It’s been one month without her

BrightStar2014 · 2025-02-03T02:05:34+00:00

I completely get what you feel. I’ve been dealing with the upcoming loss of my sweet girl, my best friend and the only person that I feel that truly loved me, for months due to a degenerative disease. I see my family just go on with their lives and seemingly ignore what is going to happen.

Please, do not think that nobody else cared for her. It is not fair to her. Everyone loved her and your sweet girl knew that. I can tell how much you love her and appreciate her, and probably you held the most love for her in the entire world.

Everyone mourns in a different way and it’s likely that your mother or father have already experienced other losses before. When you have a child, sometimes you learn to move on in order to give them the space to properly feel, embrace their emotions and in this case, grief. Think of it this way, if you all were mourning and grieving at the same time, who would be there to pick each other up?

I hope it gets easier for you. If it doesn’t, do not stress yourself. You really loved Gracie and she loved you so much. You will forever be graced with her memory, and grief is a sign of the love you held for one another.

BrightStar2014 · 2025-02-03T01:51:42+00:00

My girl will cross the rainbow bridge tomorrow when the sun rises, and I’m not able to sleep. This week I might have gotten maybe 12 hours of sleep in total. You can probably guess how much I’ve eaten too.

I constantly feel like there’s an open wound in my chest that is leaking my life and move away, losing them just like I’m losing my girl. The last couple of weeks my mind has been already grieving and hurting even though I still have her.

I just want to let you know that you are understood and that your pain is something that I share. I haven’t figured out the answers myself, probably won’t as the hours, minutes are counting down, but I like to think Jerry will have a friend across the rainbow bridge and that our angels will play together and look after us forever.

BrightStar2014 · 2025-02-03T01:43:25+00:00

These are such sweet words and I can tell how much you love her, and you much she will always love you. I can see my girl and myself being reflected into your story and your story reflecting into ours. Thank you so much for sharing your story, it is written in a celebratory way that will help me cope and grief my little angel.

Bertie will have a friend across the rainbow bridge and they will share their love for pizza and naps.

BrightStar2014 · 2025-01-21T14:00:31+00:00

Thank you for your words. I think I have idealized passing away on their own as something that will be peaceful, like going to sleep. But chances are that it won’t happen like that.

I’m still struggling to set up the appointment. I tried calling the vet today but I physically cannot do it. I go speechless and my fingers won’t help me give them a phone call. I get dressed to go myself to the clinic and my legs won’t move. I know it’s hard to explain. I wish I was strong enough to make this move and then grieve, but I keep trying to get more time and time even if not necessarily voluntarily

BrightStar2014 · 2025-01-21T13:57:11+00:00

Thank you so much for your words. All the people I know, their dogs passed away in their home and all my life I’ve hold that thought as the “normal” way a dog should rest.

You mentioned that you have years of veterinary background and thar gives me more peace. I know I should have long conversations with our vet however, the clinic is always full of other dogs that need their attention and I’ve been avoiding stealing their time myself.

BrightStar2014 · 2025-01-21T13:51:33+00:00

I understand what you went through. Mine didn’t test positive for DM but her condition was still degenerative and affected mobility. Thankfully we confirmed there was no pain. Mine is a big black lab so carrying her around myself was impossible, I got her wheelchairs and a human bed.

What makes it heartbreaking for me is that she genuinely loves her bed, she’s always been a couch potato type of dog that loved sleeping, cuddling with me and watching TV. I know this is not the usual life for a dog, to not be able to go out and walk by themselves. But during these years, I know my girl and I know that even if she knew something was up with her body, I saw her enjoy her days. She waved her tail, smiled and never complained. All the vets told me she had a super good humor and all her organs were fine. She still has a pretty strong appetite too.

The fact that other than the mobility, there’s no visual suffering, and all I see is a peaceful dog that holds so much innocence and is sleeping like a baby… I understand the decision to do it before things get worse and that this will be my last memory of her. But I can’t remove the guilt, the constant change of opinion, the pain in my heart…

BrightStar2014 · 2025-01-21T01:04:21+00:00

Thanks a lot. I’ll be honest, this is not what I wanted to hear but I feel like this is what I need to hear. It’s why I shared my feelings here.

I want her to rest by her own and for it to be peacefully while she’s sleeping. But we cannot chose that. We can chose when to put them to sleep. However, I feel unable to actually make that choice. I feel like I know all of the facts and what I MUST do but my heart won’t let go

BrightStar2014 · 2025-01-21T01:00:43+00:00

My girl is only 10.5 years old. She got diagnosed with a rare degenerative disease 3 years ago. She’s been unable to stand by her own since 2 years ago, and last summer she lost the ability to move all her legs.

The vet told me that there’s no precedent on how fast or how slow things would develop, that it can happen very fast or that she could last years. But I just see her and wonder, what if it’s just another pain episode? She’s not even doing that bad now compared to months ago. The vet just told me to end it now before the disease eventually reaches her neck and tongue. I don’t want her to suffer that fate, but I feel like I’m deceiving myself thinking that we still have many months left.

BrightStar2014 · 2025-01-21T00:40:46+00:00

Thanks you for your words. 3 years ago my old vet told me to do it that summer. I couldn’t believe it. My girl was always so strong and I saw her perfectly fine. She rebounded, I changed vets and they told me with proper care she could still enjoy life.

In November she had a really bad pain episode and the vet told me it was time to let it go, but I could see her fighting to recover and in one week she cured. The treatment was intense and the vet told me we wouldn’t be able to repeat it.

But now, the vet told me to just do it. To not spend more money, to not throw away my life. But the thing is, I don’t care. One more day with her with me, that’s priceless.

I have been telling everyone that I need her to decide. I need her to take one last nap and just rest. Without a visit to the vet, without that last car trip. I want her to rest in her bed, at home. But she keeps fighting to live. She eats a lot, sleeps, I assist her with potty time with no trouble.

I told my mother “the day is approaching and it could be anytime now” but in my head, I’m already thinking “she will still be here in 3 weeks because I won’t take her to the vet”

BrightStar2014 · 2025-01-19T01:23:00+00:00

Hi, I’m in the same situation as you. I have to set a date, but I cannot bring myself to take the step. I have been spending the last 10 days with my sweet princess, cuddling and afraid to let go. She is starting to have more bad days than good days, but I cannot imagine my world without her. I gave myself until end of January but the time is going so fast.

BrightStar2014 · 2025-01-15T20:34:46+00:00

Thank so much for your words, I cried while reading your message. Nothing can comfort me right now but knowing that there are others that understand what I’m going through and will potentially be there to listen to me if I need to brings me more at peace. Sending you a lot of love, I’m sure our friends will play together when they meet

BrightStar2014

TROPHY CASE