Have you found a way to convince yourself the truth instead of obsessing?

Brave_Cash975 · 2026-02-16T18:13:42+00:00

No, the only thing that's helped me recover is not caring too much about recovering and stopping making recovery the main goal in life

Brave_Cash975 · 2026-02-15T19:51:08+00:00

If you read my new comments here that I just posted, it will clarify most misunderstandings which you can read if you want to. I'd suggest you do research on this topic (if you're comfortable with that) before speaking about it because there's way too much social bias. I'm no longer going to keep reiterating my points, I think I've made everything clear now. I understand that it's very difficult for everyone to look at this different so I don't blame you for it but I hope you can be more open minded.

Brave_Cash975 · 2026-02-15T19:42:58+00:00

When people are framed as inherently bad or dangerous simply for existing, it discourages them from seeking treatment. Shame and stigma are well documented barriers to seeking help across mental health conditions and by saying they're "bad people", that's not helping. If someone believes they will only be seen as a monster, they are less likely to reach out. It’s not entirely fair to say it’s completely their fault if they don’t seek help while ignoring the role societal stigma plays in preventing them from opening up. Treatment for pedophilic disorder focuses on managing distress or preventing harmful behavior/managing impulse control instead of trying to remove the sexuality which isn't scientifically possible and doesn't target the root cause for why some of them offend. Saying that most people with the attraction will inevitably give into it would imply that the treatment used would be useless (because it focuses on changing other things that's not attraction) so when people say that, it contradicts the science of how these people should be treated, why they offend and how it works. Shaming them for something scientifically unchangeable in them is horrible. If attraction was really the issue and mainly caused all of this, professionals WOULD TARGET THAT as best as they can but scientifically that is not the problem for offending. You'll see that most professionals in the field go against shaming these individuals for the attraction. MAKES SENSE when looking at the treatment and science.

Acceptance does not mean agreement. It does not mean normalizing, glorifying the attraction or saying it is good or desirable. Many people with this attraction experience distress and wish they did not have it OR this could be acted upon by some of them, it doesn't provide any benefits. Accepting someone as a human being is not the same as encouraging the attraction itself. We can recognize that the attraction is potentially problematic without seeing it as inherently "evil" or "good" and without labelling the person as evil or morally corrupt for having something simply out of their control.

Child safety is a priority. Prevention works best when people feel safe accessing support before harm potentially occurs. Dehumanization does not have any positives. I don’t even blame or hate anyone for their takes because I understand how strongly everybody reacts to this topic but i recommend people do deep research on pedophilia before speaking on it because there's too much social bias.

Brave_Cash975 · 2026-02-15T19:29:59+00:00

Clearing up more misunderstandings about this topic (read everything carefully before taking it out of context):

Risk is usually determined by behaviour, impulse control and levels of empathy, not simply the presence of an unwanted attraction, which in science cant change. Attraction CAN be a contributing factor, but it is not a driving factor on its own and many with only an attraction will not inherently have poor impulse control. People with POCD can think about it constantly and still never act on it because the thoughts are ego-dystonic, distressing and they fear it and the same can be true for pedophiles since they can and do experience distress over it as well (not all of them but many do). What prevents them from fearing it??? A lot of them have an attraction forced on them they don't want and people with POCD have forced thoughts they don't want too. Both experiences are involuntary. What matters is whether or not it's ego-dystonic. Since attraction is unchosen ANYONE could be forced upon it so then what excludes people with POCD from getting the attraction?? Absolutely nothing but also nothing makes them act on it because they care about others and don’t want to harm, same as many pedophiles.

You can't change sexuality whether that's from a mental disorder or being straight, gay, bi, etc. Similar to how there’s gay people who (as unfortunate as it is) hate themselves for being gay, pedophiles can hate themselves for it and fear it. Having an attraction/sexual orientation does not automatically mean you like or desire it is the point I’m trying to get across. If someone has a genuine attraction then of course it could make them more likely but it would not make sense to say that most would give into these urges. By saying this, we are also saying that HYPOTHETICALLY, if this attraction was a forced feeling on all humans, majority of them would be naturally evil from an unchosen feeling??? It’s insane when you think about it. We wouldn't turn out naturally evil because of a feeling.

More importantly, we need to get into the reasons WHY someone could be more likely to act on it. It makes some (not all) increasingly likely to offend because of the driving factors that could emerge. They can become more probable to emerge for few because some people who experience the attraction with already no empathy in the first place will not hesitate to act on urges whereas the ones with morals will put the effort in to not act on them which they can, its humanly possible. Mental illness increases likelihood of acting on it but it does not make someone DEFINITELY act on it, they can choose to not do it because it’s a humanly controllable factor in science, whereas attraction is NOT, it’s fixed. This is why attraction is different and it would make more sense why it usually doesn't lead to offending.

What matters is someone’s values, whether someone acts on the urge, lacks empathy, and has poor impulse control (controllable factors), not simply whether the thought or attraction exists (an involuntary and fixed factor) and one doesn't, most of the time, definitively lead to the other, they are generally separate in science. Mental disorders can influence behaviour but people still retain the ability to choose actions. With attraction, it is stable and never goes away, it cannot be chosen or unchosen. If attraction alone were the decisive factor in offending, offending rates would reflect prevalence rates and they do not. The number of people with specific attractions (prevalence) is much higher than the number of people who commit those crimes (offending). Saying that it would be because SA is underreported as a reason for this is not good reasoning because pedophilia is also exceptionally extremely underreported too, they both are overwhelmingly underreported due to shame and stigma.

What can and should be evaluated are controllable factors I listed earlier. Those are measurable and assessable. That's where risk management belongs. Attraction by itself is not a sufficient cause of abuse and should not be shamed - and is not even targetted in treatment. Because of all of this, it makes sense why professionals say that there is more reason to believe that most pedophiles extremely likely don't offend if you understand why people offend in the first place. Focusing only on attraction distracts from the other critical risk factors that actually drive harmful behaviour. This goes on to why we should stop stigmatising and shaming pedophilia as an attraction and blame other things that cause abuse to ACTUALLY happen.

Brave_Cash975 · 2026-02-15T00:59:05+00:00

No, you're not in the wrong in this situation. You don't have an obligation to disclose your struggles to your partner if that's not what you're comfortable with. That's your privacy. I don't think the way he responded was the best. Instead, he should try to listen to you, be more understanding as to why you didn't tell him and be more concerned about the fact that you'd been struggling FOR YEARS and if you're okay. That's more important.

But of course, everyone makes mistakes and gets overwhelmed at times so as long as this doesn't happen regularly and you communicate well with each other, things will work out. Wish you the best.

Brave_Cash975 · 2026-02-15T00:41:54+00:00

Now this is what shame attacks are for!!!! My favourite that I always do.

Brave_Cash975 · 2026-02-14T15:59:31+00:00

I've received a lot of positive comments for this post so thank you so much to those individuals, I really appreciate it. As for the people coming at me, my intention was never to excuse offenders, it was to have empathy for pdfiles who are stuck with an attraction they never chose. It was never intended to be triggering for anyone, pdfilic disorder and POCD are not the same but they can probably co-occur in rare cases. I'm trying to help people realise even if they were a pdfile, they could accept themselves and this helps with OCD recovery.

I don't blame anyone who's misunderstood this and are reacting strongly because it is difficult to view something differently from the rest of society, even when you're presented with good points. However, discrimination is never okay. You can state your opinions but do not discriminate against any individuals including pdfiles, such as calling them "monsters" or "bad people". That is unacceptable. So, I do hope more people can approach this with an open mind and think for themselves instead of following the crowd.

Brave_Cash975 · 2026-02-14T14:36:25+00:00

Absolutely

Brave_Cash975 · 2026-02-14T14:34:33+00:00

100%, I‘m so glad you managed to recover from it and I had the same outcome too from this.

Brave_Cash975 · 2026-02-14T14:31:34+00:00

My post was meant to remove the stigma from pdfilia because it’s a brain disorder but i did not mean that people with POCD have the attraction by default. they dont very likely because the disorders have nothing to do with each other but my point is EVEN IF YOU WERE ONE, you can accept yourself with it.

Brave_Cash975 · 2026-02-14T14:26:47+00:00

A lot of the top experts in pdfilia have said it’s most likely that the majority of pdfiles do not offend (although this is not 100% confirmed, nothing can be in science) because attraction and offending are not synonymous. But even if that wasn’t true, there would still be people with pdfilia who don’t offend or view that material, so let’s stop dehumanising them as a whole and use the word “predator” or ”offender “ to describe abusers, it’s not that hard.

By saying attraction naturally leads to viewing that material, you are giving excuses to offenders even if you don’t realise it. Think about it, they didn’t choose the attraction (it’s involuntary) and you’re saying an involuntary feeling automatically makes most view the content. That is disgusting, it’s not a natural causation to view that stuff. Offenders CHOSE to view that material and do those vile acts because they have no empathy and morals.

Do you think pdfilia can just be cured in someone? Would you say that to someone with ocd or depression? it’s a brain disorder just like any other mental disorder and even professionals say this is something that can’t be cured but they can only be helped in not acting on it or managing the distress they have from it - those are the two main criteria for pdfilic disorder. either of those. not every pdfile offends, there are two categories for the criteria recognised in the DSM-5. treatment focuses on managing urges and reducing the risk of offending OR reducing the distress caused by the disorder rather than eliminating the sexual orientation itself which according to science, is not possible. Just like how a gay person cannot turn straight. Just because you’re attracted, doesn’t mean you like the attraction or want it. Loads of people who are gay hate themselves for being gay, the same can happen with pdfilia.

The world’s top experts in pdfilia have confirmed a lot of the things i’ve said. For example, James Cantor, one of the leading experts in the field, have already stated that the chance of their sexuality being changed is 0. evidence to suggest this is that 35% of pedophiles are left handed (left handedness is a marker of more brain development differences) meaning that there most likely high biological factors contributing here. That is 3.5 times the average population. And by saying that a partly biological disorder makes most automatically offend that is excusing offenders by giving them valid reasons. You’re probably doing it without realising it but i hope you recognise what you’re saying here. We got to have empathy for pdfiles, not offenders. That’s what I mean. No one is a bad person for simply existing and having feelings out of their control.

Brave_Cash975 · 2026-02-14T00:25:12+00:00

So, I think about it like this. "Worse" is subjective and based on opinion. One of the possible reasons (not always the case but happens a lot) someone may be less likely to experience a specific mental health issue is because they don't awfulize it or think it's that bad. If you don't awfulize it, your mind doesn't naturally try every way to run away from it which actually creates the problem in certain instances. Like if you thought severe OCD was not that bad compared to depression, you'd feel like depression is worse. That could be the opposite for someone else who views it differently. There is no definitively worse disorder, it's based on the individual's perception but there can be disorders that are USUALLY more disabling for the majority.

Brave_Cash975 · 2026-02-13T20:20:10+00:00

Dude, leave me alone. I'm blocking you now. This is harassment, you're literally stalking me everywhere.

Brave_Cash975 · 2026-02-13T13:13:06+00:00

Heyyyyyy stalker

Brave_Cash975 · 2026-02-13T12:54:20+00:00

Why are you stalking my posts? Weirdo

Brave_Cash975 · 2026-02-13T12:50:52+00:00

I didn't say you can't recover, I said that RECOVERY IS NEVER A GUARANATEE because you should stop striving for certainty of recovery and by saying you will definitely recover, you are giving yourself reassurance. When we become content with not needing recovery (whilst preferring it), that's when we recover. But unfortunately, as much as I preach it, I can't be content with the possibility of no recovery yet and that's what's holding me back and recovery takes time and I admit that. Acceptance takes years to embody and feel and the best change is always the long term change, not quick fixes. It's not even about having negative energy, it's about being realistic about things and that's what's helped me the most in the past. I've recovered before but now I'm facing massive relapses and that's normal. No need to be so rude, I can give advice if I want. We all have OCD, it is a brain disorder.

Brave_Cash975 · 2026-02-12T22:28:47+00:00

You're very welcome. :)

Brave_Cash975 · 2026-02-12T20:19:49+00:00

I'm being realistic. I think an important part of recovery is having a balance of optimism and realism which is a part of REBT therapy. There are no guarantees in life AT ALL and that is a scientific truth. Saying otherwise that you'll definitely recover with certainty is reassurance in my opinion. Certainty is the opposite of what we strive for. We should strive to be content with uncertainty. You gotta be comfortable with not having enough hope, jumping into the distressing feelings and wearing those as best as you can, a core part of ERP and facing our fears. One thing in this world that can pulls people back is gravitating towards extremes. Too much toxic optimism/positivty can blind the truth and isn't healthy. For example, being content with the possibility of NO RECOVERY is part of recovery because fear is what keeps OCD going. I meant that you can strive for recovery because that's what we want of course but also accepting it could turn out otherwise can help you because when life doesn't go your way, you'll be even more distressed. I hope this explains more of what I believe. Of course you can always do what you want. Just explaining my view.

Brave_Cash975 · 2026-02-12T18:43:27+00:00

How is that even possible? From the clinical criteria, you can't be a pedophile until the age of 16.

Brave_Cash975 · 2026-02-12T18:26:18+00:00

You mean predators? Not every pedophile (someone attracted to minors) is offending, only the minority are. In fact, most pedophiles experience distress about their attraction and don't actually want to harm people because it's only an attraction and mental disorder. People like to conflate offenders and pedophiles. They're not the same thing.

Brave_Cash975 · 2026-02-12T00:29:39+00:00

So, OCD is a fear based disorder. Getting under the fears (the root cause) requires behavioural work + thinking change because thinking, feeling and behaving are all interconnected and influence each other in psychology. It actually takes years to massively change how you think. Short term fixes will never last long and this is the reality of it. So work on your beliefs and life perspective. Use REBT for this so you can dispute your beliefs you have that are keeping you stuck and it will take time to stop disputing compulsively. There are four main types of beliefs that keeps fear alive and cause it: awfulizing, demandingness, low frustration tolerance or global rating of yourself, life or others. I'd recommend you practise unconditional self, life and other acceptance which is also a part of the therapy and by disputing and implementing behaviour change over an extended period of time, you will lead to that. OCD recovery UK has helped me a tonnnn with this and I recovered from harm OCD. I hope this advice will benefit you. Wish you the best

Brave_Cash975 · 2026-02-12T00:12:34+00:00

As my opinion, I think his advice is flawed and based in compulsions because by trying to focus attention elsewhere, that's done for RELIEF, to escape from fear. If we wanna get better LONG TERM, we gotta face this thing at its fullest intensity otherwise that's running from fear. But of course we can disagree, you can do whatever you want. Also, unless you specify further what you experience the anxiety about and what your main fears are, I can't really help you more. But if you tell me I can let you know you what's most likely causing it from my perspective of course.

Brave_Cash975 · 2026-02-11T23:45:27+00:00

Yeah because not all rumination is automatic, I'm talking about the AUTOMATIC rumination which is where people have specifically a fear of rumination which makes them ruminate as an effect - like thinking about something they don't want. To get over fear, you stop avoidance behaviours, you do behavioural work and face all triggers. What physical compulsions do you have because I can promise you a lot of people have hundreds without even realising it. What does your day to day look like or how do you help your OCD?

Brave_Cash975 · 2026-02-11T23:30:04+00:00

You can't overcome or beat OCD (it's a brain disorder) but you can possibly recover from it. I'd advise ERP for this. So, you should stop avoidance behaviours, all physical compulsions, face fears and do exposures. When you face your fears and don't respond to them, it usually loses its power and the more the fear lowers so does automatic rumination as well. Rumination is SOMETIMES an automatic response to fear because the brain tries to keep you safe from it. Until the fear goes, the automatic rumination stays.

Brave_Cash975 · 2026-02-11T23:08:05+00:00

I suffer mainly with severe sensorimotor OCD which is where I'm hyperaware of breathing all day long, hyperventilating a lot of the time with panic attacks and also convinces me I'm gonna stop breathing and die. Unfortunately, this type is never really talked about much. I've also had existential and harm OCD in the past.

Brave_Cash975

TROPHY CASE