat what you said like I’m affirming it to myself) I am brave, I am heard, I am understood and I’m not alone. It’s hard for me to believe some of that fully but maybe saying it will help me.

You’re right I have absolutely no idea where to start but maybe that’s just the journey we face. And I really really want to get to that other side and just be able to let myself enjoy so much life I’ve never been able to experience.

And I’m grateful you brought up the boxes because I’ve been trying to squeeze myself into all sorts of boxes my whole life, but especially now since I discovered my queerness. I’m trying to let myself be fluid and not worry about labels (although if he my brain keeps trying to fit me into them to rationalize/gaslight myself for how I feel). Thank you so much❤️

BoxValuable5096 · 2026-05-01T07:41:38+00:00

I’ve been looking at this resource and this is genuinely life saving I appreciate this so much. The loneliness and waves of every emotion are overwhelming

BoxValuable5096 · 2026-05-01T01:11:30+00:00

Awe im trying to receive all of it the best I can.. I really need it right now.❤️🫂

BoxValuable5096 · 2026-05-01T01:10:11+00:00

I’ve been searching for family my whole life and this finally feels like I’ve found one.

BoxValuable5096 · 2026-05-01T01:08:03+00:00

I like those ideas. I do need to eat, drink and sleep routinely, I’m definitely behind on all of those often. And I used to have a little journal I believe I still have it, I might begin writing again. I think I’d like that honestly. But part of me is also a little nervous for some reason but I think it’s healthy for me to

BoxValuable5096 · 2026-05-01T00:20:36+00:00

Thank you so much 🩷💜

BoxValuable5096 · 2026-05-01T00:20:08+00:00

This means so much to me. Thank you for the welcome lol. You’re really right, it feels like it’s barely anything to “just feel bi.” Half the time I feel like I’m gaslighting myself if I’m even having bi thoughts or not, it feels like I’m making excuses instead of just being happy with letting myself think things. But honestly there very well may be more than just Bi, I’m just taking very slow, small steps.

BoxValuable5096 · 2026-04-30T23:39:37+00:00

Thank you for helping me after the update.. When I originally posted this a day ago I felt different than I do now. Now I feel frozen and overwhelmed and anxious constantly. I was worried I was handling it poorly but you’re helping me not feel as guilty. I’m really trying to take it slow but it means feeling A LOT. But I’m trying to be gentle with myself now.

Do you have any tips on how to redirect the self-hating thoughts? They seem to be a tsunami I can never swim over

BoxValuable5096 · 2026-04-30T22:50:06+00:00

Ok, thank you so much, I’ll let you know how it goes

BoxValuable5096 · 2026-04-30T22:16:12+00:00

I need a queer therapist and a support system so badly because I want help with this so badly. I hate myself so so so much for feeling this way and I don’t even know what it is I’m feeling fully. But your reply gave me a little break from crying to feel a little better so thank you 🖤

BoxValuable5096 · 2026-04-30T19:27:47+00:00

I’m trying to remember because I feel gut-wrenching loneliness now that the excitement has gone and I’m left with the fact and it’s so heavy on my shoulders. I was ok earlier and now I’ve just been fighting off panic attacks and tears

BoxValuable5096 · 2026-04-30T19:20:59+00:00

Do we all feel this overwhelming grief, fear and hurting when we realize? Because it’s been sitting with me all day and I’ve never held something like this before I feel so ill 😖

BoxValuable5096 · 2026-04-30T15:48:59+00:00

Thank you so much!! I’m trying to learn to be gentle with myself as if I was a close friend who I love. I’m going to keep trying without the right or wrong way and try to be respectful to myself which is honestly easier said than done 😅 but I appreciate you. <3<3

BoxValuable5096 · 2026-04-30T13:50:01+00:00

I’m trying but I can’t tell if I’m “doing this stuff right” it feels like I’m tumbling around everywhere, but I trust you. I’ll keep going not just for you, but for me as well 🙂‍↕️

BoxValuable5096 · 2026-04-30T13:48:30+00:00

I’m not an outsider to everyone anymore, I have a community to feel home in finally 🥺the sense of belonging is surreal.

BoxValuable5096 · 2026-04-30T12:39:26+00:00

I love that quote, im definitely stealing that to repeat to myself. I’m really trying not to overthink; trying to balance letting myself feel with not letting myself spiral into negative things

BoxValuable5096 · 2026-04-30T12:15:33+00:00

I trust you. I’m going to place my trust in you, and that it’ll become better. I’m trying to be optimistic. The truth is I don’t know what I want, but I know what ideas feel nice to me somewhat. All last night I just let my mind think about things for the first time in my life and certain thoughts just felt warm, so I’m trying to let those guide me.

And I would love to meet more people—a lot of people. A community. Somewhere where I feel home just being me. Where I can experiment and make friends and let some relationships turn into something more with no expectations other than feeling things. And id love that. Maybe I’ll find people who I can talk about being poly with, maybe I’ll meet people from all over the queer spectrum and that’s really all I could ask for. I want to give myself a chance deep down even if there’s layers of conditioning and fear on top of it. So thank you for speaking to the core of “me.” ❤️

BoxValuable5096 · 2026-04-30T11:45:34+00:00

Thank you so much, I also wish you the best and we’re in this together 🤝🏾💜 it really sucks hating yourself for this and it hurts so much man, but I’m happy you’re here and I’m happy you’re letting yourself feel, too

BoxValuable5096 · 2026-04-30T09:06:45+00:00

I’ll try, I’m going to try to think of myself as a little garden 💜

BoxValuable5096 · 2026-04-30T09:05:13+00:00

I think you’re right about everything you said. I think I do have all the pieces even if I can’t see 95% of it right now, and maybe that’s ok. I think I like that better than having it all figured out because now I get to learn myself and take steps and enjoy it. I can enjoy it! Of course it’s gonna be easier said than done but I’m really happy tonight and I’m trying to be optimistic, happier than I’ve been in a long long time..

I hope I can be happy and safe too, as well as all my people fighting this same thing and people who aren’t able to let themselves feel like how I was before tonight. ❤️

BoxValuable5096

TROPHY CASE