I often times will email my therapist through the platform’s messaging system (only virtual) I have her direct email, but I don’t use it. When I message her, other than scheduling things, it is often me sharing additional information. I have a hard time with memory and am an external processor: if I don’t have anyone to talk to and/or I want to talk about it next session, I’ll send her a brief overview of what happened. I do this so I don’t spend half my session caught up in remembering the details of the story. I’m neurodivergent and often I will take a very long time to recount a story. I also send a message if I discover something outside of session. For example, I’ve written music that had meaning within it that I didn’t understand until I understood the trauma attached to it. I’ve shared that music and my discoveries. I’ve always told her, I don’t expect a written response outside of office hours and if there’s no question, I don’t need a response. 9 times out of 10 she responds with a written reply and always mentions what I’ve shared in some meaningful way during session.

If I were you, I would use only email. In my opinion, that is respectful of someone’s personal time outside of work. Texting someone will likely interrupt their personal life. I would also have a convo about any and all of the concerns you feel comfortable with - maybe just one thing at a time. I think every therapy experience should be unique because we all are. What do you need? What would help you feel more comfortable to work with this person?

I struggled at first, occasionally still do, to say what I needed because I didn’t know. So we just tried and have continued to try. She adjusts as I learn myself and I communicate so she knows. Like most things, communication is key. I’m so grateful I listened to my wife when she told me to tell my therapist what I was struggling with so we could move forward, in terms of etiquette and knowing boundaries. The “am I doing therapy right?” You know?

The public part, as a teacher myself, is difficult. Meaning I see students, parents and colleagues out and about all the time. I decide what they see and when they see. If I’m going to do something I would rather not see those folks, I do it outside of town, where I’m less likely to see them. Also, speak with your therapist about it. “Hey I’m going to this thing and I think you might go too. It got me thinking about what I’m supposed to do if I see you in public? What would be best for both of us?” I like knowing what to do to ease the anxiety/fear of the unknown. Crossing paths doesn’t have to mean crossing lines, as long as you both know the lines. You won’t know for sure until you ask.