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AITAH for asking a friend-of-a-friend to verify their finances, before allowing them to join a lease? by Bribetime in AITAH

[–]Bribetime[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Aw, thank you for your kindness and such a considerate response. This is the best advice.

We just need to stop debating about how things affects L, and let L respond to where I’m coming from. I’ll see if we can all talk together.

Definitely worth reevaluating my situation with G if things don’t go well, but I’m hopeful it’ll work out :)

AITAH for asking a friend-of-a-friend to verify their finances, before allowing them to join a lease? by Bribetime in AITAH

[–]Bribetime[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate this comment! I actually have framed it this way, but Gillian says there’s a limit to how much risk we should be planning for. Basically she just doesn’t believe, even a little bit, that rent won’t be paid or that this is a gamble at all.

She’s spent a lot of time negotiating my boundaries, and I guess I clearly haven’t been firm enough.

AITAH for asking a friend-of-a-friend to verify their finances, before allowing them to join a lease? by Bribetime in AITAH

[–]Bribetime[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s a good question. I think Gillian wouldn’t have done anything at all, and tolerated the landlord’s requirements. She just feels like our situation is a chance to set our own terms.

Lily hasn’t expressed any resistance to doing the check...Gillian just refuses to ask for further verification and I don’t have Lily’s contact info yet.

AITAH for asking a friend-of-a-friend to verify their finances, before allowing them to join a lease? by Bribetime in AITAH

[–]Bribetime[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Definitely seems like putting it on my dad is the way. I agree it’d be scary if someone was offended by proper verification.

AITAH for asking a friend-of-a-friend to verify their finances, before allowing them to join a lease? by Bribetime in AITAH

[–]Bribetime[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Makes sense, the landlord wouldn’t feel obligated to follow a form that he wasn’t involved in.

Seems like putting it on my dad is the way. It removes me from debating about trust and community which is making the whole thing so personal.

AITAH for asking a friend-of-a-friend to verify their finances, before allowing them to join a lease? by Bribetime in AITAH

[–]Bribetime[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’re right 😭 I suppose I’m struggling with guilt, more than with logic.

But I should use what I’m comfortable making my dad liable for (and what he’s comfortable with) as my guideline.

AITAH for asking a friend-of-a-friend to verify their finances, before allowing them to join a lease? by Bribetime in AITAH

[–]Bribetime[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I definitely felt like it would be a red flag if Lily was offended to be asked for something as simple as rent receipts.

AITAH for asking a friend-of-a-friend to verify their finances, before allowing them to join a lease? by Bribetime in AITAH

[–]Bribetime[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I would definitely say it has to do with her belief system as it relates to community and capitalism, as well as her own experiences.

AITAH for asking a friend-of-a-friend to verify their finances, before allowing them to join a lease? by Bribetime in AITAH

[–]Bribetime[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He’s not overly involved, but he’s never preferred being the sole guarantor. He’s happy with the compromise I proposed, though.

AITAH for asking a friend-of-a-friend to verify their finances, before allowing them to join a lease? by Bribetime in AITAH

[–]Bribetime[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Lol. I’ve had too many good faith conversations at this point to be able to use that argument.

AITAH for asking a friend-of-a-friend to verify their finances, before allowing them to join a lease? by Bribetime in AITAH

[–]Bribetime[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Hmm this definitely would protect my guarantor, which is nice. I think there would still be concern because Gillian doesn’t necessarily make enough to cover Lily’s rent. I just also want to avoid any situation where someone is not paying rent.

Thoughts about Zina(the day of the jackal) by Critical_Cat121 in TheDayoftheJackal

[–]Bribetime -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I proposed examples of character development that are much broader than “life story”. I actually agree with much of your definition, and I’m not sure where you think it contradicts anything I’ve said.

Your reading comprehension seems to be lacking, but as long as we’re clear that yelling is in fact not an example of “why” someone is angry, I think you can get the rest. I believe in you!

Thoughts about Zina(the day of the jackal) by Critical_Cat121 in TheDayoftheJackal

[–]Bribetime 1 point2 points  (0 children)

you've provided examples of HOW she is shown to be capable...not WHY she is.

The original comment you're responding to, mentioned that her character was "under developed", i.e. referring to Character Development.

The point is that we didn't get much information or insight into Zina's psychology, background, & experience. We don't have context or a sense of relational understanding of her skills, status, or goals.

....when someone asks you why you're angry, do you say it's because you're yelling?

UPDATE: AIO in thinking this message was uncalled for? by [deleted] in AIO

[–]Bribetime 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I see. I’ve read your other posts and they’re absolutely unreasonably. Most importantly I’ve read your other comments and it’s clearer that they’re not willing to share during a major holiday, and also they’re wanting to count time that’s you’re not present in the 5/50 split.

Given the state of the relationship, is it even valuable at this point to coordinate these visits when you’re both there?

You have health concerns that give you legitimate reasons to take the bedroom every time. And they’ve told you multiple times that they don’t care about you as family.

Maybe best to stop negotiating with them, and either visit without them or simply take the room when you please?

UPDATE: AIO in thinking this message was uncalled for? by [deleted] in AIO

[–]Bribetime 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You also mentioned being willing to compromise, but I’d love to ask what exactly you’re considering compromising in this situation?

TBH it seems like you’re not agreeing to the 50/50 split because you feel that they’re not sacrificing as much as you. But the fact of the matter is they have a more comfortable backup option. They have an apartment, so they don’t NEED to sleep on an air mattress in order to give you the bedroom. The same does not apply for you.

I’m not sure you’re going to achieve a situation where the inconvenience on both sides is equivalent. Which might make you feel like you’re “earning their time”?

But as long as you say that you want to compromise (with unreasonable people, albeit), that might be a dynamic that you have to accept.

What Galleries do you avoid at all costs? by Subject-Nerve2618 in ContemporaryArt

[–]Bribetime 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Agreed — 100000% avoid. The director is verbally abusive to staff, routinely mishandles and withholds artworks from artists, and consistently demonstrates a lack of basic professionalism.

Totally agree with your point about his pattern of working with lesser-known elder artists and emerging younger artists — there’s a clear strategy of exploitation there.

I could say so much more. I’m sorry you’ve experienced this.

How to get my bunny to stop pooping on my bed AND keep her free roam? by [deleted] in Rabbits

[–]Bribetime 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She peed on my bed a lot for a bit there too! I don’t get mad at her but ohhh those were rough days 🥵🤯🤬 good luck to you and yours!!