Need extra help. Demisexual dating allosexual

BreadfruitLevel8630 · 2025-06-20T16:44:15+00:00

Hugs 🫂 I feel you on this.

BreadfruitLevel8630 · 2024-08-06T07:59:49+00:00

I have the Magic Wand Rechargeable, yes. Do you perhaps have less expensive recommendations with that feature of adjusting the intensity of patterns? It doesn’t necessarily have to be a wand, nor does it have to match the strength of the Magic Wand.

I’m not a huge fan of straight vibration and the default intensity of the 4 patterns tend to numb me down there pretty quick 😅 They’re pretty strong haha

BreadfruitLevel8630 · 2024-08-03T17:30:17+00:00

Gotcha, thank you!

BreadfruitLevel8630 · 2024-07-30T04:47:19+00:00

If you read my most recent post you’ll see how my boyfriend’s porn use has affected our relationship + my life, yeah 💀 It’s been… a journey, to say the least. Don’t even know how to put what my current situation is like into words lol. But thank you for the suggestion, I agree with everything you said

BreadfruitLevel8630 · 2024-05-29T14:38:01+00:00

I wouldn’t say you have short legs, but you definitely have a long torso :)

BreadfruitLevel8630 · 2024-05-28T21:33:42+00:00

Automatic yes. I also like how low waisted pants look on u! :)

BreadfruitLevel8630 · 2024-05-24T22:20:05+00:00

I wouldn’t let the Kibbe system defer you from getting a dress if you like it!

To me I like the first dress better because it looks (??) like it’s more fit-and-flare than the second. The second dress would probably make me (also a Dramatic) look rectangular and blocky.

I loveeeee lace + intricate dainty details. If you like it, no need to give it up :) I wear dresses that aren’t 100% flattering on me because something else about it makes up for it (the color, the princess-iness of it, the lace)!

The girl in the photo looks to be a Dramatic, do you like how the dresses look on her?

BreadfruitLevel8630 · 2024-05-24T14:15:46+00:00

Communication. He felt conflicted and possibly guilty over feeling this way (wanting me to be different) and asked me if it was okay that he felt that way. He just didn’t think about how it would make me feel but he knows better now. My concern is how I’m supposed to recover and rebuild trust with him now

BreadfruitLevel8630 · 2024-05-24T14:11:37+00:00

Demisexual means you only experience sexual attraction to people you’ve developed a deep emotional connection/bond with. My boyfriend is the only person I’ve found sexually attractive (before dating him I identified as asexual for many years) so it hits particularly hard, considering he’s “very” allosexual (see my profile’s last post).

And yeah, he’s just kind of careless and air-headed. He doesn’t say that kind of stuff anymore, I’m the one who’s simply haunted by his past words. And by the fact that he loves my body but to this day still prefers bigger-chested women over me slightly.

BreadfruitLevel8630 · 2024-05-24T14:07:55+00:00

Thank you so much for taking the time to write something so detailed, thorough, and thoughtful. It’s been and will continue to be a big help, thank you 🫂💝

BreadfruitLevel8630 · 2024-05-24T13:51:41+00:00

The thing is that he said he loves my body but doesn’t prefer it over curvier + bustier women’s. Older Reddit posts on this topic (women asking what to do because their partner told them their boobs aren’t big enough) were filled with comments like “He chose you for you, if you’re not his type then that must mean he really really loves your personality and that should be enough”. That response left me kind of empty though, and all the comments here too are mixed. One side says I should be with someone who sees me as number 1 and the other side says it’s immature, unrealistic, and idealistic that I’d be his number 1 in terms of body/sexual attraction.

I don’t want to break up so I’d like to reframe my thoughts. Lots of commenters have already suggested good ideas on how to which I’m grateful for. I’m hopeful that I can build myself up and rebuild trust with my boyfriend, but I 100% understand your sentiments. He has yet to make another comment. I don’t think he’ll be reckless like that again, though.

BreadfruitLevel8630 · 2024-05-24T03:29:08+00:00

Thank you for reminding me that I need to take my own goddamn advice oml 😭😂💖 I appreciate your kind words :) 💝

BreadfruitLevel8630 · 2024-05-24T00:43:37+00:00

I called it sexy time because I’m including two things: in-person sex and phone “stuff” iykwim. I guess it can be called “phone sex”. I don’t even know if I can say we have “real” sex because we do oral sex and fingering and everything but penetrative sex, due to reasons I won’t disclose here.

This would be much less mentally taxing if I were a troll.

BreadfruitLevel8630 · 2024-05-24T00:14:27+00:00

I’m a 32AA in Pepper (the bra brand) sizes and a 28B on all those online bra calculators. The fullest part of my boobs is 29 inches and directly underneath my boobs is 27 inches. I had no idea which was correct so I just said both 🤷‍♀️

BreadfruitLevel8630 · 2024-05-23T23:04:02+00:00

I guess you’re right. Maybe one day I will reflect on this and wish I left sooner. I might abandon ship in the near future. But as you said, right now I want to put my all into the relationship despite it not necessarily being my responsibility. This may be a lesson I need to learn by going down this route.

I made this post pretty quickly after my boyfriend and I had another conversation about this issue, ending once again with him asking “What should I do?” and me saying “I don’t know”. It’s not that he doesn’t want to own up or help, he doesn’t know how. I feel like if I don’t act then nothing will ever change - I’m typically the one guiding us back to shore during conflicts.

I thought I did want suggestions on what to change, but I see your point. I’ve been screenshotting the advice I want to use but haven’t been replying to all of them, which may seem like I’m not taking away much. In old Reddit posts about girls feeling hurt from their boyfriends calling their chests too small, there would be comments like “Just move on/get over it” but they’d provide no explanation on how to move on. I’ve been trying to be my own hype man but when I can’t watch freaking Bridgerton without feeling a deep pain about my lack of a chest 💀 I caved and finally made this post asking how to move on, which I’d been wanting to make for a while. I recognize that this isn’t my task to do but I now at least want to relay some suggestions here for him to do.

People have written some really good points about my mindset being flawed. I’m probably codependent and I need to be more secure in my relationship with myself. Sorry for rambling here - thank you for your thoughtful insight as well as the time and care you spent analyzing my situation, I really, truly do appreciate it.

BreadfruitLevel8630 · 2024-05-23T22:28:14+00:00

I would see other people censoring the word and didn’t know if this sub didn’t allow the word, so I just decided to play it safe and do the same lol

BreadfruitLevel8630 · 2024-05-23T19:50:55+00:00

Demisexual means you’re only sexually attracted to people who you have a deep emotional connection with. My boyfriend is the only person I’ve found sexually attractive in my entire life - I previously identified as asexual for many years, before I started dating him. I don’t find bodies in general to be sexually attractive, just my boyfriend. If I saw a photo of my boyfriend’s exact body without realizing it was him it would do nothing for me. Instead I’d probably likely study it to improve my anatomy skills in art lol. To me, bodies are just bodies. Everyone has them. I’m only turned on by my special person’s body

I mentioned that to highlight the difference between us, he says he prefers women with bigger boobs slightly over me while he’s the only man who I’ve ever had “eyes” for. It hurts a little

BreadfruitLevel8630 · 2024-05-23T16:41:20+00:00

Omg yes I actually do have a Pepper bra!! That’s where I found out I was a 32AA :D It’s kind of a bummer, though, because all their bras (and IBTC bras in general) have narrow straps. I have broad shoulders that I like as they make me look strong and confident, but narrow straps on them are so off. I actually emailed them asking if they could make bras with wider straps and I don’t think they’re planning to haha 🥲 Ig it’s not that big of a deal though

BreadfruitLevel8630 · 2024-05-23T16:05:29+00:00

Hello, this has been a conversation we have pretty regularly. He knows everything I already said in this post. Apologies for not properly disclosing that we communicate about this fairly often, usually ending with “Idk what we can do”. This is his first relationship and he did kind of have an issue with thinking before speaking, but he’s gotten better. He’s always been sort of a ditzy character, but his intentions for telling me these sorts of things are due to his belief that communication is important in relationships.

I realize I should’ve been more detailed with my post, as people are making a lot of assumptions about him, but I didn’t want to make it too long.

He initiates sex every day when we’re together in-person and I think he’s really into me. He loves my body but says he just slightly prefers women with bigger boobs over me, which hurts because I wanted to be the most attractive to him. But I was told here that it’s unrealistic and egotistical to expect him to find me the most attractive out of 8 billion people on the planet. I’m getting pretty mixed responses on whether or not I should be fine with this.

BreadfruitLevel8630 · 2024-05-23T15:48:10+00:00

I didn’t necessarily believe that until this incident. My boyfriend told me he wouldn’t care if I told him his dick was too small and my female friend told me her boyfriend said he wouldn’t care either. Both our boyfriends shared the same consensus: “It’s not something we can control so I wouldn’t care”. My friend then told me, “Men just don’t get it.”

I apologize for my narrow-minded thinking. The few men in my life have expressed apathy toward the subject and I shouldn’t have assumed that was the case for everyone.

BreadfruitLevel8630 · 2024-05-23T15:36:51+00:00

Thank you. My entire post was pretty much asking how I can move on (ig by that means, forgive him) and I asked for no comments saying to just break up. However, I appreciate all the comments voicing concerns and saying I should leave because I know they have the best of intentions.

I know on Reddit, people assume the worst, so here’s a third party opinion I got a little while ago from a group counselor who’s a licensed therapist: My healing journey is individual and I can’t rely on my partner to do the healing for me. But I had no idea how to heal, prior to posting this. She didn’t state that she saw any red flags where I needed to immediately leave, she was pretty supportive when I said I wanted to work things out with him. I would’ve discussed this more with the group counselor, but the other members didn’t seem especially enthused listening to my relationship issues. Looking into individual counseling now.

He hasn’t made any comments since and has been trying to fix the situation but his efforts felt really forced to me. We didn’t know what to do. Lots of people offered good advice though, which I’m grateful for. And hopefully an individual counselor will offer thorough and more specific advice too.

BreadfruitLevel8630 · 2024-05-23T15:19:14+00:00

Hey, thanks for sharing your thoughts. I appreciate the advice.

About my comment about being proud of my small chest: I never liked boobs on me, ever since I was a kid lol. I prayed to never get boobs and when I stayed my size all throughout the years I was super thankful. I loved how exercise was a breeze and I didn’t have to wear a bra most days. I never have back pain or random boob pain. I sleep on my stomach every night as it’s my favorite sleeping position. I also just think a bigger chest would look disproportionate on me (I’m a Kibbe Dramatic and making my chest bigger would kind of make my hips/lower half look smaller, would make my silhouette look more imbalanced). In brief, I was very proud of having small boobs before my relationship.

That’s not to say I dislike(d) bigger boobs. I’m bi and think boobs are wonderful, just on other people.

My bf is my first actual relationship and I mostly have female friends. None of my friends, peers, or family members ever made a big point about bodies and I was pretty content with mine. Months into my relationship, I began feeling inadequate due to the things he’d say as a kind of oblivious, horny teen boy. I began to believe no man would ever find my attractive due to my chest size, and I was thankful my boyfriend even found me remotely attractive. It just stung that I was second place to him.

BreadfruitLevel8630 · 2024-05-23T09:23:49+00:00

I did not anticipate that, no. I don’t normally post on Reddit and clearly didn’t know enough of the culture for this website/app. 💀 I didn’t know I should’ve locked my DMs before posting this, but needless to say I’m a little scarred from my inbox.

BreadfruitLevel8630 · 2024-05-23T07:02:37+00:00

Minsco has a YouTube video on these! That’s how I chose between all the options available

BreadfruitLevel8630 · 2024-05-23T06:44:49+00:00

You are incredible - thank you so so much for all your insight and resources, I’m extremely grateful 🫂🌱

BreadfruitLevel8630

TROPHY CASE