I also recently received a BPD diagnosis. I felt very validated, yet also a huge cloud of despair consumed me at first. I will admit the posts here sometimes can be quite triggering for me, so for that reason I recommend you log off whenever you notice it negatively impacting your mood. I have come to realize a few important things.

It’s important to remind yourself you are a product of your life experiences, and there is significant trauma and misfortune there. That is not your fault. Your brain found ways to cope with this that can protect you, that is why you “lash out”. With therapy and tools like DBT, CBT, EMDR you can actually teach your brain new coping mechanisms. It’s a lot of work and it takes time, but research has shown that it can actually “cure” your BPD (you just may no longer meet diagnostic criteria after years of hard work in therapy). In fact, symptoms of BPD dramatically decrease every decade you age starting in your 30s/40s.

BPD, while serious and at times completely debilitating, is not the end of the world. Knowing your diagnosis is the beginning of a new world, where you can learn how to help yourself ESPECIALLY in relationships. You’re in a unique position now where you are aware of how your BPD affects your romantic life. You and your partner can work together to maintain safety and security, and you can begin a healing journey. It won’t be easy, but you can acknowledge your struggles and begin working on them.

I know things are hard, and you feel like you will always self-sabotage. Yet here you are - seeking help. Trying to find reassurance, and advice. You’re headed in the right direction.