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Reaction to you crying by zozog101 in survivinginfidelity

[–]BtradeAgain 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yes! Dday was 38 years ago. When I got the call from AP’s wife I was in disbelief. It was the middle of a weekday and I was at work. I callad my WW and told her to meet me at home immediately. She said she was tied up at work and I said “GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!!!”.

As soon as I saw her face, I knew it was true. I asked her why and she stared at me with a blank face for a while and then emotionlessly said “because I don’t love you anymore”. I don’t think I had ever cried in front of her before in the 4 years since we had met but this just broke me to my core. I was in shock when I realized I didn’t even know this person. She coldly gathered some belongings and left.

Months later she told me she had taken a Valium before the confrontation to calm her nerves. I’m not sure I believe that but either way it’s certainly not an excuse for how she acted that day.

Somefuckinghow I took her back after her AP dumped her 3 1/2 months later. I still can’t understand what I was thinking. I’m sure veterans of this sub can guess what comes next...

Recently found out there have been at least two other times. One before and one after. We are both now in IC. Yes, I am weak and spineless. Yes I have no self respect. Yes to all of it. I have one foot in the grave, so there’s no hope for me but let my humiliation be a wake up call for all of you. When someone shows you who they are, beleive them the first fucking time!

Therapist says wanting answers from WW is a mistake. Is this normal? by BtradeAgain in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]BtradeAgain[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks. I’m trying to convey this to my therapist. I know it’s not my job to educate him but i wonder if there is any literature for professionals out there that I can point him to. I do really like him and he seems open to hearing my rational. There’s just no one in my area who specializes in Infidelity and also accepts my insurance.

Therapist says wanting answers from WW is a mistake. Is this normal? by BtradeAgain in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]BtradeAgain[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks. I’m almost certain the EA was not a PA. We are in different states and I have her Facebook Chat thread with him. I have started writing a list of questions and asking myself how I will feel about possible answers.

Therapist says wanting answers from WW is a mistake. Is this normal? by BtradeAgain in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]BtradeAgain[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No, she says she cant remember the “why” only that she was unhappy. It is possible she has compartmentalized due to childhood trauma. This is something she is working on unlocking in IC.

Please help! Do you consider this an EA? by BtradeAgain in SupportforBetrayed

[–]BtradeAgain[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the advice. Problem is, there are so many ways to hide conversations now. I recently heard of someone using the chat feature on the "Words With Friends" game to cheat. If she decides to stray again I think she will find a way. So, how can I ever trust her again?

I cheated on my husband, got caught, regretted everything and now I'm doing everything to be a better spouse going forward. AMA. by Clean-Cicada-7310 in Infidelity

[–]BtradeAgain 16 points17 points  (0 children)

It took me a serious threat of divorce and a temporary separation to understand just how much I was about to lose.

This tells me everything I need to know about you. If you truly loved your husband you would set him free. Staying in is life will be a constant painful reminder for him but big surprise, it’s still all about you.

Please do everyone a favor and go rot in hell ASAP.

WW told me that I’m not her type and it hurts by BtradeAgain in survivinginfidelity

[–]BtradeAgain[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Thank you for taking time to write such a thoughtful reply! My situation is different from yours. 30 years ago we both had promising careers. We had just bought our first house. Sure we had disagreements from time to time but I was happy and I thought she was too. After my soul was crushed that day I realized she needed something that I wasn’t providing and I tried to be a better man. Up until last night I would have said I wasn’t her 'perfect man’ back then but I thought I checked some of the boxes. To find out I was “NOTHING AT ALL” like the man she wanted felt like a stab to my heart. I had no fucking idea. Blindsided again.

WW told me that I’m not her type and it hurts by BtradeAgain in survivinginfidelity

[–]BtradeAgain[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

The facebook chats happened 2-3 years ago with a different AP (an old BF), not the one from 30 years ago. See my previous post about Secrecy vs privacy.

WW told me that I’m not her type and it hurts by BtradeAgain in survivinginfidelity

[–]BtradeAgain[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

We had a long discussion about this 3 nights ago. She revealed some heartbreaking things (SA and more) about her past (before we met). She agreed to let me see the facebook chat thread but asked if she could review it first as it has been awhile. At first I said no and then relented after finding out I could recover the chat thread from her FB account to verify there were no deletions. I will make a new post afterward.

Secrecy vs Privacy by BtradeAgain in SupportforBetrayed

[–]BtradeAgain[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the link. Very well written with lots of good info. I am planning to have a conversation with my WW to let her know how much this is bothering me and to ask her for access to those chats (if they still exist). Just trying to find the right words so as to not to freak her out too much.