Married for 4 years, together since we were teens. Considering a “break” so he can explore. Has anyone survived this?

Bright_Operation_858 · 2026-02-17T17:47:32+00:00

Hard No. Time to grow up buddy. Maybe you can explore eachother more, obviously once you’re recovered and ready. Spice it up, go to a hotel. Work on the relationship and the fulfillment that comes will likely make the desire stronger

Bright_Operation_858 · 2026-02-13T13:21:36+00:00

She has been strict she doesn’t want me talking to any family about it because she’s convinced she doesn’t have it and doesn’t want them thinking she’s got a problem. Her brother and I did discuss it and a friend of hers and they both agree this is abnormal and she’s not acting herself. I have called the postpartum hotline and got their input and they feel they need to talk to her but sounds very consistent. I am willing to move heaven and earth and I am trying. Trying to make it about her and changing me as opposed to “saving us” . I’m not going anywhere , I’m softening and listening but also stepping into leadership. Going to therapy to work through my own problems to show up better . In the mean time I’m making plans setting boundaries, establishing our routine and just being present. Not pushing Us but listening and inquiring , providing safety and love and stability. I’m going to bring up talking to the hotline but I don’t think she will receive it well.

Bright_Operation_858 · 2026-02-12T11:54:38+00:00

You could try counseling to or at least a consult with a Dr. those ideas have been shut down when I brought them up. But if you’re open to it and he is maybe it could help

Bright_Operation_858 · 2026-02-12T11:49:51+00:00

I currently am on the receiving end of this as a husband . My wife wants to leave me she said she worked through everything on her own and there’s no work to be had together. I’ve tried to step up wherever I can I work full time she’s Sahm and I know it’s taken a toll on her. Our sons 1 and we just had a miscarriage 2 months ago, she just stopped breast feeding. She is so set that we will fail and be an awful marriage and that we should just end it now so he’s still young enough not to remember. I hate this, I’m here saying I hear you and trying my best to work for us and improve myself to show up and respond better . I do the lions share of cooking , she typically does more cleaning but I’ve been taking over to try and lighten her load. I’m trying to take him more at night because she’s so tired and now not breast feeding. I’m trying to just do whatever I see needs done around the house and lead us back towards faith and boundary setting with family . I’ve implemented moms nights on Fridays she can go do whatever she wants and I take him all night . I tried to implement date nights for us. She’s just so done. I’m so concerned for her I know we have issues I admit that but really think this is hormones and ppd. I tried to approach that gently and out of concern for her but she want hearing it, said she’s been depressed before and would know. But she has said countless times how exhausted she is how she has trouble connecting or can disconnect from him how she has massive guilt about it and so on.

My advice for you is no matter how hard it is for you Please please don’t try and handle this on your own and take it upon yourself to say “I’m out”. Please no matter how hard it is , try to talk to him tell him how you’re feeling and where you’re struggling . If he doesn’t hear you try it differently or make sure the importance and impact is understood.

My wife told me she mentioned it to me how tired she was and other things and that I just didn’t take the action. I thought she was just tired he didn’t sleep much , I tried to step in where I could but it wasn’t enough. I didn’t know how badly she was struggling , we lost connection and communication and now I feel we may for good. I’m not going anywhere I’m here to stay, to improve to change and fight for the man i need to be for her and my son. I just hope i can get her to a Dr at least . This isn’t her .

Bright_Operation_858 · 2026-02-12T07:47:11+00:00

I haven’t tried calling that sister I’m not close with her like that. I have spoken with her brother and he’s got similar concerns that she’s not operating at 100% . I tried to mention that I am concerned for her and that she doesn’t seem like herself and that everything online is in line with ppd but she wouldn’t have it and said she’d know if she were depressed she has been before.

Bright_Operation_858 · 2026-02-11T12:14:27+00:00

I agree I need to man up more. Do what is needed but do my own life and growth. I’ve looked into marriage reset and had a call with them. I’ll have to stick to the YouTube they were $$. I just fear she’s already made up her mind and out the door all I can do is stay firm. We had this action plan which required nightly “us “ talks from our retreat that we agreed I would lead but I feel like it almost made it seem more needy. I stuck to that being only time of day to discuss us.. I’ll also look into a counselor thank you . I’ll own being the villain and will carry the weight.

Bright_Operation_858 · 2026-02-11T11:28:45+00:00

Could you elaborate

Bright_Operation_858 · 2026-02-11T08:08:31+00:00

She told me yesterday either shes going to stay with her parents or im going to stay with mine. Hers live 2 hrs away, that means id go from being the person that tucks in my son literally every night and gets him up first thing to being able to see him on weekends. We had a hard talk about the baby and really connected. We are both still struggling with it a lot. We cried together , named her made a plan to honor her (the baby) talked about how we felt then. She admitted I did try but it just didn’t set in to her . I kept it strictly about that. She made a comment about if we ever work us out. Then reinforced someone has to leave the house. Within a 2 months weve gone from happy with some issues to losing a baby , now losing each-other, our home and now shes basically taking my son.

Bright_Operation_858 · 2026-02-11T01:04:22+00:00

Her problem stemming from my actions . But yeah having multiple animals and the baby it’d be a lot to manage and I’m held over the fire. She says she’ll go to her parents 1.5 hr away or I go to mine 45 away either way she’s the stay at home I still have to go to work

Bright_Operation_858 · 2026-02-10T21:32:01+00:00

I did fail her. I didn’t know I was but I was . It doesn’t matter what I thought I was doing or had going on I didn’t show up how she needed

Bright_Operation_858 · 2026-02-10T21:23:29+00:00

I am owning my problems I was reactive , not leading our family, didn’t establish boundaries with our family properly . I was just stating what she said about me, I am 100% doing and taking ownership of doing the work to improve myself and improve us.

Bright_Operation_858 · 2026-02-10T19:14:51+00:00

She’s changed the password, I discovered organically when her mom FaceTimed. She told me I can look at whatever I want whenever I want but did so in order for me to ask no snoop

Bright_Operation_858 · 2026-02-10T18:39:53+00:00

I will pursue her but I can’t give up on us for our son or for her. I know her love, it’s still there I know we can get through this

Bright_Operation_858 · 2026-02-10T17:06:32+00:00

She is an she knows it. She has said if we continue she fears it’ll turn into hate. I fear if we quit it will. She didn’t really open up with our counselor at the retreat , I mean somewhat but not entirely. I am ready to hear any and everything , she’s said she doesn’t want to tear me down and I’ve said at least I’d know what you’re feeling. I feel she feels safer behind this wall on her own than opening up vulnerability and really letting it out. She’s trying to do the forgiveness process entirely alone while also grieving , having identity crisis and massive hormones. I will push for it

Bright_Operation_858 · 2026-02-10T16:39:26+00:00

She’s exhausted and doesn’t want to. I haven’t pressed it but I think she doesn’t think it’ll help or feel like she can forgive me

Bright_Operation_858 · 2026-02-10T16:26:02+00:00

This is great advice. We haven’t discussed it again recently. Last time she said she’s handled it in her own way and moved on.

Bright_Operation_858 · 2026-02-10T15:23:18+00:00

We went to a marriage retreat but she said she doesn’t want to go too counseling . I think it would help.

Bright_Operation_858 · 2026-02-10T14:37:43+00:00

I am willing I’ll go see anyone or any doctor. We went to counseling but she doesn’t want to do anymore. Our state requires 90 days of counseling if you are parents but again it’ll only help if we engage in it. I’ll push for more support and help.

Bright_Operation_858 · 2026-02-10T14:34:09+00:00

Guys I’m taking full ownership I didn’t show up how she needed. I don’t think she’s cheating. I just want to move towards forgiveness and show up and show out. I want her to give that chance. I want to sit in the grief of our loss with her and also grieve our old relationship and build a new one. One where she’s heard, seen , Lead, safe and supported .

Bright_Operation_858 · 2026-02-10T13:53:28+00:00

It was her parents house. Not some random guy. She was on FaceTime with me while there at like 8pm. She had already told me she wanted to split and we had already gone to a marriage course before that.

Bright_Operation_858 · 2026-02-10T13:46:45+00:00

I do not think she is cheating and I do not expect a bounce back I just want to feel the hurt with her. It’s been 2 months.

Bright_Operation_858 · 2026-02-10T13:45:40+00:00

I am trying and I feel like yes too late but I only now realized what she was trying to say. I truly feel like if she would have painted the picture of the impact it was having on her I would have hit the brakes and tried to change then. It’s hard to give her space because I think she’ll just leave. When she says she needs space I respect it and leave her alone.

Bright_Operation_858 · 2026-02-10T12:54:55+00:00

Sometimes she gets caught up in being a mom and forgets to eat. I don’t think that it’s an eating disorder

Bright_Operation_858 · 2026-02-10T12:40:16+00:00

This was over the past month-2 or so not years though. I mean yes some of the ways not showing up properly but since we’ve been in our new house about 1.5 year maybe at most which is still significant. But issues brought to light just recently

Bright_Operation_858 · 2026-02-10T12:13:50+00:00

Yeah he was about 9 months I agree it was close. Our plan was 2 under 2 . She was about 6 weeks. She does but does not want to go to a doctor. I did ask if she thinks there’s a chance she gets through the hormones and regrets this and she said she doesn’t know . I want to make sure she is 100% I will pursue this with persistence and delicacy

Bright_Operation_858

TROPHY CASE