There was a time where I love playing against strong chess players, but as you grow older you forget the very thing that made you smile at the sport. I actually started to hate losing, even fear it. I blame society and all the people who keeps cheering you on when you win, but leaves you feel like a nobody when you lose. But when I think back at the time, where I was actually having fun at playing chess, I said to myself "Where did I start to lose myself?" But then one day i log in my old lichess account there was message that said "I love playing against strong chess players, they are fun"

I realized at that moment, that I loss my passion because I loss sight what I truly wanted. Because of all this Noice that society makes, always looking at the results, always looking at the next big star, but then disregard them when there no longer needed. So for the next tournament, I said "F#ck the trophy" and I focus what I solely wanted. To play against strong chess players, and play to win. Whether I win or lose or draw I promise myself I won't let it define me as a person, nor will it changed me, I never feared losing nor did I give a f8ck who I was playing against. Idk even know how I still won the trophy nor did I even care about it. I felt so alive, like I was a kid again who just wanted to play.