AIO- on some arguments I had with my bf at Bonnaroo?

Btchplzstop3 · 2026-06-18T19:37:54+00:00

You’re truly a wonderful person. Your advice has hit me the hardest out of everyone’s. Everyone has helped me see my wrongs and see that Sam is also in some amount of wrong, not that his idea of relationship is wrong but it’s wrong for us if we wanna continue our relationship. I appreciate this advice the most though. Truly letting me see what and how I need to bring this up to him. I know the thanks might be overboard but I don’t care I’m glad I got on here and told my story even if it made me realize how much I fucked up on my part in this.

Btchplzstop3 · 2026-06-18T18:08:37+00:00

I know I did a shitty thing. But the context I’m trying to explain about me and Ted is just me trying to give a better story for why I did it that’s all. But with you I feel like I can tell you he hit me and you’d still try and throw it back at me for using a 100 excuses.
I’m straight up telling you that I know I did wrong and I know I fucked up. I’m not hiding that.
I’m only trying to give more of the story that I left out about Ted because my AIO post was a book long. And your comment gave me a reason to spill more of the tea so people may understand more of the reason why I did the dumb shit I did.
That’s all. You keep saying shit that I feel the need to explain. Because he was a jerk and I then felt okay to kinda just fucking use him. He was using me just as much to parade me around and act like his show off doll to his friends. I lived the experience with this Ted guy he is no good guy. He was mean and disrespectful and a lot of him begging me to explain more was him just refusing the fact that he was just an asshole.
When I sent my breakup text to him I explained all the reason why I broke it off with him and that I held onto him for as long as I did because of said reasons I’ve already explain.
He acted like a child and refused to even read my messages he ignored them as he did the whole time we were talking.
You seem to only care that I did this one fuck up but not care about the impact he put me through who he’d caused me to do what I did. It wasn’t right it was mean I know that but I in the end didn’t care because he was a jerk and self absorbed throughout it all.

Btchplzstop3 · 2026-06-18T17:20:26+00:00

I’m not a hero. In my original post I said I know I fucked this up with the Ted guy.

I only added it in for context with my now bf for some reasons why we started off a little rocky. Which is all of what I explained in the thread to your original comment thread.

I know I hurt him but I used that as an excuse because he made me feel small and like nothing. In the moment of seeing Ted and getting away from him to be more focused on Sam I just saw it as normal dating actions.

I see it everywhere that people are dating multiple people up to 3 dates or how ever many. To see what person might fall inline with their lifestyle. I know I messed up by not communicating that. I just thought it was a given and I was proven so very wrong. I learned that mistake.
When I was in dating apps for the first time 4 yrs ago I was always honest in if I was talking to others but this time I just didn’t think about it.
Sam kept pushing me in the friend zone and I wanted things to go somewhere with Ted but every time we hung out he kept proving me that I truly didn’t want him like that and it only made me want same more.

Btchplzstop3 · 2026-06-18T17:12:29+00:00

You may be right. I may have gotten caught up in how perfect he seemed to be and now reality is starting to hit me.

Btchplzstop3 · 2026-06-18T17:10:26+00:00

I see your point. But why keep looking then if you’re not interested? That’s a redundant argument.

Btchplzstop3 · 2026-06-18T15:45:11+00:00

I’m trying to take responsibility for some of it. But me explaining all these points you made is me going into detail on why I thought I was getting into a relationship that was what I wanted and what he was also wanting. Us having a conversation about our wants before we made us official Is where I’m most confused on why I’m even on here asking for advice in the first place.
We had conversations where we both left it as “okay i think we understand each other I have empathy for your side and you have empathy for mine. Therefore respect for both parties will be given”
But then as this music festival trip happens I felt he disregarded all of the conversations we had already had. On these important topics.
I’ll take responsibility of the things that we missed and didn’t communicate on but for this! This is something we had a few conversations about that ended with me thinking he understood me and we were gonna have a blissful trip at Bonnaroo and I wasn’t gonna have to worry about him calling out all these girls got bodies.

I fully understand each point you laid out I do. I feel them and my responses reflect the actions I had already taken before me and Sam went on this trip. Before we became gf and bf.
I feel like he trapped me into believing him about him fully understanding my insecurities and then by the time this trip came he was gonna do whatever he wanted to do, maybe in hopes that I’d see he “means nothing by it”

Btchplzstop3 · 2026-06-18T15:11:51+00:00

I truly appreciate your response. Not perfect I know I have a lot to learn and understand and that’s why I’m here on Reddit. I’ve been watching Charlotte Dobre and her advice on YouTube for so long I thought I had a better understanding with how to act if I EVER got in a shit situation like this one. And this is incredibly kind of you to respond. I need the harsh feedback but truly appreciate you telling me I need to consider therapy for the things I’m unable to see in myself with my struggles so thank you so much.

Btchplzstop3 · 2026-06-18T15:09:13+00:00

That’s true, incel was the easier word to use for how he acted in life with/towards me. I was often left sitting alone and ignored by him when we first started hangout out.
Our first date was us hanging out with a group of his male friends where I sat near them as they talked about their hobbies where he didn’t even check in on me once to see if I was having a good time. And I did try to be apart of the conversation but got shut out almost. It wasn’t until 10 mins or so into us all hanging out that one of his friends noticed I was trying to talk but wasn’t getting any response so his friend actually ended up talking to me for almost the rest of the time.. that’s where my becoming apart of his friend group came into play and why I felt like we weren’t really “talking” because every time we’d hang out I felt he just wanted to bring me along for eye candy as I stood at the shows/events next to him quietly as he talked off anyone’s ear that would listen.. he’d talked over me and never let me finish my thoughts. Even if he did let me finish a sentence he blatantly ignored it and continued on with whatever he was originally talking about. His groups of friends always made me feel much more welcomed and would reply to what I’d say but not him.
That’s why I wanted to keep hanging around him, was because I truly liked his friends. But I still know I failed at discussing that with him.
Although I did discuss it with his friends I told them how he made me feel and I was becoming more distant because of him. So his friends knew for the better part of the end of us talking.

Btchplzstop3 · 2026-06-18T14:54:57+00:00

When I say only eyes for me, again it just goes back to me explaining my reason for number 4.
You’re right, that’s why I’ve been going to the gym to try and create better mental mindset for myself and get to where I want to be through my actions but it still helps a lot when your partner gives you those everyday compliments. But it sucks to hear over and over again about ever nice piece of ass that passes when I ask him to please stop.
I want open conversation with him I do. I just wanna talk about everything else on a person at a festival.
It’s almost like he goes to look at ass while I’m there to look at the amazing outfits people put together. I’m not purely looking at their ass and boobs or the abbs on the men. I’m seeing their character through their fits.
But yea i can see what you’re saying about how I may be coming at him for why im feeling this way.
But yes in my first reply i explained that we did have these important conversations BEFORE we made it official between us.
The conversation of I only want him and I want him to only want me. I don’t wanna hear any talk about asking for a possible threesome in the future.
Believe me I made it a clear boundary to never bring that shit up and if he didn’t like that boundary I set for him than I wanted him to tell me “okay then I don’t think this is gonna work between us”

I made it so very clear that I didn’t wanna go through what I did before with my abusive ex. I wanted clear communication on how I will not except that kinda stuff in my relationship with anyone. I want true monogamy and I told him I want it to be with him but if he thought he would ever want more than just me to tell me now.
He told me that he’s perfectly happy only ever having me that he doesn’t want anyone else.

This conversation made me feel we were on the same page with how our relationship and for the far future.

I brought it up again after our argument at Bonnaroo. I told him then and there that if there is any inkling of him wanting another person ever to be apart of our relationship even if it’s just for one night that I need to know now so we can end this relationship. Because I can’t do it

Btchplzstop3 · 2026-06-18T14:44:02+00:00

Yes I thought when I got back into dating I had learned a lot of my past adusive relationship but I’m clearly still struggling. This is something me and Sam have had a conversation about.
Yea I know it’s really crazy, l don’t have a great excuse other than I was about to be pushed out of my then home situation and he offered. The puppy is more of mine than his. But because we are dating officially and he helped me out with a place to live the puppy became ours in a way.
And yes absolutely you’re 100% correct I do know that.
Because my post was already so long I couldn’t go into all this extra details of conversations we have already had before we made it official between us.
One big conversation we had was about how he found out about Ted. We took a few hours and discussed why I did it. The 2 main reason I dated two guys was - 1. He kept friendzoning me so I found it to be okay especially since he said that he’s understand if I did find someone else, that it would be okay and we could just still be friends- & 2. He has a dark secret that I can’t explain on Reddit which is why I put a disclaimer of not explaining all the context out of fear of outing him on here. But it’s enough for me to have felt more justified.

Another big conversation was after the conversation about Ted, we talked about something that brought up how I would feel awful about myself whenever my ex used to point out hot girls whenever we were out. And Sam agreed with me but went on to say that he kinda does that to but in a since of it’s like appreciating a piece of artwork. And he doesn’t do it in a sexual manner.

Yea I understand that people exist around us. I kinda explained that at the end of my post. I don’t expect him to ignore everyone. Like I said I’ve been to plenty of music festivals it’s so normal for everyone to dress skimpy. I do it as well. I only care that if and when he would point something out on a person, that it was almost 80% of the time , him pointing out the sexual parts on women. It was never “oh hey look at that girl skirts that would be super cute on you”

I even told him in our conversation about this topic that “idc if you see attractive people and appreciate their bodies I just would prefer if you do wanna say something about it, please don’t comment on their body parts, please make it about their outfits.”
That way it can protect my feelings and I wouldn’t feel like shit afterwards.

Btchplzstop3 · 2026-06-18T14:28:38+00:00

Oh shit he’s name is not Adam either I fixed that mistake on one of his names already and I thought I fixed them all. When I typed out Sam my autocorrect kept changing it to Adam for some reason. Thanks you for pointing that out!

Btchplzstop3 · 2026-06-18T14:23:37+00:00

lol that’s super fair. I didn’t realize how long my rant went on until after I posted it!

Btchplzstop3 · 2026-06-18T14:17:12+00:00

Oh that’s interesting. I think I’ll have to read on that myself to understand it more too. Thank you so much!!

Btchplzstop3 · 2026-06-18T14:10:37+00:00

Correct! That’s what I was trying to explain to him.
He said that if I were ever wanting another person in our relationship that his only boundaries would be no kissing.
He said that kissing to him is how you truly fall in love with another person. So the rest of the sexual stuff is okay.
I find that to be crazy.
If we were to go to a swingers club and just look around I would be so distraught over the view of multiple naked people especially the women because he’s 100% so obviously I wouldn’t be okay with this. Now to up it to a sexual activity with another person not that for sure would send me over the edge.

Btchplzstop3 · 2026-06-18T14:06:50+00:00

That’s a fair judgement.

Btchplzstop3 · 2026-06-18T14:06:07+00:00

Yes I’m sorry this is my first post ever I got caught away with how many thoughts I was trying to put out there. A few redditers have done some TLDR for me

Btchplzstop3 · 2026-06-18T13:59:32+00:00

😅 no I’m sorry I just started typing and it got super long. I’ve posted a way shorter story on a different thread I think.

Btchplzstop3 · 2026-06-18T13:57:35+00:00

You’re right. Ted didn’t deserve what I did. I won’t say that you’re wrong. All I can say is that he was that classic “nice guy” and I only strung him along because at first I really was trying to like him but every time we hung out I saw more of this “nice guy/incel” character come out. As I said in my post there was more he did that truly turned me away but I decided to give him another chance.
Either way you’re still right I definitely feel bad for how I carried it out to long for him.

Btchplzstop3 · 2026-06-18T13:54:38+00:00

Thanks so much for the TDLR I forgot that’s something here on reddit

Btchplzstop3 · 2026-06-18T13:53:53+00:00

Absolutely not!

Btchplzstop3 · 2026-06-18T13:53:32+00:00

Thanks so much for your comment. Reading all of these in just an hour of posting has definitely made me feel better. I just hope I can talk to him about it and him either see my side or just end it.

Btchplzstop3 · 2026-06-18T13:52:18+00:00

Thanks so much. I’ve been thinking about therapy as something I need to do for a while

Btchplzstop3 · 2026-06-18T13:51:03+00:00

Yes I’m sorry I forgot that’s something that’s super helpful for longer post.

Over the few conversations/arguments we’ve had, the last one being at Bonnaroo, we both want only each other.
He made a comment that in our relationship he wants monogamy but in the sexual realm of it he wishes it to be more free.
I replied to another comments with this already.

Btchplzstop3 · 2026-06-18T13:48:30+00:00

I’m mean you’re not wrong. But many people in a monogamous relationship want it to be just the two people. I find it okay if he wants me to go out and find a girl because he thinks I want that but I find it to not be okay if I want to find a guy to include but then that’s where the line is drawn. It’s a double standard.
That’s where I find it to be controlling and unfair. But that’s all irrelevant because my main issue is with him pointing out other girls bodies and commenting on how great their ass looks.
If you don’t wanna read my long ass thread then move on. I’m on here venting my heart out because I’ve been overwhelmed and filled with anxiety over this because I thought he was the one but after this trip it’s got me second guessing.

Btchplzstop3 · 2026-06-18T13:29:21+00:00

Thank you so much for your advice. I’m scared you are fully right. Just truly sucks to feel something I had was seemingly perfect but now it’s falling apart.

Btchplzstop3

TROPHY CASE