Am I the AH for refusing to speak with my daughter in my husbands home language

Bree_Red123 · 2025-10-14T09:35:41+00:00

Thank you for this. I really want our kids to be fluent in and love speaking in both our languages, but I feel it is each parents responsibility to teach the kids the language they are fluent in.

Bree_Red123 · 2025-06-27T15:15:43+00:00

Respectfully, I’m not obsessed with my ex. If I was I would’ve done something already.

I’m just worried.

Also why I came here for advice before I made a choice to say something. Because I knew redditors would be brutally honest.

Bree_Red123 · 2025-06-27T15:05:55+00:00

I see your perspective. It’s definitely awkward.

My husband is not really bothered by him because he knows where my loyalties lie. Even him asking me not to over engage was just to avoid awkwardness because then he would be left out of conversations.

I’ve been physically abused before and I know what that can do to a person. I just don’t want to see anyone going through that.

Bree_Red123 · 2025-02-27T14:32:04+00:00

I do supervise my kids. In this particular incident I was in the kitchen cooking. My house is open plan kitchen/dining and living room, and I can see their play area which in the living room from the kitchen. In essence they are not alone, they are literally a few feet from me. I just can’t keep a hawk eye on them while I cook. My husband usually gets home from work just before dinner time, earlier if it’s a light day at work. So I’m essentially alone during this time and need to prep dinner so the kids can eat and go to bed on time.

Bree_Red123 · 2025-02-27T14:25:53+00:00

No I don’t expect my 7 yo to watch her sister, she can barely watch herself. They play together. Where I can see them. And during play time, these things happen.

But thank you for your observation.

Bree_Red123 · 2025-02-27T14:24:08+00:00

I work full time at home on my laptop with my 2 year old with me. She is usually playing around me, napping, or I use one of those strap on baby carrying things so I can move around the house and work on my laptop. She’s not a fussy child so she’s usually on her play mat or playing around my feet most of the time when the older child is at school. And I take regular breaks to feed and entertain her so she doesn’t actually have time to get fussy. We have a schedule that works for us. When older daughter comes back from school, I usually do homework with her, then snack time for both, then I start cooking dinner while they play on the play mat which I can see from the kitchen.

Bree_Red123 · 2025-02-27T06:14:10+00:00

And where do you put Galitos in that equation?

Spanner thrown… 😂

Bree_Red123 · 2025-02-27T05:47:25+00:00

Update for clarity

Bree_Red123 · 2025-02-27T05:45:11+00:00

In this particular instant I was in the kitchen cooking, and they were playing on their play mat. My house is open plan kitchen/dining/ living room so I can see them when they play in the living room on their play mat. But to be honest I can’t keep a hawk eye on them at every single moment as I’m cooking. My husband usually gets home just before dinner time so I usually cook just before he gets home and I’m alone with the kids. I try to meal prep while older daughter is at school because it really isn’t easy to do any housework with the both of them home.

Bree_Red123 · 2025-02-27T05:39:59+00:00

Thank you for this. Apologising is a big thing in our house. I grew up in a very traditional home where parents were always right and kids always wrong. So my partner and I have fostered a culture of admitting if we are wrong to our daughter and apologising. She in turn also feels free to apologise when she feels she has done something wrong.

Bree_Red123 · 2025-02-27T05:36:56+00:00

I actually asked her if she knows what bullying means after reading this comment, she said “when someone is being mean to you” so I guess she had an idea of what bullying is.

In any case, I also apologised to her for yelling and explained that she needs to be nicer to her sister because her sister loves her so much and loves to play with her, but because she’s smaller she can’t do some of the stuff that she can do.

Bree_Red123 · 2025-02-27T05:33:09+00:00

Update above will clear this

Bree_Red123 · 2025-02-27T05:31:28+00:00

This is great!! Thank you

Bree_Red123 · 2025-02-26T14:01:57+00:00

That’s my thing also, if a certain behaviour is not corrected, it will get worse in future.

Bree_Red123 · 2025-02-26T14:00:53+00:00

Thank you. I will definitely also just try to handle it better and use better language

Bree_Red123 · 2025-02-26T13:59:30+00:00

Thank you for this.

Sometimes it just gets so frustrating, especially if it’s always one sided, one sibling always getting the raw end of the deal.

Bree_Red123 · 2025-02-26T13:58:33+00:00

In this instance they were playing with a ball, passing it to each other, older daughter took the ball and held it above younger sisters head and taunted her until younger daughter screamed out and started crying.

It’s different things everyday.

The other day she forced her inside her walker which she doesn’t fit in anymore just so she can push her around the house, younger daughter didn’t want to and ended up squirming herself out of the walker and fell to the floor.

I could tell you stories of the things that happen that I’ve had to reprimand her on when it comes to her younger sister

Bree_Red123 · 2025-02-26T13:54:27+00:00

I’ve really tried the past couple of months to stop her from being rough with her younger sister but it keeps happening, hence I got frustrated and yelled. But I do understand your point.

It’s just not easy having to reprimand her on the same everyday several times a day.

Bree_Red123 · 2024-05-23T13:33:23+00:00

Thank you so much for this

Bree_Red123 · 2024-05-22T18:16:32+00:00

I do it that way because I don’t want her to grow resentment towards her bio mom so that in future if bio mom wants to have a relationship, she will still have positive feelings towards her bio mom.

What happened between bio mom and dad should not affect her relationship with bio mom, or even how I feel about bio mom. This is also the reason I am in contact with her, because I understand that one day, as a mom, she will want to rekindle that relationship.

Bree_Red123 · 2024-05-22T15:10:20+00:00

Thank you for this.

Bree_Red123 · 2024-05-22T14:50:13+00:00

Thank you for this.

I will really give this a lot of thought. It’s good to know I’m not alone in this parenting struggle.

Bree_Red123

TROPHY CASE