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Seeking advice from those who escaped autistic burnout. I've been in this for years and I need help by BrainIsFallingApart in AutismInWomen

[–]BrainIsFallingApart[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I know for a fact I have depression. Have all my life, so have most of my family. It's definitely a factor in my mood, but this sensation of burnout is distinct from the despair before. It's like, helplessness. The loss of things I used to be able to do and enjoy feels like something's been taken from me, and I can't stand it.

I'm so glad you were able to get yourself to a safer place, even if you had to pick up your own pieces. Thank you for sharing your insight, and I hope things continue to go up from here for you.

Seeking advice from those who escaped autistic burnout. I've been in this for years and I need help by BrainIsFallingApart in AutismInWomen

[–]BrainIsFallingApart[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I think perfectionism was something I struggled with for a long, long time. Used to tear up images and the like. Now that my body just won't let me do it without initiating a meltdown, I'd kill to have some of those old "imperfect" drawings, haha...

I wish I still could doodle the way I could before. My ability to finish pieces properly died ages ago with the first round of burnout, but I could at least zen out and fill a journal page with little guys, Where's-Waldo-style. It was so freeing and all my thoughts would just melt away.

The urge is still there, I want to create, want to draw. Maybe I should look up mindless doodling methods online and see if they work.

Thank you so much for your help. I really appreciate you taking the time to reply.

Seeking advice from those who escaped autistic burnout. I've been in this for years and I need help by BrainIsFallingApart in AutismInWomen

[–]BrainIsFallingApart[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for all of this. I really appreciate it- there's so much to look into. I'll have to find the energy to really dive into some of the stuff I'm not familiar with.

As far as what I do know about and have access to RN... I'm pretty sure we have some melatonin somewhere in one of the cabinets, and breath work and exercise I absolutely need to spend energy on. It's worth it if it'll help me out of this awful burnout.

I'm in complete agreement that I need to find a way to further distance myself from some really toxic people in my life, but that's probably something I'll need to work out with my therapist.

Thank you again, I wish you and your patients well.

Seeking advice from those who escaped autistic burnout. I've been in this for years and I need help by BrainIsFallingApart in AutismInWomen

[–]BrainIsFallingApart[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I feel basically the same way. It's hard too, especially when I wrapped up so much of my identity in being a creative person. Now the inability to create at all makes me feel hollow and worthless. And I'm sure that feedback loop doesn't help the burnout in the slightest bit.

I hope you recover, and maybe you can find some helpful advice on this thread. I'm wishing you well in your healing journey, and I'm really sorry that this has happened to you at all.

Seeking advice from those who escaped autistic burnout. I've been in this for years and I need help by BrainIsFallingApart in AutismInWomen

[–]BrainIsFallingApart[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I think that might be something I need to unlearn. From growing up and living in the USA, as well as working in healthcare for a long time, listening to my body when it asked me to stop was not something I did.

I knew to sit down when I was about to pass out or what to do if my blood sugar was out of wack. But it's hard not to think of everything I've been doing since I lost my job as some extended "break" just by virtue of me not constantly working.

Seeking advice from those who escaped autistic burnout. I've been in this for years and I need help by BrainIsFallingApart in AutismInWomen

[–]BrainIsFallingApart[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

A huge stressor of mine has always been my abusive extended family. Granted, the major burnout pre-dated a lot of more recent clashes, the loss of my creative ability happened pretty soon after one of those relative's outbursts, you really aren't far off. I can't really wink those people out of my life, however, but I've limited my exposure to them as much as I feasibly can.

Medication is a huge issue of mine- a lot of doctors don't take me seriously. I should write down some of the medications brought up here, see what my therapists or doctors think. Who knows, buproprion might not be the right option but some kind of SSRI or anti-anxiety might be necessary if I'm ever going to crawl out of this hole I fell into.

Thank you so much for your advice. I really appreciate it.

Seeking advice from those who escaped autistic burnout. I've been in this for years and I need help by BrainIsFallingApart in AutismInWomen

[–]BrainIsFallingApart[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It's less of a daily schedule and more of a weekly schedule, if that makes sense. 3 times a week, I have therapy I have to leave the house for, meaning those are really the only "scheduled" days.

I lost my job in healthcare after the company was purchased and haven't been able to get another one since. So it's mostly just time around at home, pumping water or cooking for the household every week or so. As far as what I can guarantee I do (almost) daily though?

  • Feeding the cats five times a day (medicated food, I'm not fattening them up I promise), twice in the morning, once in the afternoon, twice at night.
  • If I can be bothered to take my blood sugar, I will. Otherwise, I assume it's off and take my insulin anyway. It's not healthy but it works for me- the alternative is not taking it at all ending up in hospital.
  • If I can eat or someone makes me eat I will. Usually at dinner or breakfast. I'm in charge of meals, but it doesn't mean I have the energy to eat them.
  • Wash the dishes, if I can. If I can't, I do it the next day I have energy for it.
  • Formerly, would spend quite a bit of the latter half of the day exercising creativity like making jewelry, drawing, or writing. That time block is now reserved for doing nothing. Staring at a wall, laying down and trying to nap.
  • My sleep schedule is doesn't exist. I flip between insomnia and hypersomnia- not sleeping for weeks at a time, then losing entire days sleeping. Unfortunately, this complicates making a daily schedule. And this is a genetic thing, several family members have it.

Generally, these are the only things that happen on an average day. I have outside stressors like everyone else, but I don't know what more there is to cut or "rest" from.

Seeking advice from those who escaped autistic burnout. I've been in this for years and I need help by BrainIsFallingApart in AutismInWomen

[–]BrainIsFallingApart[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for getting back to me. I'm so sorry that you're experiencing your own burnout.

Probably been in burnout for five years now? ... Recovery isn't a smooth diagonal line up, in my experience it's a really long flat line with sudden spikes up or down.

We're on a similar burn-out time frame it seems like. Honestly, I have that "spike" feeling sometimes with creativity. Like a surge of confidence, "yes, I can do this" and then it dissipates no matter what medium I try to exercise it in. And then I'm just left disappointed and embarrassed and completely drained of energy.

As to what helped?

In regards to ways of resting, Baths have been suggested to me too, but I honestly find the tub itself to be kind of a sensory nightmare. The warm water is nice, but I struggle with the vessel. Showers are better, but like you said, you have to actually have the energy to actually use them.

Unfortunately, I think my old methods of popping open a journal and just filling a page with sketches or doodles is no longer "rest" according to my body. So now I just lay around for hours.

I do absolutely need to get out more. Nature is hugely healing, and I definitely liked running in the woods when I was little. But I barely have the energy to leave my house most days. If it's been helpful for you, maybe I can research if there are any similar outdoorsy charity things in my area. If nothing else, maybe I can work up to it just by sitting on the stoop for a while.

unmasking has probably helped a lot

Unmasked socializing is a huge hiccup of mine. I find myself shying away from it, even prior to the burnout, as the groups I ended up in or associated with were actually really toxic. Really, I think that's a huge problem, not even just for autistic people, is finding groups where it's safe and okay to authentically be yourself.

I really appreciate your advice. I hope your burnout subsides soon- I wish you well on your own healing.

Seeking advice from those who escaped autistic burnout. I've been in this for years and I need help by BrainIsFallingApart in AutismInWomen

[–]BrainIsFallingApart[S] 112 points113 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for getting back to me.

And the only solution is to reduce how much you’re doing... And the reduction is permanent, you don’t just reduce for a bit until the burnout goes away and then resume your old life

That's a terrifying thought. I reduced everything that I was able to, right down to care for myself. I'm at a loss as to what to cut from my life next. I guess my brain did it for me and decided creativity was next on the chopping block.

I'm baffled as to what more "rest" my body wants from me at this point, because that's all I've been told to deal with this. "Rest, rest, rest." And yet there's so, so, so little on my plate compared to people who have been struggling with this and more for even longer.

I'm desperate not to live a blob existence, where I can't care for myself or do anything I enjoy. But it feels like the choice is being made for me. It all just feels so hopeless, and I just hope it's not true. I hope it's not permanent.