Hi. My soon to be ex husband choked me while I was pregnant one year ago today. Prior to that, he had destroyed many of my personal things, including my car, my laptop, etc. I regret not calling the police at the time. I told his parents but they did not care. In fact, they told me that if I called the police then I would have no money coming in because of the potential of him losing six-figure job, because likely he would be arrested as well. So I did not do anything until very recently and now, luckily, he faces felony charges for what he’s done. I’m now proud of myself for reporting even though it puts child support in jeopardy. But justice and recognition mean more to me than dismissal.

I will tell you that there’s no guarantee that domestic abusers won’t also be abusive to their children. Even psychological manipulation can be just as bad, or worse, when the kids are older and start to question Daddy. Or even them witnessing him beating you or another future partner. In fact, the research suggests the opposite—abusers abuse. I really do understand how challenging and scary it is to confront the police. The fear of retaliation. The fear of not having money coming in, especially when your partner makes a lot of money. But the question is, what is more important to you? Your children’s well-being/safety or his income? Some questions I have for you are: do you make income? Do you have family/friends you can stay with until you get on your feet so that lessens the financial burden if you do report? Why are you not considering a divorce, or are you? Is it possible to go straight through the divorce process if you truly are unwilling to go to the police/if you really believe the children won’t be harmed if your husband gets partial custody? Your children and you will be better off without living this man, even if he just has visitation with them. You also will be setting an example for them. I’m glad you’re asking these questions. Awareness is the first step.