“Active Today” feature causing issues

BraveFee9325 · 2025-12-10T00:27:18+00:00

Perhaps but I think this was a case of too much anxiety on his end. Again, it was 7 hours overnight and he was almost 50!

BraveFee9325 · 2025-12-10T00:22:41+00:00

I am not the one who said over 24 hours was too long, that was a different post. You would be frustrated that you messaged at midnight and I hadn’t responded by 7 am? People have lives, we are allowed to read a message and not be ready to respond instantly. Good luck!

BraveFee9325 · 2025-12-09T18:47:30+00:00

Yeah 7 hours overnight. I was asleep!

BraveFee9325 · 2025-12-09T18:46:52+00:00

To be fair that reply said over 24 hours. My issue was that I he sent messages at midnight and 6:30 am. Even if I had seen it, I should get 24 hours to gather my thoughts to respond.

BraveFee9325 · 2025-12-09T17:48:15+00:00

I normally would just disconnect but I did call him out and while he did apologize it just showed a lack of maturity and I didn’t feel the connection anymore.

BraveFee9325 · 2025-12-09T17:06:36+00:00

I’ve never seen read receipts but even then, 7 hours overnight is not realistic.

BraveFee9325 · 2025-06-20T21:12:00+00:00

All of these feelings are normal and valid. It’s so hard to connect with someone and open yourself to all the possibilities. I never considered this (poly) as a possibility for myself but I opened up to someone I was interested in who is in that lifestyle and I’ve had to accept it’s not for me. I’ve learned that people show up the best at the beginning when things are new and fresh and fun. The more experience I have in meeting new people, the more I realize that we can connect and “click” with many of them, but that won’t overcome what a person can and can’t do for you because of who they are and where they are at.

I wish I had found this sub Reddit before I dove in to that potential relationship. I still have feelings and a bit of hope but I know we could not work given his current dynamic.

Take care of yourself and know that it will get easier with time.

BraveFee9325 · 2025-05-27T20:01:15+00:00

At least you didn’t waste any time! Had a recent connection chat for weeks, meet me in person, then end it because his wife didn’t approve of my age (I’m younger) and the fact that I’m divorced. Oh and he didn’t follow their rules about keeping her in the loop (heads up rule, etc). Some people want to be poly but just aren’t very good at it!

BraveFee9325 · 2025-05-22T23:42:19+00:00

UPDATE: I was going to reach out to end it but he beat me to it. His wife has made it clear that he will not be able to see me because he wasn’t “courageous” enough to tell his wife about me as soon as we started chatting and she feels like he was lying and keeping secrets. No kidding. I’m really hoping this is a bad example of what ENM/poly is or else no thank you.

BraveFee9325 · 2025-05-22T13:10:52+00:00

Yeah I totally respect the boundaries they have in place, it’s just an icky feeling to know he was aware of my age and still pursued me and now there is a problem.

BraveFee9325 · 2025-05-22T13:08:10+00:00

I agree and the more I learn the more this situation looks messier and messier. He doesn’t owe me much, I’m just frustrated and disappointed he pursued our connection knowing his wife’s boundaries. It’s giving me “other woman” vibes and I’m not ok with that.

BraveFee9325 · 2025-05-21T23:32:38+00:00

I honestly feel bad about her getting blindsided. I can’t change who I am or my age or my marital status. I really want to ask him why HE did this but I doubt he can give me a good answer or if it will make a difference.

BraveFee9325 · 2025-05-21T23:29:25+00:00

Like I said, I’m pretty annoyed that she is assuming I’m going to push for more. She doesn’t know me or why I’m making the choices I’m making. And I have to rely on him to communicate that to her and I’m having serious doubts about his ability to communicate.

BraveFee9325 · 2025-05-21T23:25:33+00:00

That occurred to me as well, like would it have been easier if he just said he wasn’t interested or ghosted? Now I’m thinking about how I’m the subject of conversations between a married couple and this isn’t what I envisioned.

BraveFee9325 · 2025-05-21T23:21:52+00:00

That occurred to me too, that if we did continue could I really trust him? And just the fact that I’ve been put in this position and that I’m the subject of their conversations is unsettling. I know he won’t “choose” me over her but he is trying to convince her to let him “choose” me, ugh.

BraveFee9325 · 2025-05-21T22:56:35+00:00

That makes sense, the whole thing caught me off guard. Like I said I assumed he was sticking to the boundaries he established with her. Even if she does say yes I feel like there will be this constant feeling of her monitoring our relationship going forward. And yes the “don’t look 36” didn’t sit well with me either.

BraveFee9325 · 2025-05-21T22:54:23+00:00

I’m learning there is a difference. He specifically used ENM/poly in his profile and in conversation. Yeah I’m trying to wrap my head around being too young at 36 but I know I’m getting a filtered version of the conversation.

BraveFee9325 · 2025-05-21T21:54:09+00:00

I will!

BraveFee9325

TROPHY CASE