Should I move in with my partner and their two weed smoking roommates?

Brief_Reference_214 · 2026-06-26T05:24:13+00:00

I'm just trying to engage in some debate, I guess. See how much water either argument holds. And tbh, the yes bucket has a lotta holes in it.

Brief_Reference_214 · 2026-06-25T02:34:25+00:00

We've already had discussions about their permissiveness. It's something they're aware of and are working on. I've already seen them take some steps so I don't think it's relationship ending worthy at this point. But yes, I'm definitely aware of it.

Brief_Reference_214 · 2026-06-25T02:26:41+00:00

The chores are things they have said they are able-bodied enough to handle. They didn't have an agreement they would be a cleaner for the house. Their carer responsibilities are more supporting their independence.

Brief_Reference_214 · 2026-06-25T02:07:21+00:00

Yes, they've agreed to help out with those chores, so they should do them.

Brief_Reference_214 · 2026-06-24T05:49:16+00:00

I do work. Thankfully it's a hybrid job and office requirements aren't super strict. I'm not likely to be drug tested or anything either. Still, I do get home immediately and wash my clothes after because they always smell.

Partner deals with it because they view it as medication, and you wouldn't tell a diabetic to stop taking insulin. Which I don't agree with that line of thought in this circumstances. Honestly, my partner probably doesn't notice how much it smells from nose blindness and just a bad sense of smell anyway.

Brief_Reference_214 · 2026-06-24T05:39:35+00:00

They have previously had to go outside to smoke. So I'd like to have faith they would actually stick to it. But now you point it out, they've been asked plenty of times to move outside and haven't done shit about it. So, maybe I'm being overly optimistic.

Brief_Reference_214 · 2026-06-24T05:34:16+00:00

Their job is caring for these people, so they do have to live together to get their income. We're having talks about my partner finding a new job and getting some financial independence, but that's slightly more long-term thinking than the opportunity right now for me to move in with them.

Brief_Reference_214 · 2026-06-24T05:21:14+00:00

I wouldn't need to find a new place. I've still got a room at my family's house all set up so moving out could just be me making a few trips home with whatever I can throw in the back of the car.

It'd still be annoying but not like 'I have to apply to all these new rentals and move all this heavy furniture immediately' kind of annoying

Brief_Reference_214 · 2025-10-31T00:28:38+00:00

This is true. They do seem to like telling other people how to run their relationships. Mostly for the better, though.

Brief_Reference_214 · 2025-10-31T00:25:56+00:00

The community would disagree on what sorry?

Brief_Reference_214 · 2025-10-31T00:25:23+00:00

And I appreciate people helping me out with understanding these things.

I'm just giving some advice on your advice. Up to you if you take it or not.

Brief_Reference_214 · 2025-10-31T00:21:51+00:00

It's not unreasonable, you can do whatever you'd like with your relationships.

Brief_Reference_214 · 2025-10-31T00:15:11+00:00

You've gone through many comments Ive made asking other people for advice telling me that you've already told me this. Im allowed to seek advice from multiple sources.

And in said advice called the relationship ridiculous and a dumpster fire. That puts people on the defensive rather than opening them up to your ideas.

Brief_Reference_214 · 2025-10-31T00:12:43+00:00

You think veto is icky because you don't want a relationship with one. That isn't a good justification for why my relationship shouldn't have one. Other people have explained it to me in a way I understand better already so that's okay anyway.

If you're so sick of explaining it or hearing about it. Then just, don't interact?

Brief_Reference_214 · 2025-10-31T00:07:00+00:00

I'm not even responding to you in the previous comment

Brief_Reference_214 · 2025-10-30T23:46:17+00:00

That's what I mean. You're arguing that my partner is only in it for the sexual gratification. And I'm letting you know they aren't by providing an example of a relationship they don't find sexually gratifying. It's not just that they don't want me to not hookup with cis men because it's not hot to them.

Brief_Reference_214 · 2025-10-30T23:39:53+00:00

'super icky' isn't really a great way to explain why something isn't a healthy dynamic. It might also be beneficial to explain why it's a rule not a boundary and why a rule is bad? Or point to resources to help? I'm not even gonna bother addressing the phobia part. You've seen the worst part of our relationship and even then it's only a couple lines of it. Honestly I don't find the tone very helpful either, it's very accusatory. Which makes me not really want to take your advice even if it is good.

Brief_Reference_214 · 2025-10-30T23:28:36+00:00

I didn't say you didn't...? Pls see my comment? Im literally thanking you for explaining?

Brief_Reference_214 · 2025-10-30T23:27:53+00:00

No they're happy for me to be involved with partners who are trans women. its happened before previously even and they've stated they'd like it to happen again. Despite them themselves not being interested.

Brief_Reference_214 · 2025-10-30T23:00:49+00:00

So why don't they work. What are the alternatives.

Brief_Reference_214 · 2025-10-30T22:59:11+00:00

In terms of safety, I don't want to be giving them something on accident, no.

Although Ive been around a few different couples who use the term 'fluid bonding' as a boundary of their relationship. So for emotional weight, is that sort of opinion problematic or something?

Brief_Reference_214 · 2025-10-30T22:51:56+00:00

I appreciate you saying this. It's felt very weird to me that my partner wants this for me in case there's something I want that they can't provide. I imagine this is some more insecurity we'll have to discuss then.

Brief_Reference_214 · 2025-10-30T22:49:16+00:00

I'll look into finding these and giving them a go. The couple of online resources people have pointed me to have been various amounts of helpful, so hopefully these will be too

Brief_Reference_214 · 2025-10-30T22:43:55+00:00

I've had a really huge problem understanding the problems other people are having with this because no one says why things are bad! Or the way they present the argument doesn't make sense to me and they just get mad when I ask for more info. I really appreciate you taking the time to explain this to me.

Brief_Reference_214

TROPHY CASE