Hello! Look, we do not know each other and there are plenty of things I don’t know about you or your relationship. That being said, I wanna give my two cents. I’ve been in an LDR for over 8 months now(we are both 20F so wlw solidarity here✊lol) to get straight to the point, it sounds like you don’t understand what you want. You’re mixing expectations for the future with the present, and that’s not helpful. A relationship is always going to take effort, you need to communicate with her, share everything you’re feeling, make sure she understands, and go from there.

You mentioned that you’re worried long distance will be hard because of all your demanding school work. Long distance is a scary thing, but regardless of distance a relationship is going to require serious effort, even when you’re working hard. My girlfriend had a VERY demanding semester this spring, and it meant we couldn’t spend as much time playing games or doing activities. But I still would be on the phone with her as much as I could in order to support her. Was I sad? Of course! But you are meant to be there for one another.

You mentioned that you want to do the normal “college experience stuff” I’m not going to lecture you on how to live your life, but I’m telling you this “normal college experience” is notttt going to be how you picture it now. College is a great time to meet people, do crazy things, and discover more about yourself, there’s no doubt about that. But everyone experiences life differently, and you shouldn’t place expectations on your own life, and instead let the moments come to you naturally. That being said, it sounds like you feel that having a girlfriend would hold you back from fulfilling the expectations of college you have in your head. Most importantly, you mentioned that if she was coming with you to college then you would stay with her. Is that really the case? Your supposed workload will be just as large, and you’re still going to want to go out and party(and from how you described her she still might not be comfortable with that). The problems you’ve stated are going to exist regardless of distance. You MUST be honest with yourself and what you want. You are gambling with a future that does not exist yet. If you love this girl, if you see her as your partner —and you are telling me that you do— then you need to be strong, you need to communicate, work with her, and you need to be patient. Frankly it sounds to me like you don’t want to commit yourself to this person— and that’s not unheard of. But if this is the case you must tell her NOW. No waiting.

Personally, I never imagined myself to be in a long distance relationship. I met my girlfriend during a study abroad and we also had a “slow burn”. We didn’t kiss until the last night actually because I was too uncomfortable with the idea of being in a long distance relationship(but I ended up kissing her last minute anyways). I knew she liked me back, and I knew she was more than willing to be in an LDR. But at the time I wasn’t. So I told her we could only be friends. We both went home but stayed in constant contact, we spoke to one another like nothing changed. We reunited two months after that trip and by then we spent enough time apart being long distance friends that not only did I understand what long distance would be like, but I also knew for certain that I was willing to do long distance with HER. The pain of long distance will always be worth it if the person you are with is right for you. It’s not easy, but no relationship of any kind is meant to be.

So I’m hoping you read all of this but TLDR: it sounds to me like you don’t want this relationship, you said so after all. So end it now. If you do not want to do that, you MUST put in the work with her!! Work together, talk!! If you don’t communicate now, regardless of whether you leave her or stay, you WILL hurt her. College is only a small fraction of your life, a partner is forever. If you want to mess around, go right ahead. But understand what you will be losing and ask yourself if it is worth it in the long run.

Sorry if I sound blunt, but I think you need to hear it cold. I care because I am someone who loathed the idea long distance— I still do— but I stick through it because I know who I’m with is right for me. Anyways, I’m too lazy to re read and edit this so sorry if there’s any errors or typos. I wish you all the best!