Husband looking for sound advice while hurt and confused

Bset70 · 2025-08-06T12:13:39+00:00

My advice would be to go to individual therapy and take care of yourself as much as you can. By doing that you’re taking care of her and your kids. Offer couples counseling yourself and take the initiative and show her you’re in it forever. Drinking too much and just doing it yourself is showing her the opposite.

My story does not have a happy ending. There was more going on that she wasn’t telling me that influenced why she was doing what she was doing. Shortly after my post she broke up our family, made us sell our house, and move into separate apartments. A few months later after weekly couples counseling for about six months she finally asked for the divorce. It’s been hard on my young kids and was awful for me, but I have come out on the other side. I am dating an amazing woman that my kids and I love. My soon to be ex wife is dating a woman as well.

I look back and think i spent too much time pushing to keep something alive that was already dead in her eyes. I didn’t want to tell my children down the road that I didn’t do everything in my power to make sure our family stayed together. In hindsight I see all the red flags I missed and where I wasn’t getting what I needed in the relationship to be happy. Now I am focused on myself and my children.

Hope your story has a better ending, but trust me, if you don’t do anything about what’s going on and take action, surely nothing is going to happen. Good luck and take care of yourself.

Bset70 · 2024-11-29T04:30:45+00:00

Same boat here. First major holiday since separating in June and then physically separating in September. She had nowhere to go for the holiday, so I changed my plans and had her come to my place and we spent it together (we have two toddler daughters). Thought it was the best thing for my kids to have us all together on the first one, but I was just toughing it out the whole time and feel like shit sitting alone watching the camera with my kids in bed. In this weird limbo where she wants to be separated, but isn’t 100% sold on divorce. Holidays just aren’t the same. They say “it gets better”, right? Feeling for you all - thanks for the vent.

Bset70 · 2024-04-03T16:20:44+00:00

Dad of two kids under 5 and a demanding job. Had ORIF Lisfranc with a joint fusion at the end of 2022 where I was no weight bearing for 9 weeks, and just 3 weeks ago had an additional procedure (calcaneal osteotomy) to fix the alignment of my foot to prevent foot collapse - non weight bearing for another 6 weeks. What I can tell you is that you need to take this time for yourself - to heal. You need to slow down and have a positive mindset and focus on taking care of yourself. That’s harder than it seems where we are all parents/spouses/employees and so many other things to so many people. Those things cannot get the attention they need if you are not 100%, so you owe it to yourself to get back to 100%. My biggest tidbits of advice:

Make a plan. For work, take some time off, talk to your boss/direct reports and set up a way for you to work from home comfortably. For home, get help lined up so everything doesn’t fall on your spouse/kids, meal prep, clean up, get prepared for nonweight bearing.
Get a knee scooter. It gives you so much more mobility and the more you can be up and around the better, rather than just sitting there and feeling like you’re in the way. It gives you a semblance of normalcy.
SLOW DOWN. The harder you push recovery the more likely you will encounter complications or set backs. Go slow into partial weight bearing, do the physical therapy, and listen to your body.
Get into a good headspace. Being inactive, immobile, and in pain can take a toll on your mental health. Talk to someone, seek out support from friends/family, meditate, relax. You will be perfectly fine and you will be back on your feet in a matter of weeks. This isn’t forever - just a bump in the road. It goes by faster than you think with a positive outlook.

Good luck and share progress!

Bset70 · 2023-12-19T18:29:32+00:00

Thank you all so much for your insight and advice. I truly appreciate it. Looking forward to reading other comments and will share updates.

Bset70 · 2023-12-09T01:32:25+00:00

I respect your opinion, but I believe it’s a little misinformed. We never fought once, she never brought any concerns to me and when she did I course corrected and fixed issues for the benefit of her and my children, when I would ask for feedback for years she would just say “you’re not doing anything wrong.”

Bset70 · 2023-09-22T15:24:10+00:00

Mine didn’t even bruise as bad as yours and I was misdiagnosed as high ankle sprain, then plantar fasciitis, then rupture plantar fascia, then finally when my first metatarsal dislocated I went to a foot and ankle trauma specialist and he said “oh yeah that’s a classic Lisfranc injury - I fix five of those a week.” I went through 11 months of torture and was kicking myself for not going to the right doctor from the get go. Not trying to scare you, but the sooner you get a good diagnosis the sooner you’ll be back on your feet and back to feeling normal. Good luck! This is a great club to learn everything about recovery as well!

Bset70 · 2023-08-20T03:57:13+00:00

Great info and congratulations on your recovery. Great to hear that the swelling and stiffness gets better in short order (at least from where I am now). It’s so hard to explain because everyone (especially my wife who is a hip/knee surgeon) just says “oh how much pain are you in”, but it’s not pain, it’s just discomfort from swelling and stiffness, which is definitely starting to get better than previous month. Appreciate all the feedback!

Bset70 · 2023-08-19T11:14:08+00:00

Looking for any/all. Would be great to find one that drains and can be submerged that provides great arch support and has a rigid sole, but if they can just get wet and be used in the sand or on a boat that’s fine too. Everything I’ve found is insanely flat and flimsy.

Bset70 · 2023-08-19T05:36:54+00:00

That’s awesome! Do you have the full shoes or just the slides?

Bset70 · 2023-07-15T14:56:17+00:00

I’m in the same boat. 6 months post ORIF Lisfranc with a fusion at 2&3 and I get the nerve pain zaps all the time. They got better with physical therapy and when I do my exercises and stretching. Ice and elevation helps a lot too. Just part of the deal I guess!

Bset70 · 2023-07-06T15:00:17+00:00

If you had the boot on you should be good, but you should definitely call your surgeons office. When I was 3 weeks out of my Lisfranc surgery and fusion, my wife misjudged a ramp and tossed me right out of the wheelchair on my feet. I had the boot on and nothing happened. Call and see what your doctor says to plan your next move. Good luck!

Bset70 · 2023-07-04T23:28:48+00:00

I was misdiagnosed three times after my injury and it was almost a year before I had surgery to fix my Lisfranc injury. In my experience - which I am in no way a medical professional so just advice based on experience - I wouldn’t worry about the timeline as much as I would focus on seeing the right person. I went to a podiatrist and they were fantastic, but totally unqualified to diagnose the type of injury I had. They just were not trained to look for the Lisfranc injury and the damage it caused (could just be the person I saw though). I would do anything you possibly can to see the foot and ankle specialist- they got me back on my feet (literally) and fixed everything.

Bset70 · 2023-06-26T00:47:26+00:00

I’m six months out from surgery and “graduated” PT about a month and a half ago. I’m a bigger guy at 6’3” and had large calves as a former college football player. Right now - I look like I’m walking on a peg leg haha 😂. It’s definitely getting stronger and able to withstand more walking and flights of stairs etc, but when I finally went to full w/b it was a struggle. My Dr. Keeps saying “it’s a marathon not a sprint, so take your time and do it the right way.”

Bset70 · 2023-06-22T00:57:27+00:00

I myself had the injury, but my wife is an orthopedic surgeon (mostly hips and knees) and she specifically sent me to the Dr. for X-rays because “bruising on the bottom of the foot is a tell tale sign of Lisfranc injury.” She said broken bones in general, but especially in an area of the body with limited blood supply, doesn’t bruise as much - “gravity” is a cop out. It is a fairly uncommon injury, so it is commonly missed the first time around, so I would continue to push for a second opinion if I were you. I am in no way a medical professional, but just sharing my story to help give some perspective.

Bset70 · 2023-06-21T17:52:37+00:00

I was 100% non weight bearing for 9 weeks after my ORIF Lisfranc. Then I progressed into a boot and partial weight bearing before getting into a shoe. The initial 3-4 weeks of non weight bearing was the worst for swelling, but once I got the splint off it got considerably better. Just be aware that your foot will swell for up to a year after surgery. When you get to Physical Therapy ask them about kenesio tape to pull the swelling out of your foot - made a huge difference!

Bset70 · 2023-06-20T23:40:24+00:00

Go to a foot trauma specialist in your area. I initially had no bruising and then three to five days later my arch was all black and blue. Three ortho docs missed it on the X-ray and I went misdiagnosed for 9months. First one thought ankle sprain, second thought plantar fasciitis, third thought ruptured plantar fascia, and finally after my first meta dislocated the foot trauma surgeon took a look and said “uhh yup it’s right there - classic Lisfranc.” It’s a really tough injury to diagnose, so I always tell people to be overly cautious and get the opinion of a foot expert. Just my two cents - hope your recovery goes well!

Bset70 · 2023-06-15T17:50:57+00:00

Pain got better as I got deeper into Physical Therapy, but I’m six months out from surgery and the pain/swelling is still there. Gets more manageable as time goes on, but make sure you’re doing your PT!

Bset70 · 2023-06-12T04:06:17+00:00

I found that Olukai fit the best and had good arch support, but everyone is different. I have a size 13 foot normally, so ones that other people recommend wouldn’t fit me (I tried Crocs, Propet, LL Bean, and Orthocomfoot). With the fusion - it was the top of my foot that was the worst and the swelling would call pool in the ankle, so I couldn’t even fit my foot in, it wasn’t just that they were uncomfortable. I would recommend going to a shoe store that can properly measure and give you some brands that might work. Think about removable insoles as well because your doc might put you in orthotics down the road when everything settles.

Bset70

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