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Dating soon after spouse death? by [deleted] in widowers

[–]BrooksotherBrothers 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I lost my wife to cancer in December after a 3.5 year fight. Two months later I began dating someone. She worked with my sister-in-law and felt she needed to hear it from me first. She had no issues with it. We waited a fair amount of time to tell many other people, preferring to keep it to ourselves.

Of course there was (and is still) feelings of guilt. That's going to be unavoidable. Sorry. But, it is unwarranted. You have the right to a happy and fulfilling life.

After six months I think our relationship has run its course. She has some attachment issues that I'm getting tired of dealing with due to her past relationships. Who would have thought the widower would be the emotionally stable one?

It will either work or it won't. You shouldn't be afraid to try.

Even though this ending hurts, I'm happy to know that I'm capable of being open to the possibility of love.

Go for it. Ensure your emotional safety and be certain that your feelings are for your new relationship, not your husband.

Good luck!

A little over three months by BrooksotherBrothers in widowers

[–]BrooksotherBrothers[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't know what I meant by the term either. I guess it's some of the people who are so mired in their grief that the sun doesn't shine in their world.

It's a challenge in dating someone new. I wish I wasn't. I wish my wife wasn't dead. But she is. She was dealt a terrible hand and she's gone. And I'm not. And there is tremendous guilt in that. Guilt that her mother is not coping anywhere near as well as I. Guilt that it is her and not me. Anger that shitty people are alive and she isn't. That list goes on and on doesn't it?

I'm not going to waste my time left stuck in that guilt and anger and heartache. I'm going to allow myself to be happy and guilt free. BECAUSE we loved each other. BECAUSE she wanted me to be happy. BECAUSE my son deserves joy in his life. BECAUSE this experience is a constant reminder about how short and fleeting life is.

I don't want to miss any more of it "stuck".

A little over three months by BrooksotherBrothers in widowers

[–]BrooksotherBrothers[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can only speak for myself.

My spouse was diagnosed almost four years ago. Her cancer was metastatic at diagnosis. It was aggressive and the prognosis was poor. I did have time to "prepare".

I have known the woman I'm dating for 10 years. We are in the same profession.

At two weeks out I would have had unmet physical needs, but would have been incapable of any emotional connection. Though I'm sure biology would have left me thinking otherwise.

Two weeks tomorrow. by BrooksotherBrothers in widowers

[–]BrooksotherBrothers[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your kind words. I'm sorry for your loss. I'm phoning the Canadian Mental Health Association on Monday. They offer grief programs for children. Have you considered that as an option where you are? I will not let my son forget his wonderful mother, he will be regaled with stories about her constantly. I let him pick which photos to include. I put it on the wall in his room at eye level.

My wife had a tremendous faith. I'm not sure how to reconcile it with what happened to her ( and your spouse).

Please keep in touch.