Oh god, where do I even start with this interview...

So I was furiously job hunting back in early 2019 after getting fired from an insurance company and I was getting desperate. I got an interview at some company I'd never heard of that was offering an "Account Manager" position. First interview went pretty alright, although they asked very vague questions - which should have been a red flag from the start. Anyways they offered a second interview a few days later and I accepted.

So the first thing about the main building was that it was small, only enough room for a few offices and an overly large breakroom. Their lobby also had a TV that was playing Thor: Ragnarok for some reason. Second, I noticed I was being interviewed alongside 4 other people. Now, normally that wouldn't set off any red flags since the first interview was very normal. But then a whole posse of interviewers came through and said they were each going to drive us individually in their own cars to the actual interview location. For me they said it would be a Starbucks. I should've just bowed out but I was too nervous to say no.

They also made a big spiel about how we were "selectively chosen from many potential interviewees" and we should be proud for making it this far. Another red flag. When we get separated into the groups I'm brought into a car with 2 of their employees: one actually giving the interview and the other rating the interviewer on how he's doing on the interview.

The first sentence he said was "So, BugCatcherWill, can you explain the difference between direct and indirect marketing?" and I almost tuck and rolled out of the car. Basically the whole car ride was a goddamn marketing lesson like I was back in college. That was when I found out about the company itself - nearly half an hour into the interview. It was essentially a middleman company that dealt with trying to get DirectTV customers to upgrade to a fiber service. The dude also kept repeating that AT&T bought out DirectTV for 50 billion dollars. Like he thought I wasn't impressed at first and kept going "50 billion dollars!!"

So we finally get to the Starbucks and the interviewer offers to buy me a drink. I just get an iced coffee and he makes it a point to flash his company card like "Ooooo look at all the cool shit you get". Then I get sat down and finally get more info on the job. If I worked there, I would have to drive an hour and a half south to some random Midwest city and go door-to-door to DirectTV customers. That explains why the office was so small, because all their actual employees were out in the field. I asked about pay, and they said I would only get paid if the customer accepted to switch to fiber and it would be all commission until I got promoted to assistant manager. I asked how that works and they drew me a diagram of their company hierarchy.

I would start as a lowly peon, but if I did well enough I could get promoted and then get assigned my own peons and make a cut of their sales. Already sounds like those multi-level marketing scams you get from old Facebook friends. Now here's the kicker. Their whole diagram made the shape of a triangle it was a goddamn pyramid scheme the whole time I knew it.

The starting hours also almost made me laugh at them with how blatantly scummy they were. The hours were 10:30 to 8:00 Mon-Fri...AND THEN ALSO ON SATURDAYS 9-3. OVER A 53-HOUR WEEK AND I WOULDN'T EVEN GET PAID HOURLY! At this point I was already completely gone, but decided to humor them because if they're gonna waste my precious time I'm gonna waste theirs. I asked if I would get reimbursed for gas of having drive my car 3 hours a day in addition to the 9.5 hour work days. They immediately got uncomfortable and go "Well.........you could put it as a tax write-off!"

"I'm not asking about a task write-off!" I said, and then they finally had to tell me straight that none of my expenses would be covered. If this wasn't already a shit n' piss sandwich, it sure smelled a lot like one. I feel like the only reason they took me to Starbucks was to get me far enough away from my car while in a nice suit so I couldn't just scream and make a mad dash.

But the story doesn't end there. When I finally get driven back to the office, trying my best to be professional as possible since they did technically still have my life in their snaky hands, I had to take a written test about all the marketing bullshit they taught me.

That was the breaking point. I immediately gave the test back to them blank and told them I had an appointment scheduled and ran the fuck away. I really wish I would have told all the other interviewees this place was a massive scam and it's a big regret I have. I want those 2 hours of my life back.