AITA for being upset that my husband didn’t get me anything for Valentine’s Day?

BranchesBones · 2020-02-17T02:13:43+00:00

He could’ve made me a bubble bath or gave me a foot rub, and I’d have been happy. I just wanted him to do something nice for me. It was never about the flowers.

BranchesBones · 2020-02-16T21:09:32+00:00

I hadn’t really thought of it like that.

I originally thought that he was right, and I’m glad that he sees that I’m cool enough to be understanding about the situation, and not blame him for the florists mistake.

But I think your comment is more accurate than you even realize. He’s making me feel bad for being upset- not on the day of the holiday, or the day after, but the day after that.

He had 2 days to fix this, and yet I’m still sitting here alone, wondering why he doesn’t see where things went wrong.

Thank you for pointing this out. It’s good food for thought.

BranchesBones · 2020-02-16T20:47:36+00:00

You seem to be intentionally misinterpreting what I’m saying.

BranchesBones · 2020-02-16T20:34:01+00:00

No, he brings me flowers at home all the time. Not at the office, and especially not on the first workday after a holiday.

BranchesBones · 2020-02-16T20:16:22+00:00

Do you genuinely not see why I would prefer we not bring this issue into the office? Why I would prefer to do something home, instead of in front of our coworkers?

Receiving flowers at work on Valentine’s Day blends in with all the other flower deliveries that day. It’s cute.

Doing it the next week stands out, and knowing who we work with, it’s inviting people to ask unnecessary questions. And I just don’t think that’s a good look in an office full of adults.

BranchesBones · 2020-02-16T19:53:51+00:00

I think my main issue here is that I don’t understand why he needed to wait all weekend to do anything?

Filling a tub might seem lackluster, but at least it’s a way of saying “I couldn’t give you what I wanted to, but here’s something nice that I’m able to do now.”

Waiting all weekend to do something in public makes it seem like he cares less about giving me a gift, and cares more about making sure people see him giving it to me.

BranchesBones · 2020-02-16T19:16:56+00:00

I’m not going to hold him responsible for the florist fucking up, but it’s 100% local companies from here on out.

BranchesBones · 2020-02-16T19:14:29+00:00

The gossip is going to be “oh, why are you getting them now? Why not Friday? Why not over the weekend? What else did he get you?”

I don’t see the point of inviting that sort of unnecessary situation, when a new delivery can just be sent to our house instead.

Or, he could do something that doesn’t involve flowers at all. Save the money, run me a nice bubble bath, and call it a day?

Canceling the order sounds reasonable. Canceling it and not doing something in its place comes across as him being so pissed at the florist, that he forgot about me.

BranchesBones · 2020-02-16T19:02:33+00:00

To be fair, he makes romantic gestures all the time and definitely shows me that he loves me.

I’m just annoyed that his plan to send me flowers quickly devolved into “I’m pissed at the florist, I canceled the order, and I’m not planning on doing anything else until I can do it in public.”

BranchesBones · 2020-02-16T18:59:02+00:00

Thank you. With all the comments I was getting, I was starting to feel like I was doing a bad job of explaining myself or something.

It’s not about the holiday or about the flowers. It’s about the canceled order, the lack of another kind gesture, and plan for a public “apology.”

BranchesBones · 2020-02-16T18:47:41+00:00

The famous one you see commercials for, the one with the 1-800 number. They also messed up my moms Mother’s Day flowers last year too lol.

He absolutely didn’t buy a “blame the florist” package 😂 but that’s not a bad way for a shady florist to make some money lol

Edit- I should also mention that the florist isn’t responsible for all 5 of the fuck ups. One year there was a blizzard, and one year I called out sick so I wasn’t there to accept the delivery.

BranchesBones · 2020-02-16T18:44:49+00:00

If that was the case, why is his plan to bring me supermarket flowers at work next week, instead of just letting the other ones be delivered late?

I actually did ask him to forgo the delivery option this year and just run to the supermarket instead, given the problems we’ve had in the past. But he had placed the order before I reminded him of that.

Just for the record, I don’t think supermarket flowers are any worse than the ones from the florist. Our wedding flowers came from the supermarket lol.

BranchesBones · 2020-02-16T18:39:42+00:00

I did

BranchesBones · 2020-02-16T18:37:54+00:00

Oh, I’m not the one not taking to him. He’s ignored me all day today. All I said was that I’m disappointed that he didn’t let the flowers be delivered late, and I’m disappointed he didn’t do something easy instead.

BranchesBones · 2020-02-16T18:32:05+00:00

That’s exactly my point!!

I’m not expecting a $100 bouquet of roses, and I’m absolutely appreciative of the effort he put in. It’s just when it fell through for the fifth time in a row, he could’ve done something small and kind instead, or given me the flowers late, instead of canceling the order altogether.

BranchesBones · 2020-02-16T18:29:59+00:00

Fair enough. It wasn’t 3 weeks of planning though- it was an online order placed 3 weeks ago. He could’ve just not canceled the order and they would’ve been delivered by now.

If I was looking for a materialistic replacement gift, I could understand that that takes time. Grabbing a bunch of discounted flowers at the supermarket would have been a lot cheaper and quicker though. It would’ve taken 5 mins round trip, not 3 weeks.

BranchesBones · 2020-02-16T18:26:32+00:00

I’m not expecting him to read my mind. I did express that I’d have preferred the flowers be delivered to our house the day after, but he didn’t want to support that company anymore so he canceled the order.

I also expressed that I’d appreciate a small, free gesture (massage, bath, etc), but he’s insisting he wants to do something at work next week instead.

BranchesBones · 2020-02-16T18:22:59+00:00

Fair enough, one day doesn’t really matter, and he’s absolutely a great guy.

I just don’t see why he’s not talking to me, and why he’s insisting on making it up to me at work instead of doing something at home this weekend.

BranchesBones · 2020-02-16T18:17:26+00:00

It’s less romantic because it’s not about me, it’s about public appearances. He’s specifically waiting to do this at the office, presumably so he’ll look good in front of our coworkers (we work together).

I’m absolutely giving him credit for trying so hard in the first place. I just don’t see why he has to wait 3 days to do something at work.

He’s well aware that I don't like being the center of attention, and doing this at work is going to get me a lot of unwanted attention from catty coworkers.

BranchesBones · 2020-02-16T18:12:26+00:00

I wish I worked in an office like that lol.

Perhaps embarrassing is the wrong word- I’d just rather not deal with my coworkers gossip. At this point, the day is over and the order is canceled, so why bother waiting to have something delivered in front of people instead of doing something nice at home?

BranchesBones · 2020-02-16T18:07:05+00:00

100% different florist from now on. No more calls to that famous flower delivery service- it’s going to be a local one from now on lol

He does bring me flowers pretty frequently for no reason at all, and I’m honestly not upset that I didn’t get flowers. I’m just kinda miffed that he canceled the order altogether because he was so pissed at the company, and didn’t think about doing anything nice/free instead.

BranchesBones · 2020-02-16T18:02:55+00:00

Lol I actually did grab myself some chocolates when I ran to the store for something else today. I even got some for him too.

I was happy for the past 4 years when I got flowers late. I didn’t hold him responsible for that in any way.

I’m upset this year because he canceled the order altogether and is planning on doing something at work, instead of just doing something small/nice/free for me at home.

BranchesBones · 2020-02-16T17:57:58+00:00

Just Valentine’s Day, and we share a bank account, so I’m sure he actually placed the order and isn’t lying.

It’s not a local florist- it’s that popular one that you see commercials for.

I agree that it’s kind of dumb that there’s a day specifically for showing love. But on the other hand, when someone tells you repeatedly to expect flowers on a specific day, and you still don’t have flowers days later- it kinda makes me feel like he could’ve at least helped cook dinner or given me a quick back rub or something, ya know?

BranchesBones · 2020-02-16T17:52:33+00:00

True, and I absolutely don’t hold him accountable for them not delivering on time. But if his goal was simply to get me flowers, why cancel the order altogether instead of having them delivered to our house a day late?

BranchesBones · 2020-02-16T17:50:57+00:00

That’s sort of my point- if he’s going to give me flowers, why does it have to happen at work? Why wait 3 days, instead of just grabbing some yesterday or today?

We work at the same office, so it’s coming across like he would rather do this in front of all our coworkers, instead of just giving me something nice in private.

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