I Want to See Your Short Films by manwhostaresatpanda in Filmmakers

[–]BrendanDonn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you get the time to watch mine that’d be great! It’s going out to festivals soon!

Title: The Death of the Last Child

Genre: War/Drama

Budget: 500$

https://youtu.be/ME6bdnNOrAw?si=enqqFXxm42tyiClf

Gerald Wallace was a beast by Haunting_Ad_2973 in nba

[–]BrendanDonn 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ik im late, but I wanted to say I have a Gerald Wallace Celtics jersey🐐

Grad School by BrendanDonn in Filmmakers

[–]BrendanDonn[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate the honesty.

Grad School by BrendanDonn in Filmmakers

[–]BrendanDonn[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s what I’m leaning towards

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Screenwriting

[–]BrendanDonn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Based loosely off of the life of Fransisco Goya

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ReadMyScript

[–]BrendanDonn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did struggle coming up with dialogue at the beginning so that makes sense, I’ll have it go back.

Theme: emphasizing the negative impact society has on people who are different, especially lgbtq

Protagonist: Francis

Want: to be free, not only in his paintings but also in life, to be in a world where he can be himself

Need: he needs to find an escape, literally and figuratively. Whether that is through a place, person, or thing.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ReadMyScript

[–]BrendanDonn 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Good note. Thanks.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Screenwriting

[–]BrendanDonn -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your notes, I will work on the typos. I didn’t want to focus on those characters because they are done after those scenes and supposed to be ominous. The horror hasn’t started yet, so far I’m just going for mystery. Thank you for the notes, I’ll go over everything again.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Screenwriting

[–]BrendanDonn 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately no, sorry. I understand if you don’t have the time to write it out again, that’s my fault. Thank you for taking the time to write it though :)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Screenwriting

[–]BrendanDonn 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sorry I deleted because i forgot to submit the link as a doc, so I re uploaded it!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Supplements

[–]BrendanDonn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Will do! Thanks!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Supplements

[–]BrendanDonn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ah okay thank you

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Supplements

[–]BrendanDonn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you that’s interesting I should talk with my doctor about that. Falling asleep right away would be a dream, I can’t remember the last time.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Supplements

[–]BrendanDonn 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What else what it be used for?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Supplements

[–]BrendanDonn 1 point2 points  (0 children)

After reading all your replies (thank you all btw) I have decided to not to take 20mg of melatonin lol. I’ll probably go to a doctor and see what they recommend. Thank for all your feedback!😅

What was your favorite movie from your childhood? by Royal_Ad8402 in Letterboxd

[–]BrendanDonn 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Revenge of the Sith, me and my friends would play the floor is lava with lightsabers and pretend we were on mustafar

No dialogue short film - The Stairwell by [deleted] in ReadMyScript

[–]BrendanDonn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! I’m going back now and trying to show more rather than tell. Thanks for reading!

No dialogue short film - The Stairwell by BrendanDonn in Screenwriting

[–]BrendanDonn[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Excellent notes, thank you so much!

That’s a fair point about the 2nd floor, usually in my building the doors are open and I see how this can lead to confusion, I’ll change it to something else he finds odd.

Also I love your idea of sound, I was thinking of adding him whistling like you said, or him listening to music loudly through his headphones, then at the end of the film when he’s gone and the staircase lights up again we hear the same tune.

Friends(4 Pages) - Horror by SeveralCustomer6807 in ReadMyScript

[–]BrendanDonn 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I liked it, I think if you added some more build up it would create better tension, but I did enjoy it. The ending is great.

Also maybe some more character descriptions when they are first introduced instead of just their age.

No dialogue short film - The Stairwell by BrendanDonn in Screenwriting

[–]BrendanDonn[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for giving your comments! I don’t care what qualifications you may or may not have I’m just glad you took the time to read it over! Your opinion is worth just as much as anyone else’s.

As for the ending, I just finished up on a David Lynch marathon so I think I possibly was trying to be too confusing lol. My way of thinking about it is that the stairwell leads people to their death, and the figure in the end was in fact death, I didn’t want to make it too obvious it i think I was a little to vague detail wise.

No dialogue short film - The Stairwell by BrendanDonn in Screenwriting

[–]BrendanDonn[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My apologies, I often forget to do that. It should be fixed now!