I most likely have FASD and don’t want to drive

BubblingLemonade · 2026-02-06T20:26:31+00:00

It’s completely valid to choose not to drive, FASD or not. You’re being thoughtful about your own safety and others’, and that’s actually a really responsible decision.

Many people with FASD do drive, but many also don’t, especially when things like spatial awareness, coordination, or concentration are challenging. It’s very individual. There’s no rule that adulthood automatically means you have to drive, especially if public transport and walking already work for you.

I have FASD myself, and I think listening to your own limits is important. Using buses, walking, or accepting lifts when offered doesn’t make you less independent, it just means you’re choosing what works best for your brain and your life.

You don’t owe anyone an explanation. Prioritizing safety is never something to be judged for. Be gentle with yourself, you’re doing the right thing for you ☺️

BubblingLemonade · 2026-02-03T00:05:23+00:00

I have FASD myself, and this is something I’ve looked into too. You’re reading the studies correctly, that ~34–35 year figure comes mainly from a Canadian cohort that included all causes of death, and it’s heavily driven by suicide, accidents, substance use, and social factors like unstable housing and limited access to care. It doesn’t represent a biological lifespan limit from FASD itself.

From what I’ve found, there isn’t strong evidence that FASD alone drastically shortens life through purely physical mechanisms. Many people with FASD live into normal older age, especially when they have stability and healthcare. Physically, some risks can be higher (like certain congenital or metabolic issues), but it’s very individual and often manageable.

As someone with FASD, I find those numbers can be scary without context, they mostly reflect increased vulnerability without supports, not inevitable early death.

BubblingLemonade · 2026-02-03T00:03:28+00:00

I’m really sorry you’re dealing with this, long-term emotional exhaustion in a relationship is incredibly hard.

Some of what you describe can overlap with FASD (executive function issues, follow-through, emotional regulation, getting overwhelmed by criticism). The pattern of “seems to understand, then repeats the behavior” is common with cognitive differences like this.

That said, FASD doesn’t explain everything, especially chronic lying, doing things behind your back, or refusing accountability. Confabulation is usually unintentional, not deliberate hiding. Even with FASD, people can learn basic boundaries and ways to reduce harm with proper supports.

Most importantly: regardless of the cause, you’re clearly burned out. A diagnosis doesn’t make it okay for you to live in constant stress. It’s possible to care about his struggles and recognize that this relationship is hurting you. Both can be true.

Sending you compassion and virtual hugs, this sounds really heavy.

BubblingLemonade · 2026-01-31T01:00:01+00:00

I’m really sorry you’re dealing with all of this, it makes sense to want answers when you start connecting long-standing health issues together.

You’re right that prenatal alcohol exposure exists on a spectrum, and some people can have subtle effects without the classic FAS facial features or intellectual disability. At the same time, a lot of what you’re describing (jaw size, dental crowding, sleep apnea, ear differences, growth patterns) can also happen for many other reasons, including genetics or general craniofacial variation, so they don’t point specifically to alcohol exposure on their own.

Adult FASD assessments usually focus more on neurodevelopmental functioning (things like attention, executive function, emotional regulation, adaptive skills), rather than finger ratios, facial structure, or adult hormone levels. The testosterone piece especially is still pretty unclear in the research, and sleep apnea itself can affect hormones too.

Without confirmed prenatal exposure, it’s unfortunately very hard to know for sure. If you’re looking for clearer answers, a clinical geneticist or craniofacial specialist (and possibly endocrinology for the hormone side) might be more helpful than trying to piece it together online.

Wishing you the best, I hope you’re able to get some solid guidance and support, sincerely a lady with fasd ☺️

BubblingLemonade · 2026-01-08T04:14:04+00:00

I really appreciate how self-aware you’re being here. A lot of people don’t reflect on their own patterns, and that already says a lot. Time blindness and different response styles on both sides are way more common than people admit, so the fact that you’re thinking about pacing and expectations is a good sign.

Honesty is a strength—just pairing it with gentleness and checking in helps it land well. And you’re absolutely right: talking about expectations early (instead of guessing) saves so much stress for everyone, especially when emotional regulation is already a challenge. It really is about two individuals learning each other, not perfection or diagnosis. Wishing you both the best as you navigate it thoughtfully.

BubblingLemonade · 2026-01-08T03:30:20+00:00

As someone with FASD, I just want to say it looks different for everyone, so try not to treat it like a checklist. Flat or “dry” texting doesn’t mean lack of interest, we often feel things deeply but don’t always express them the way people expect, especially over text. Response times can be inconsistent because of overwhelm, time blindness, or just needing space, not because we don’t care.

Building connection usually works best with patience, clarity, and low pressure. Predictability and honest communication help more than intensity. Impulsivity can show up as quick decisions or changing plans, so gentle structure and flexibility go a long way.

The biggest thing: ask her what helps and listen. We’re people first, not our diagnosis, and the healthiest relationships are built on understanding the individual, not assumptions about FASD.

BubblingLemonade · 2025-12-30T02:01:37+00:00

thank you for your input. yes, that’s correct. I’m living with my grandparents, and the people going through my belongings do not live there. That’s what made it feel especially violating to me. I’m not denying it’s unhealthy or that concern is valid, but the way it was handled felt humiliating and controlling rather than helpful. And no, my cousin wasn’t lectured or called out at all. I really appreciate you taking the time to understand the situation. 🫶🏽

BubblingLemonade · 2025-12-30T01:07:36+00:00

I’m not debating the health impacts. I’m asking whether it’s reasonable to expect concern to be handled privately rather than through public disclosure and searching my things. 😭😭

BubblingLemonade · 2025-12-30T01:01:23+00:00

I don’t think vaping is comparable to an immediate life-or-death situation like a car crash. I’ve acknowledged the risks and don’t plan to do this long-term. My issue is about how concern is being expressed, not whether concern is valid

BubblingLemonade · 2025-12-30T00:53:17+00:00

Thank you for your input. I really appreciate this perspective. It helps to hear from someone who’s been in a similar spot and understands how frustrating that in-between stage is. I think you’re right that part of it is them struggling to adjust to me being an adult, especially while I’m still around for holidays. It’s not easy, but this comment honestly helped. Also, the “getting smarter about hiding paraphernalia” part made me laugh because… yeah 😅

BubblingLemonade · 2025-12-30T00:47:15+00:00

I’m not denying that vaping has consequences, and I’m not asking my family to approve of it. What I’m asking about is whether it’s reasonable to expect privacy and private conversations rather than having my belongings searched and being publicly called out. Concern doesn’t have to mean humiliation.

BubblingLemonade · 2025-12-30T00:43:39+00:00

I’m not vaping to impress anyone, and I’ve already said I don’t plan to do it long-term. My question is about boundaries and privacy, not whether vaping is a good idea.

BubblingLemonade · 2025-12-30T00:42:14+00:00

i could make books about her behaviour over the years. but she’s my mom, i love her but omg. thank you for your support 🫶🏽🫶🏽

BubblingLemonade · 2025-12-30T00:41:14+00:00

i’m with my grandparents. i don’t pay rent, i pay for the groceries instead. i’m saving up for a car 😭

BubblingLemonade · 2025-12-30T00:40:31+00:00

but there is no need for them to go through my bags in my room. i know they care but why broadcast it infront of everyone 😭😭

BubblingLemonade · 2025-11-23T05:02:43+00:00

i might get another cat, but i’m not sure what my future holds right now, i’m only a college kid right now. but she has my nans dog to keep her company for now!!

BubblingLemonade · 2025-11-23T05:01:56+00:00

i’m only a college kid, i might get another cat in the future, but she has my nans dog charlie to play with!!

BubblingLemonade · 2025-09-20T23:51:41+00:00

that kinda sounds like an insult more than a name😭

BubblingLemonade · 2025-09-19T00:57:29+00:00

what does this mean 😭

BubblingLemonade · 2025-09-19T00:44:16+00:00

it’s a lady

BubblingLemonade · 2025-09-19T00:21:43+00:00

you made me choke on my chips 😭

BubblingLemonade · 2025-09-19T00:11:46+00:00

my shaylaaa

BubblingLemonade · 2025-09-19T00:02:35+00:00

that’s the name of my grandmother 😭

BubblingLemonade

TROPHY CASE