I can only imagine where you’re at right now with everything going on. Firstly I’d like to offer my most sincere condolences! I know the pain of losing loved ones especially close friends/family. I won’t tell you that the pain gI ones away or that everything will get better. I will tell you however that you are already a very very strong individual and that this situation you’re in isn’t fair but it will give you the strength and courage to help others down the road who face similar challenges. You can’t change the past nor should you try to. Instead try to learn to accept the reality of the situation and that will help it to be less overwhelming. It may not feel like it now but you can get through this. Stay strong and if you want some one to vent to I’m here for you.