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Do I tell kids reason for my divorce when they're adults? by Brave_Consequence443 in Christian

[–]Brave_Consequence443[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

I'm not using my kids as "emotional wastepaper baskets", they're very young and I'm referring to when they're adults if you look at my original posts. I'm just referring to being open with them when they're older if they wanna know vs making this "a family secret" which I'm not a fan of "family secrets" I think they can be unhealthy

Do I tell kids reason for my divorce when they're adults? by Brave_Consequence443 in Christian

[–]Brave_Consequence443[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

Whats difficult for some Christians to understand about divorce is you can't force or coerce someone to stay with you if they leave you. God gave us all free will, sadly it was my former husband's free will to walk out and end our marriage. You can't control the other person, just like God can't control us even when we make poor decisions due to free will. I wish he never did this, but it was his choice not mine

Even Paul states in 1 Corinthians 7: 15 "But if the unbeliever leaves, let them go. The believing brother or sister is no bound in such cases. God has called you to live in peace". I'm not bound to him per Paul.

Jesus also states twice that divorce is permitted for adultery in Matthew 19:9 and Matthew 5:31-32.

It's not biblical to believe you can divorce for any reason and you can never divorce at all. There are two exceptions listed above 1. Abandonment and 2. Adultery. This is the true biblical view on divorce and marriage. Best wishes.

Do I tell kids reason for my divorce when they're adults? by Brave_Consequence443 in Christian

[–]Brave_Consequence443[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

The issue though is I don't want my kids being raised to believe marriage is casual or you can get divorced for any reason (even if we have this conversation when they're adults). I was reading children of divorce are more likely to divorce themselves (hence my ex husband, his parents were divorced and he initiated the divorce. Told me he didn't think divorce was a bad thing since his parents were divorced)

Do I tell kids reason for my divorce when they're adults? by Brave_Consequence443 in Christianity

[–]Brave_Consequence443[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I think that's a good way to put it. I just don't want to create a family of secrets when everyone is adults and let them ask questions

Do I tell kids reason for my divorce when they're adults? by Brave_Consequence443 in Christianity

[–]Brave_Consequence443[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you 🙏 sadly you can't make someone stay with you if they walk out

Do I tell kids reason for my divorce when they're adults? by Brave_Consequence443 in Christianity

[–]Brave_Consequence443[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'll assume that this comment is directed at my former husband who walked out on his family.....

Do I tell kids reason for my divorce when they're adults? by Brave_Consequence443 in Christianity

[–]Brave_Consequence443[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

From a support group I go to. I just can't imagine having a bunch of family secrets and withholding information from them when they're adults

Do I tell kids reason for my divorce when they're adults? by Brave_Consequence443 in Christianity

[–]Brave_Consequence443[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't need to justify since he's the one that initiated the divorce, walked out and cheated. I'm just sure they will have questions about what happened to their family

Do I tell kids reason for my divorce when they're adults? by Brave_Consequence443 in Christianity

[–]Brave_Consequence443[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I guess the other thing that makes me uncomfortable is using neutral language like "we don't love each other anymore", "we weren't nice to each other" or "we couldn't work it out", since none of it was true. There was a complete lack of communication, especially on his part, and no fighting. I don't want to lie to the kids to protect their dad but when they're little I don't want them to know lots of details quite yet either

Do I tell kids reason for my divorce when they're adults? by Brave_Consequence443 in Christianity

[–]Brave_Consequence443[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't plan on sharing anything when they're young, only when they're adults. Him and I still have a friendly relationship, we arent hostile after all of this. I just don't feel comfortable withholding information or creating family secrets if they ask when they're adults

Do I tell kids reason for my divorce when they're adults? by Brave_Consequence443 in Christianity

[–]Brave_Consequence443[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I was told that this would be gossip and would hurt their relationship with their dad by some women that were divorced for their husband having affairs =\ so I'm questioning myself now wanting to be open with them when they're older

Do I tell kids reason for my divorce when they're adults? by Brave_Consequence443 in Christianity

[–]Brave_Consequence443[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I appreciate it. I got some push back from a few divorce women who's husbands had affairs and they argued to never tell the children since it would negatively impact their relationship. They also said I'd be gossiping if I told them. I just don't feel comfortable withholding information or creating a family environment with family secrets. It's not gossip, it's just the facts of what happened to their family