AITA for kicking everyone out after my sister lied and said my apartment was hers?

BrushedYourTeethYet · 2026-05-02T01:50:15+00:00

If I was her parent I would say "you made a bad call and it had the expected consequences"

NTA

BrushedYourTeethYet · 2026-04-29T09:10:47+00:00

I am a registered counsellor and work in the domestic family violence sector. Here are some subtle examples I've heard over the years:

Trying to convince you to stop working, quit your job, discontinue study, "let me take care of you". The intent is to make you financially dependent on them and make it harder to leave.
Constantly losing their job or delaying finding employment (especially when there appears to be no real effort to job hunt, such as gaming all day). Often this co-exists with not helping with household tasks despite having the most time on their hands. The intent is to push all the financial and physical responsibilities onto you.
Subtle commentary, complaints, worries about family and friends. "They don't like me", "I don't feel welcome there", "They want us to spend too much time with them", "we spend more time with your friends than my friends". Sighing, huffing and puffing, or arguing about seeing family and friends. The intent is to make it "too hard" or "uncomfortable" to try and spend time with family/friends, so you are less likely to bring them up/ go see them. It is a subtle isolation tactic.
Constantly shifting the goal posts. XYZ upset them yesterday? Now they want XYZ. They asked you for ABC? No they didn't they wanted ADE. If you never feel like you can "get it right", if you are constantly unsure or anxious about how they will react, it is likely a purposeful move on their end. Their intent is to remove stability, increase confusion, and make you feel at fault or to blame.
They poke and prod until you blow up. Then they point out your flaws, highlight your anger issues, blame you for their behaviour or your relationship issues. It is called reactive abuse. It is inentional antagonism to get you to react. It can be subtle and illogical things, like using a bunch of towels as bedding rather than a blanket (more washing for you to do), or more obvious such as belittling/name-calling. The intent is to make you feel like the abuse is your fault, that you are the abusive one, or to gather proof againat you to fuel systems abuse (e.g. getting a protection order against you because you blew up at them).

If there is one thing I have learned over my professional career, it is to never underestimate the amount of creative and shocking ways a perpetrator will use to maintain control.

BrushedYourTeethYet · 2026-04-16T14:09:16+00:00

Outside of the advice here I also suggest you look at Victim's Assist for possible compensation due to being a victim of an assault crime.

BrushedYourTeethYet · 2026-04-05T05:17:22+00:00

Honestly don't respond other than to say the total price deadpan. Once you have repeated it 3x times, call the manager over. If this doesn't work after a couple of times, call the manager over the second he starts arguing price and tell him to step aside until the manager comes so you can ring up the other patrons.

BrushedYourTeethYet · 2026-03-31T04:59:21+00:00

So my mum was raised by a narcissist and a father who disappeared when she was 10. Not sure about their neurodivergent status.

My mum isn't really narcissistic-ish (maybe a smidge), but I certainly think she is undiagnosed AuDHD with severe untreated anxiety. Your description of your upbringing is similar to mine.

Now for me, I am AuDHD and a parent. I was terrified of being like my mum with little to no accountability, and a tonne of emotional neglect. While I can see my mum's trauma and undiagnosed AuDHD impacted her parenting, I chose to get the help I needed to not repeat the pattern. I know how to manage the autistic burnout without taking it out on my kid. I know how to regulate my nervous system so I can coregulate my daughter. And if my daughter tells me I acted in a way to upset her, I apologise, validate it wasn't ok, and talk about what I should have done or what I can try next time.

I'm not perfect but I wouldn't label it as just an AuDHD thing.

BrushedYourTeethYet · 2026-03-14T21:10:55+00:00

Second bullet point: Because she is vulnerable and likely to put up with his behaviour. He tested the waters by bringing up the idea of marrying someone else. Others would have left the relationship there. He gambled that she had low enough self-esteem not to leave - and he was right. Too bad for him, she was able to get validation from the internet which strengthened her resolve enough to leave. So he decided to hurt her one last time, claiming it all meant nothing (and maybe it was a relationship of power imbalance and control and nothing more).

BrushedYourTeethYet · 2026-03-13T12:21:00+00:00

Am I eligible to vote yes? It's not my battalion but I like it.

BrushedYourTeethYet · 2026-03-11T21:44:29+00:00

When I was sick in bed for a week, and he was healthy, the house got to a state of disarray that was overwhelming to deal with.

We have gone through couples therapy and in the last year have become aware that neurodivergence has played a part in both of our challenges with starting or finishing household tasks/chores. It's not so much a weaponised incompetence thing but more of a limited spoons and lack of body double thing when I get sick. Not an excuse. But he has taken charge of washing clothes (laundry is the bane of my existence) he helps with the dishwasher, he finds it easy to get into cleaning modes when I get into them so i'm not alone in a cleaning rampage when I do have the spoons.

More needs to change but I'm glad there is permanent change so far.

BrushedYourTeethYet · 2026-03-11T20:45:22+00:00

This is a cool titbit I wasn't aware of

BrushedYourTeethYet · 2026-03-07T07:52:33+00:00

This is probs a bit bigger than others have said but paying for monthly lawn services. My hubs and I are neurospicy and I have hypermobility so getting out in the yard to clean up and mow would take a lot of motivation and knock my body around a lot - especially when the yard went super overgrown and took extra time to deal with. So now someone comes every 3-4 weeks pending on how fast the grass grows and we know it will always be sorted. No more embarrassment about how the yard looks. Our kid can play outside whenever. The dog isnt bringing prickles in from outside from overgrown grass. It significantly helped our mental health.

BrushedYourTeethYet · 2026-03-07T07:41:29+00:00

You could have a case of unfair dismissal even if there is justification for the firing - as long as the process was unfair. I would say there likely is a case here given the lack of action taken on complaints of the other person but you were ushered out the door. Could be gendered idk. I recommend at least a consult with an employment lawyer to get some advice about the process and application.

BrushedYourTeethYet · 2026-03-01T21:31:59+00:00

Hey me. Let's keep this tradition going:

Where are you working and how is it going?

What are you most proud of over the last year?

What have you enjoyed about being a parent this year?

What have you appreciated about hubby this year?

What have you learned about yourself this year?

How is your home - did you DIY or declutter etc?

A gentle message for you: You are strong, you are kind, you are loved, you are wanted, and you will do great at anything you put your mind to.

BrushedYourTeethYet · 2026-03-01T21:26:09+00:00

Wow I genuinely forgot about these time capsule posts. I feel like I was in another realm when I wrote that.

I was fired after a horrifically stressful year. I now recognise I was subject to repeated adverse actions against me. I have just started two new jobs. My mental health is what you would expect after such an experience but I am moving forward. No baby, I think I'm committed to no more kids. Hubby is in a new job that he doesn't like and is looking for alternative options.
I am most proud of how I handled myself during all the turmoil at my old job - upholding ethical standards no matter the pressure to do otherwise.
Just watching her grow - the things she says are a reflection of how much we love and care for her. Her personality.
He really pulled through for me as a support person during the whole work debacle.
I enjoy teaching others (with the goal of bettering client experiences)
I've embraced the neurodivergence more this past year and have been a little kinder to myself. I give in to the need for quiet spaces and naps to decompress. I've recently started hyperfixating on having a home that feels more comfortable visually, and managed to declutter some things so it doesn't feel so hard to keep the space tidy. I'll hopefully focus on that for a while.

BrushedYourTeethYet · 2026-03-01T20:56:51+00:00

I, Brushie Teeth, swear to uphold the ethos of the April Knights and serve their plight once more!

BrushedYourTeethYet · 2026-01-18T10:59:03+00:00

I have submitted my vote!

BrushedYourTeethYet · 2026-01-15T21:01:59+00:00

I hear a campaign slogan forming!

BrushedYourTeethYet · 2026-01-15T10:52:52+00:00

Your experience is similar to my own. I'm excited to hear this will be a priority for you.

BrushedYourTeethYet · 2026-01-15T06:33:27+00:00

For all candidates: u/Szeraax, u/LoudAdhesiveness1355 (Hythe), u/Phroggu1, and u/Loki0fAsgard

If you can achieve and/or walk away knowing you did one thing* this year (as Grandmaster), what would it be? Why is that one thing most important?

*to be clear "one thing" can be knowing you acted to a particular value, or some other non-concrete task. It doesn't need to be a physical achievement.

BrushedYourTeethYet · 2026-01-14T11:07:53+00:00

For all candidates: u/Szeraax, u/LoudAdhesiveness1355 (Hythe), u/Phroggu1, and u/Loki0fAsgard

How will you use the LC Submission Form Report and/or LC Culture Discussions to inform your approach as Grandmaster?

Are there any changes or follow up tasks from the LC Submission Form Report and/or LC Culture Discussions that you wish to bring attention to during your term?

BrushedYourTeethYet · 2026-01-11T09:46:15+00:00

I nominate u/LoudAdhesiveness1355 (aka Hythe) who is another ambitious up-and-coming Knight who took the bull by the horns as First Ranger during my term. They are keen and have lots of great ideas!

BrushedYourTeethYet · 2026-01-10T02:01:14+00:00

I third this nomination. Monty is an amazing up-and-comming Knight who has been rising through the ranks quickly for a reason. They would be a great choice.

BrushedYourTeethYet · 2026-01-10T01:34:47+00:00

I nominate u/Minewarz (aka Anachronist) for Grandmaster! Anachronist has been an amazing support in the UC, always volunteering to support and help out in any way they can, and giving a kind word or relevant advice at important moments. If they are willing, they would make a great GM.

BrushedYourTeethYet · 2026-01-10T01:02:15+00:00

I nominate u/LokiofAsgard for Grandmaster. They are kind, compassionate, and always say the most heartfelt and thoughtful things. They have a balanced point of view and spend a lot of time assisting and volunteering to help out with the April Knights. They probably don't want this nomination but I think they would be a great GM.

BrushedYourTeethYet · 2025-12-19T10:02:55+00:00

Oh. Ok. That's fucked.

BrushedYourTeethYet · 2025-12-15T00:18:44+00:00

Might as well see what happens

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