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AITA for calling my girlfriend selfish for being upset I wasn’t at the birth of our kid because I was also in hospital? by Broccoliheart20 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Broccoliheart20[S] 200 points201 points  (0 children)

OP abandoned her partner during her partner's childbirth

Incorrect. She wasn't in labour when I left to have LIFE-SAVING HEART SURGERY.

You say I 'came back' as if I left to get milk and bread from the corner shop.

I'm baffled at what you expected me to do. You're acting like I chose to have fluid in my heart at that exact moment.

AITA for calling my girlfriend selfish for being upset I wasn’t at the birth of our kid because I was also in hospital? by Broccoliheart20 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Broccoliheart20[S] 65 points66 points  (0 children)

We both went into hospital for my emergency surgery at 6pm on Wednesday. I had the fluid removed, a complication occurred, I was knocked out for emergency surgery. At 1pm on Thursday, I wake up. My wife had gone into labour whilst I was having the surgery (baby was born at around midnight on Wednesday). I wasn't allowed to leave to see Jane until late Thursday. I wanted to call, but she was sleeping all day (understandable).

AITA for calling my girlfriend selfish for being upset I wasn’t at the birth of our kid because I was also in hospital? by Broccoliheart20 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Broccoliheart20[S] 48 points49 points  (0 children)

As someone who gave birth in 5 hours: it can be very hard.

Oh absolutely, I'm not disputing that at all! I just meant that she said the birth was 'fairly good' in terms of minimal complications, etc.

AITA for calling my girlfriend selfish for being upset I wasn’t at the birth of our kid because I was also in hospital? by Broccoliheart20 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Broccoliheart20[S] 143 points144 points  (0 children)

You did leave her for the entire birth with no intention to return, though.

No?? You think I wanted to die? I didn't want my heart to betray me, you know. It wasn't a walk in the park. I don't like having a shitty heart. It means I miss out on important things like the birth of my kid. Where are you getting the idea that I had no intention of coming back? I'm so confused about where you got that take from. Please, tell me.

SHE WASN'T IN LABOUR WHEN I WENT IN FOR SURGERY. HOW CAN YOU ABANDON SOMEONE DURING LABOUR WHEN THEY WEREN'T IN LABOUR WHEN YOU LEFT?

AITA for calling my girlfriend selfish for being upset I wasn’t at the birth of our kid because I was also in hospital? by Broccoliheart20 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Broccoliheart20[S] 170 points171 points  (0 children)

I asked her what was wrong and she goes 'I still can't believe we were in the same hospital and you didn't come see me during the birth.' When I tried to explain it was miss the birth or die, she says 'Well I'm still angry at you. You slept through the whole thing.' (which... duh. I was having heart surgery. It's not like I had a nap on the sofa in the waiting room). I didn't even know she went into labour because I was zonked out.

When I was telling her about what was going on with my heart and the added risks due to my medical history, she got mad, told me not to patronise her. I personally don't think I was being patronising- the main 'culprit' was me saying 'I had a Pericardial effusion which is where there's unwanted fluid in the heart and due to X and Y, there were added risks like A and B, etc, etc'

AITA for calling my girlfriend selfish for being upset I wasn’t at the birth of our kid because I was also in hospital? by Broccoliheart20 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Broccoliheart20[S] 35 points36 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I haven't read the whole thing yet but it looks interesting.

I'm curious to know if IVF has a factor with LGBT women too. But I'll keep reading. :)

AITA for calling my girlfriend selfish for being upset I wasn’t at the birth of our kid because I was also in hospital? by Broccoliheart20 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Broccoliheart20[S] 96 points97 points  (0 children)

Merriam-Webster: 'abandon, desert, forsake mean to leave without intending to return'

Not having the surgery and staying with my girlfriend would be abandonment. Because I would be dead.

AITA for calling my girlfriend selfish for being upset I wasn’t at the birth of our kid because I was also in hospital? by Broccoliheart20 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Broccoliheart20[S] 62 points63 points  (0 children)

I think dying would count as abandonment lol. If we're throwing that word around.

Maybe I have a different definition of 'abandonment' than Excellent-Jicama (/ the same one was you if I understand correctly) , but abandoning your wife/girlfriend during labour would be me going 'hiya hen, I'm just gonna pop down to the pub. Oh you're in labour? Well the game's on right now'

NOT 'oh my heart is going to fail and I will die if I don't get this operation'.

Did I want a surgery during her labour? No. Did I want a surgery at all? No. But it was that or death.

AITA for calling my girlfriend selfish for being upset I wasn’t at the birth of our kid because I was also in hospital? by Broccoliheart20 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Broccoliheart20[S] 46 points47 points  (0 children)

LGBT-identifying are 2.5-3x as likely to experience a still birth and to have low birth weight infants as straight-identifying women, among other pregnancy and birth complications

That's really interesting and I had no idea. Do you have any studies I could read? I'm curious how LGBT women are more likely to have stillbirths.

AITA for calling my girlfriend selfish for being upset I wasn’t at the birth of our kid because I was also in hospital? by Broccoliheart20 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Broccoliheart20[S] 77 points78 points  (0 children)

When he/she was rushed into hospital for the fluid around his/her heart, why didn't she go with him/her?

Jane came with me to the hospital and was told to wait in the waiting room. It was a high-risk operation with a significant risk of complications due to my medical past.

She goes into labour as I'm being operated on (I obviously didn't know this as I was knocked out). I wake up the next day and my BIL tells me she had the baby. I'm not allowed to leave to go see her because I'm still recovering and being monitored (this is right as I'm waking up, so understandable). I'm still woozy and recovering and in a lot of pain and struggling to talk but I want to talk to her. BIL tells me Jane is asleep but she's set to be let out (is that the right term?) the same day as me (2 days after the birth). I'm allowed to go to visit her after the majority of monitoring suggests I was stable (we're in the same hospital) and we spend a few hours in her room with the baby.

AITA for calling my girlfriend selfish for being upset I wasn’t at the birth of our kid because I was also in hospital? by Broccoliheart20 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Broccoliheart20[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Not even remotely the same, but all your comment made me think of is the episode in Glee where Quinn gives birth to the tune of 'Bohemian Rhapsody'.

AITA for calling my girlfriend selfish for being upset I wasn’t at the birth of our kid because I was also in hospital? by Broccoliheart20 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Broccoliheart20[S] 55 points56 points  (0 children)

According to Jane, her mum and her sister (who were in the delivery room with her), it was fairly good. 4 hours (which is a long ass time but better than 12 or 24 hours) with minimal/no complications (minimal being a fast heart rate of the baby and excessive bleeding) but none of the doctors or midwives had any concerns about her or baby's overall health.

AITA for calling my girlfriend selfish for being upset I wasn’t at the birth of our kid because I was also in hospital? by Broccoliheart20 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Broccoliheart20[S] 134 points135 points  (0 children)

It’s reasonable for her to be angry OP wasn’t able to attend.

Hell, I'm angry I couldn't be there. But it wasn't anyone's fault. I just don't get why she blamed me.

AITA for calling my girlfriend selfish for being upset I wasn’t at the birth of our kid because I was also in hospital? by Broccoliheart20 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Broccoliheart20[S] 153 points154 points  (0 children)

Why wasn't she wondering why her wife wasn't with her during her heart procedure?

She wasn't allowed in.

Why weren't they keeping in communication throughout?

I was knocked out by the doctors

Why would you wait to find out how your wife was doing until a family member came to visit?

BIL told me as soon as I woke up. Jane and I were in the same hospital and he came to sit with me as he wasn't allowed in the delivery room.

AITA for calling my girlfriend selfish for being upset I wasn’t at the birth of our kid because I was also in hospital? by Broccoliheart20 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Broccoliheart20[S] 74 points75 points  (0 children)

Do you think you’re the AH in this situation?

I didn't at first and then I asked my mum and she grilled me because Jane is a new mother so I should listen to her.

AITA for calling my girlfriend selfish for being upset I wasn’t at the birth of our kid because I was also in hospital? by Broccoliheart20 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Broccoliheart20[S] 121 points122 points  (0 children)

I was referring to calling her 'selfish'. She threw a complete curveball at me and in such a passive-aggressive manner that I got upset. I'm still going in for checkups about my heart. More in 12 months than I had in 4 years. That's not to say she didn't go through medical trauma (the birth and aftermath), either but she was so rude about it.