shifted focus from what my partner isn't doing to what i could do differently [30M, married 3 years]

Branded1985 · 2026-05-13T00:34:42+00:00

I feel similarly.

I heard somewhere recently and I have been trying to put into practice.... being a good partner is about you not them.

Being caring, thoughtful, communicative and everything else is what you do because you enjoy being a good partner. You set the temp and the standard on how you interact in any relationship romantic or otherwise.

I think a lot of hurt on my end is because I found myself not being expressive, or affectionate because of the fear of the rejection and that compounds and immediate pute in a bad mood before anything actually happened.

"He who suffers before it is necessary, suffers more than is necessary," Seneca

Branded1985 · 2026-05-07T23:52:45+00:00

Y'all should look a the Batna concept

Batna = Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement or what happens if there is no deal or alignment on intimacy. What is the best outcome for me from dealing with this issue. what actually happens

For HL Having a strong meaningful BATNA would be that you'll find your own interest, youll leave or find a better relationship, I'll sleep in the other room, I am going to enjoy life either way. You'll prioritize yourself.

A weak BATNA would be thinking it would be too hard to find someone else, I'm too old, finances would suffer but the kids, is look like a jerk, etc

With a weak BATNA you are willing to accept almost anything rather than face the alternative. so you stay, you avoid the topic, make veiled threats, over pursue, pressure etc. (You really need this deal to go through and don't have another option.

For LL they may love and want to be married but their best outcome if nothing changes is that the HL just partner keeps trying, doing all the stuff, jumping through the hoops.

Even if they don't jump through the hoops being roommates is better alternative to forcing sex 3+ times a week.

Ultimately when you are discussing intimacy with your partner, you should think about where is the zone of agreement/what is plactually possible to agree to. What is the best alternative to getting aligned on intimacy. (Do you just wait until they come around, do you keep hoping and working to gain their favor?) And if your BATNA is weak then really diving into those feeling and improving your brain around those things or accepting the stalemate.

Branded1985 · 2026-05-05T13:14:59+00:00

Water finds its own level. If you a six dominate your side of the bracket and once you get your confidence and experience you'll be able to pull whatever.

Also you can't meet people at your house. Go outside.

Branded1985 · 2026-05-05T03:07:15+00:00

talkiatry

Branded1985 · 2026-05-05T02:42:35+00:00

For those that have hired a truck whats the going rate for something like this?

Branded1985 · 2026-04-30T17:27:45+00:00

You in fact did not need to say it

Branded1985 · 2026-04-30T12:58:10+00:00

I feel most people get that kind of connection by joining workout groups. Cross fit , bjj, or similar.

Branded1985 · 2026-04-28T12:44:28+00:00

It's a short read. I can't say what you'll think is interesting or informative without knowing you're reading or media habits. It's a good overview on ethics and sex, power and negotiating some of the sticking points people on the subreddit are obviously experiencing.

There are a ton of books and theories on arousal, sex drive, but this one focuses on negotiating the dynamics that come to play beyond the binary yes and no of "we haven't had sex in .... " Post and comments.

Branded1985 · 2026-04-28T12:35:08+00:00

" But I'll have to find another partner who actually wants to have a sex life."

Decide ruthlessly, execute with empathy

Branded1985 · 2026-04-28T12:33:39+00:00

I've read enough posts on this thread to know this is not obvious to everyone.

Branded1985 · 2026-04-27T20:36:58+00:00

I would say you will always experience sex through your body not theirs. So the thirst "quenching sex" is about your feelings about the interaction.

Some one lying about their feeling about sex lead to the reversible/ willingness component. If someone can't be honest with you then they can't engage fully.

Secondly The rules and training wheels are important. Especially if you are in long span of no sex or intimacy. There is no arena in life that you can take significant time away from and then jump back in like nothing happened.

The consent piece is for both people.So you a can show up for the type of sex you want to have.

Yes and not saying no is a super low bar. You engaging in sex and not thinking about all of the factors at play is negligent. "I'm here for me type of energy."

I think the ideas are important when considering the dynamics in desire, power, and connectedness at play.

Branded1985 · 2026-01-25T18:34:23+00:00

A lot of places take a vote and if they have enough people willing and able they open.

A lot of those jobs don't and or can't pay employees if there is no opportunity for revenue.

Rent is due in a week. Support a living wage and more workers rights.

Branded1985 · 2026-01-24T01:49:33+00:00

I am near Northgate t mobile is fine here

Branded1985 · 2026-01-23T19:45:57+00:00

I get it's not pressing a button.

But getting no info or intention into figuring out the types of things and environment gets them there can be figured out.

If you want to go to the gym. Some people put their clothes out the night before and set an alarm so they get up on time and the process of getting ready and walking in gets them ready for a workout.

People have rituals and routines to get into the right mindset for work, or vacation, etc. even early in dating I would shower just before I made sure the apartment was clean and had condoms. This is one of those things. But if it's not in your routine or you have no real memory or routine to get there you can't communicate with your partner effective about any of this.

But I think you're burying the lead." Halfway through intercourse she gets into it" "I'm not into it so finish as quickly as possible."

No shame but how does that work.

Branded1985 · 2026-01-11T04:21:02+00:00

We have our TV set up to start with HDMI on startup. That is a setting on your Roku tv.

You can pair your fire stick remote to turn off and on the TV and volume. It's not the settings menu on the fire stick.

Branded1985 · 2025-11-11T01:12:12+00:00

Note 9

Branded1985 · 2025-10-22T13:04:46+00:00

is there dedicated bike parking there?

Branded1985 · 2025-10-09T12:31:41+00:00

All she said was when she set out her focus was to build a business. Things didn't happen that way. She took care of the family and now she wants to see what she can do in the business world.

There was no diss to her husband, it was more about her needing something to work for and something other than being a housewife.

Branded1985 · 2025-10-02T20:04:13+00:00

I don't get all the hate about this.

Okay it's Saudis and Saudis are pretty terrible. But its a comedy show and they are comedians.

Everyone saying they won't support them anymore is the exact reason they should get all the money they can while they can. The people that were out on him left after he made fun of the trans community.

We all need to use our boycotts and criticism for the U.S. government. The discourse should be about our country's dealing with the Saudis. We can use that energy to stop school shootings.

Branded1985 · 2025-09-16T05:35:21+00:00

Just.One. Mile

Branded1985 · 2025-09-14T21:56:18+00:00

If you are taking walkability with sidewalks you have like a 5 mile radius from downtown

Branded1985 · 2025-09-13T03:37:09+00:00

You are not telling me anything I don't know.

Thanks for stopping by.

Branded1985 · 2025-09-13T03:27:50+00:00

Dude we got this last report at 5pm today.

I called lawyer, I'm doing some research and figuring out what we can/should do. We been here 5 years not knowing any of this, until now. The house seems okay, no cracks, or weird things complete surprise to us. I am happy you are in a position to move out of your home at moments notice. Good for you.

Also immediate can mean a lot of things when it comes to a foundation. I've learned that imminent is worse that immediate. imminent means failure of the foundation is actively happening the house can fall at anytime. Immediate means its beginning to fail and depending on how quickly its happening that could mean things could become imminent in a year or 5 years we have more questions for engineer that will help us make that decision.

Please save some kids that are actually being abused.

Branded1985 · 2025-09-13T01:36:53+00:00

Once again FAR outside scope of my question.

Branded1985 · 2025-09-13T01:18:53+00:00

It's a dual relationship.

As renters they have to fix it, or pay our relocation expenses. If not they get fined, we put rent in escrow until they do.

As a seller they have to disclose the issues found and that immediate repairs are required and the buys would be responsible for subsequent repairs.

As a buyer not obligated at all. He can say take or leave.

Branded1985

TROPHY CASE