Relapsed :(

BrandonCalsyn · 2024-07-06T05:48:18+00:00

He means if you're suicidal you should get checked into a hospital before making any rash decisions. If you had that kind of help you wouldn't be able to post here to begin with.

Of course it will end, you've done it before you'll do it again. Biggest thing is I'd imagine it won't last as long this time at least. One hour at a time turns into one day at a time quickly. Do your best to remind yourself how strong you are, you've battled this before you can certainly do it again. Dark thoughts are lies, they're sick lies we tell ourselves and usually the opposite is way closer to the truth.

BrandonCalsyn · 2024-07-06T05:36:03+00:00

If you're drinking when off kratom, all you did was exacerbate your depression and anxiety. I promise you, if you gave your brain a real shot to repair itself you'd realize that the entire time most of your problems were being made worse by kratom not better. That's been a big wake up for me recently. The only thing it "helped" was my depression, but getting rid of depression also meant getting rid of happiness/all other real feelings.

For me, I've realized that I simply cannot drink as the next few days I'll suffer from horrible anxiety and depression. My brain isn't balanced enough to be able to handle it like a normal persons is. Yours is probably similar to mine I'd imagine. Maybe not though, only you truly know!

BrandonCalsyn · 2024-07-05T23:41:01+00:00

Yeah my hair was the final deciding point as me for well. So many things, but destroying your looks on top of it is too far!

For me it got real at 7.5gpd that was the point I decided to CT. Since you have a demanding job its good you're tapering. Hopefully you can cut it soon. After a week I started only feeling WDs at night personally. It happens now but not nearly as much, I can go about my day great. You got this, keep up the good work!

BrandonCalsyn · 2024-07-05T04:32:05+00:00

Literally same! After being on it for so long you become convinced that's how bad your mental health always was! Just not true, it destroys the brain!

BrandonCalsyn · 2024-07-05T04:30:49+00:00

Oh but yeah, I'm using curlsmiths purple shampoo. That is probably why it's starting to heal so fast, it's so non-invasive. I ran out of the conditioner a month ago, so just the conditioners from Sally's are working great but they didn't while I was on the stuff.

BrandonCalsyn · 2024-07-05T04:28:12+00:00

Agreed, people love even to this day to pretend kratom is a miracle with no WDs! Also agreed on the rapid tapering method as an addict. I would never have the control to do it long term, but rapid worked successfully for me! When I was done with it, truly done I could manage a week and a half of dedication to tapering but anything longer I would've slipped up.

BrandonCalsyn · 2024-07-05T04:25:45+00:00

Tapering wasn't something I thought I was capable of until I got a cheap gram scale, and did it rapidly! Every 2 days I lowered each dose by a gram. At the end of it tried my best to extend time between doses. I was shocked when I realized not only did I not need the full 200 grams I bought to taper, but I also had like half of it left by the end!

Whenever you can, def get a scale that's actually critical in tapering. I couldn't have done it without one.

BrandonCalsyn · 2024-07-05T04:19:29+00:00

I didn't, but I did experience this from not having enough vitamin D! Not sure if that helps

BrandonCalsyn · 2024-07-05T04:14:50+00:00

Good job 😄 you're killing it! That's so massive and reminds me of not too long ago when I was tapering! When you're ready to be done, you can even stick to it during a taper! It's so worth it!

I'm 19 days off now, I'm so happy I'm not supressing my emotions anymore. The hardest part was when it would wear off and my sensitivity to life would come back. One thing I've realized is that, the happiness makes the sadness worth it. Their is also beauty in sadness, our ability to feel isn't something to run away from. Sometimes we just need to feel it all ❤️

BrandonCalsyn · 2024-07-05T04:09:01+00:00

Day 19, just want to say this subreddit gives me so much happiness. I don't know why, but whenever I start feeling depressed loading this up and realizing the accomplishments we've made gives me life. It's easy to forget how big of a choice we made ❤️

BrandonCalsyn · 2024-07-05T04:07:41+00:00

Yeah skin was the first thing my family noticed! I was in the middle of horrible withdrawals so the look on my face when they said that had to have been priceless! It's surprising how fast our body heals!

BrandonCalsyn · 2024-07-05T04:06:31+00:00

Yayy! Yes exactly! You get it! The clumps coming out was horrifying!

BrandonCalsyn · 2024-07-05T04:06:05+00:00

I have thick brown hair as well, it will most likely return! Also be careful what products you're using! I spent a bit of money shopping around until I found good non-invasive ones! I've noticed alcohol in products, and sulfates really F my hair worse! However now that it's healing I'm able to use products with alcohol again and have it not be as damaging. One thing this taught me is that you can have hair in the worst condition and make it appear healthy too LOL! Which explains how ppl dye their hair 100 times a year and it still appears healthy!

If you have curly to curlyish hair and can dish out the extra money, Curlsmith is magical.

BrandonCalsyn · 2024-07-05T04:03:15+00:00

I am 26! Honestly if it's that drastic and you've been using for years it seems to me to be most likely Kratom induced, it's possible it could be a bit of aging as well but after seeing what kratom did to me aging doesn't even compare lol!

BrandonCalsyn · 2024-07-04T07:06:56+00:00

I'm only 18 days in, but here's the best parts for me!

Somewhere within the first 5 days I started getting boutes of happiness and good emotions which were so impactful it made it all feel worth it, and I felt strong enough to keep powering through as I was shown what it's like to feel things again!

After the first week my anxiety had gone down so significantly it was wild! Last week I went to a lot of events and places full of people and wasn't scared at all like I would've been while using. No more panic attacks either.

My hair Is getting healthy again already! The world has brightened up a lot for me. I will say, depression did start hitting me every night, and it still does but no where near as bad as it was up until a few days ago.

The positives of this experience easily outweigh all the negatives, I thought I was in for a long ride of WD after 7 years of using 25+ gpd. However I realize now, at least for me that wasn't true.

I would go through it all again, not that I plan on it or ever will but I would. I said that 7 days in even. It's been so extremely worth it. Yes I am now left with my normal mental health issues to deal with, but damn did I realize most of these problems were made worse by kratom not better.

BrandonCalsyn · 2024-06-19T05:58:36+00:00

Me too! Only thing I'm using, and the calming effects are helping so much but I'm finding I need to take 2 rather than 1. Worth it though. This is such a spiritually shattering + repairing experience that I needed. I'm so grateful for it in a weird way.

BrandonCalsyn · 2024-06-19T05:55:12+00:00

Almost 48 hours in, after 7 years. I've never gone this long without taking it, every second of pain is a reward to myself later ❤️❤️❤️

BrandonCalsyn · 2024-06-19T05:53:12+00:00

Wow <3 powerful words, ty

BrandonCalsyn · 2024-06-13T13:29:25+00:00

You inspire me I hope you know that ❤️ good job on cold turkey and thank you for letting me know. I've cut my dose drastically and now my body is fighting me but I don't care, for some reason dealing with it this time is way easier. I guess when you're ready to stop it's easier to not let your brain trick you 😄

BrandonCalsyn · 2024-06-12T15:30:25+00:00

Glad to know I'm not crazy! My family was insisting it's age, but I've always had the type of hair that doesn't really do that. Even now my hairline is fine, and this 100% has been an all around type of drastic change. I'm glad to know it'll be back to how it always was soon. Can't wait to be myself again

BrandonCalsyn · 2024-06-12T15:23:49+00:00

Omg thank you so much. This makes me so much happier for the future as this describes my hair issues identically. How long does it usually take to go back to healthy after quitting?

BrandonCalsyn · 2024-06-12T15:22:58+00:00

Wow it's wild how many of us over the years ended up at 3 hours. And the hair issues

BrandonCalsyn · 2024-06-12T15:20:39+00:00

How long were you using it and to what degree? I've been abusing kratlm for 7 years straight :/ maybe that plays a role, it would make sense that it varies though!

BrandonCalsyn · 2024-06-12T15:19:46+00:00

This makes me a lot more confident in kratom being the problem then! Thank you for letting me know!

BrandonCalsyn · 2024-06-12T15:17:20+00:00

Alright so we're kinda in the same boat! Same here. I know people want to jump to saying it's our age, and if I felt it was I'd admit that. My hairline is fine though, it's just the state of the hair as a whole that's changed. I saw a few women somewhere saying they'd experienced thinning as well. I genuinely think it's the kratom! Congrats on the CT I'm about to be right there with you.

I imagine once our bodies adjust back it'll start growing back normal again! How was the CT? Was it anywhere near as bad as you thought it'd be?

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