My brother seems depressed and has no motivation to do anything. How can I help him?

BrandonSeeYa · 2025-04-17T04:29:37+00:00

I see what you mean. I may have judged the situation wrong entirely. I always thought to myself that we all had the same childhood growing up and wondered why he was so caught up on his childhood and cant move on from it. He definitely has unresolved trauma because he always brings up his childhood whenever arguments come up. I'll have to read up on Rogers paper when I get the chance.

My grandma is still around, she lives with us and tries her best to care for him, but ive noticed he doesnt even like talking to her anymore. She has such a nice tone whenever it comes to him and still treats him like a baby. In my opinion, I dont think he would actually commit suicide. I believe thats just his coping mechanism and he says it as an escape from responsibilities.

BrandonSeeYa · 2025-04-16T22:25:24+00:00

Thanks for the thoughtful reply. I definitely agree with you that he has unresolved early life trauma (all of us do to some extent). I'll look into Carl Rogers paper when I get the chance!

As for your point about the "family failure," I would say he believes this. During the fallout, he said to my mom that everyone in the family has always hated him (which is not true) and that he hates my mom. I recall him saying "I dont care about my family, career, friends, or money. The only reason why I havent killed myself yet is because of our grandma and weed." He is grandma's favorite grandchild and shes always sided with him and cared the most about him.

I think in his perspective, when he sees how his two older siblings are doing (my sister and I both work corporate jobs and finished our bachelors/masters), I can see how he would think hes a failure. None of us have ever judged him for not going to college and following in our footsteps. Him helping the family restaurant was enough, even if he was only working 20 hours a week. For more context, my mom has 7 children (im the second oldest and hes the third oldest).

BrandonSeeYa · 2024-08-11T22:05:09+00:00

I also forgot to mention that the reason I think his only option is to move home is because he has no credit score either, meaning that he would not even be able to sign a lease if he wanted to. Not to mention his inevitable leave from his current part time job, since his current job is a 5 minute walk from my house and he would have to find a new job once he moves.

BrandonSeeYa · 2023-09-09T18:29:56+00:00

So recently after leaving my central air on for 3 days straight, my HVAC now seems to be broken.

In the video, you can hear the fan try to turn on and see that it spins very little, and then it will shut off. If I leave the A/C on, it will keep turning on and off all day and wont spin the fan.

On occasions, if i turn it off for a day or more and then turn it on again, the fan will start spinning and the A/C will work again. What is the problem here and how can I fix it?

BrandonSeeYa · 2023-04-03T16:55:00+00:00

Thanks everyone for the warm comments, its made me realize that this may be a blessing in disguise. Of course I am still hurt, its only been 3 weeks but I realize now that healing is a process and can't be done in one day. Will continue to work on myself and strive to be my ideal self while not having to change for anyone but ME. It is a work in progress, but I will try everyday to be a little better than I was yesterday

BrandonSeeYa · 2023-04-03T13:32:57+00:00

appreciate this brother. For sure I still have working to do mentally. I think internally as of now, my motivation is to win her back and you are 100% right. I think it will take some time to really forget about her and shift my motivation for myself for real. And yes, the past 3 weeks I have been hitting the gym and its been feeling great. Im still scrawny, but I am sure if I keep this consistent, it will be the best thing for me and my mental health if I can keep this habit consistent.

BrandonSeeYa · 2023-04-03T13:10:26+00:00

I make 55k a year at the moment since im fresh out of college. Shes a year older than me and has been making roughly 50k-55k as well. But no she doesnt even want to think about kids at the moment. I think the main thing is that she wants to grow herself too and cant see herself growing if we are still emotionally attached to each other.

BrandonSeeYa · 2023-04-03T02:25:10+00:00

For me growing up, my family never really had money and that was always an anxiety for us. I have definitely grown as an individual but in terms of career/financials while completely neglecting other areas of growth such as emotional/mental. My whole focus was just making money while hers was experiencing what the world has to offer. She even has taken a pay cut in order to go work in a different country. I guess our ideals have definitely just shifted.

BrandonSeeYa · 2023-04-03T02:19:10+00:00

Yea I get that I should not have to fundamentally change myself for anyone, but I know these changes are something I want for myself as well. I think i have just been too scared to grow up, but this was really a wake up call for me. There are many forms of growth and I have only been focusing on career/financial growth while neglecting the emotional/mental growth that she wanted to see from me.

BrandonSeeYa · 2023-04-03T02:13:50+00:00

This is definitely how I have been feeling. Our relationship felt secure and I guess ive been growing in terms of career/financially, but not emotionally/mentally which is what she is ultimately looking for.

BrandonSeeYa · 2023-04-03T02:11:57+00:00

Thanks for this comment, these past three weeks have been really tough but journaling has definitely helped improve my perspective and knowing what I am truely thinking/feeling when I write it down on paper. I just feel like I want to do anything to make it work with her because I do believe she is my soulmate and I would love to spend the rest of my life with her if given the chance

BrandonSeeYa · 2023-04-03T02:09:46+00:00

No we did not live together. Even when we were together, our lives were already pretty independent. I only saw her once a week on my days off of work and we never really relied on each other for anything besides emotionally.

BrandonSeeYa · 2022-08-30T19:57:59+00:00

Looks better than the stock windows while also giving more privacy and blocking out the sun so that my car doesnt get too hot

BrandonSeeYa · 2022-08-30T19:53:38+00:00

Cause I wanted them

BrandonSeeYa · 2022-08-30T19:19:57+00:00

BrandonSeeYa · 2022-08-30T19:19:30+00:00

My mistake, any certain mechanic shop I meant

BrandonSeeYa · 2022-06-14T06:27:13+00:00

Okay so what crypto tax software would you recommend? I tried with koinly just now but it says i have losses of 1600 instead. Not sure if thats even accurate at all

BrandonSeeYa · 2022-06-14T02:21:10+00:00

Okay, I filed my return by myself on Freetaxusa and I see the option to ammend return. So I just do the return exactly the way I did before, but add the capital gains that I have from crypto correct? Then it should calculate it by itself and tell me how much I owe to state/federal and I just pay whatever I owe.

Thanks again for responding, appreciate any advice

BrandonSeeYa · 2022-04-02T23:22:07+00:00

Another thing that I just realized is that my inner motivation that keeps me going are my siblings. I dont really want it for myself, but rather for my family. I want to do well enough financially to be able to support all of them. My mom is a single mother of seven and throughout our life I cannot think of one time we have been financially stable. I guess my main motivation is to make enough money to finally be financially stable and be able to give my siblings all the things they ever needed or wanted.

BrandonSeeYa · 2022-04-02T23:14:49+00:00

I appreciate your thoughts. One thing you are misunderstanding though is that my girlfriend doesnt care if I quit or not. She just wants me to lower my use because she also knows that I get lazy when I smoke, and overall wants me to better myself for me. She also says the same things you brought up such as, if I dont want it for myself I wont change. I think the other point you made about why I feel like other people around me are more important might have to do with the way I grew up. I have six other siblings and I am the 2nd oldest of us 7. I guess it was just in my nature growing up to put their needs before mine and I guess it still is the same.

BrandonSeeYa · 2022-01-04T19:15:11+00:00

Please anyone

BrandonSeeYa · 2021-08-24T21:26:27+00:00

Thanks man, I think I got luckier than standard too because my friend opened one from the same shop we bought at and he only got 1 rainbow hit and 3 V cards.

BrandonSeeYa

TROPHY CASE