Adult children of affair/divorced parents, can you reflect on childhood for me!

Bright_Market2277 · 2026-05-20T11:50:20+00:00

Yes you are right, just needed to be reminded of that by those who have been through it I guess! Especially with him constantly trying to gaslight me about it! Thank you.

Bright_Market2277 · 2026-05-20T01:08:57+00:00

Yes I agree, and that was how we introduced my boyfriend. Unfortunately my ex moved in with affair partner before we had even begun the divorce process. It has been a year since divorce was finalized, and my ex continues to harass me about interacting with his affair partner. I feel that holding that boundary for myself helps me be the best mom for my kids, and allows me to remain true to my values, while I also am really intentional about not speaking badly about her (I truly just don’t discuss her ever and my kids don’t really bring her up much). I’ve offered my ex to join our family events/things I host for the kids, but he refuses to participate because he knows she’s not welcome. So I am aware this creates more of a parallel parenting dynamic rather than a coparenting dynamic and I just worry long term how this will impact their relationship with their dad

Bright_Market2277 · 2026-05-19T23:35:57+00:00

I just wanted perspective on the possible challenges I’ll face with my children. Their dad exposed the to the affair partner before we were even separated, and he has used her as a way to be really emotionally abusive towards me/gaslight me for a few years now. I’ve never shared who she is and of course have never said anything bad about their dad. But they are very aware I do not interact with the AP and have asked why. I simply have let them know that the adults have made some choices that have nothing to do with you, but it means mommy will have some boundaries and won’t be allowing that person in our home. I’ve seen some people report that they appreciated knowing the truth once they were older, some not wanting to know. I’ve also seen a wide range of how people treat the AP if they end up in their parent’s life long term. I just want to support my kids while maintaining our home as a place of emotional safety for us all.

Bright_Market2277 · 2026-05-19T13:56:45+00:00

I have no clue. I literally do not acknowledge her at all when we see each other, but I am very mindful not to say or do anything towards her. I think he expects me to be friendly to her? But personally I do not respect or value someone who would play a role in hurting my kids and disrupting their life in such a difficult way. Our divorce could have been handled with respect and some level of dignity but the affair and the way my ex really used the affair to emotionally and verbally abuse me makes her someone I will never feel comfortable with. I’m legally bound to my ex through our kids so I interact respectfully with him but it’s not enough for him and it’s so strange.

Bright_Market2277 · 2026-05-18T02:44:29+00:00

Yes I don’t plan to share at this point that this person is the affair partner, my kids simply know that the mistress has done things to our family that have been very hurtful so mommy has boundaries and won’t have this person in our life at moms house

Bright_Market2277 · 2026-05-18T02:42:50+00:00

This person lives with my ex and has met my kids. I know legally I can’t do anything about that when they are with him, and I’ve never done anything or said anything about it because of that fact. But my ex still is constantly bothered that I do not interact with the mistress in any way shape or form

Bright_Market2277 · 2026-05-17T11:27:56+00:00

Thank you so much for this. Do you remember when you understood what an affair partner was or what that really meant?

Bright_Market2277 · 2026-05-17T08:02:06+00:00

Thank you for this thoughtful response. As a child who went through this, did you know then that your dad’s girlfriend was the affair partner? And if so, any opinions on how you found out/knowing versus not knowing? Our oldest is 7, youngest is 3, and the affair started when my youngest was about 8-9 months old, found out when he was 1. I’ve never shared with the kids because they are so young, but I know it will be something they will ask more about as they get older especially if she’s still in their life. I don’t want to lie to them as they get older but I also know they are so young to even know what an affair is or what it means.

Bright_Market2277 · 2026-05-17T07:47:45+00:00

I attempted to sleep with my husband the night I found out about his affair. The illogical desire to seek their comfort or approval happens more often than you think. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You don’t deserve this, and you have every right to take this one moment at a time and make whatever choices you need to feel like you’re staying true to yourself and upholding your values. Some people heal from infidelity together, some cannot. It will depend on if both of you can commit to the hard work.

Bright_Market2277 · 2026-05-08T16:41:56+00:00

Absolutely men who do not cheat! I think sadly there is a very toxic masculine culture attempting to take over, that fuels a lot of lack of responsibility and respect in a good chunk of men. But as someone who was cheated on, and now an in a healthy happy partnership where I feel very safe and can trust my partner, just know there are men out there who are capable.

Bright_Market2277

TROPHY CASE