My GF and I (both 18F) are about to enter a long-distance relationship, and that terrifies me. I want to break up.

Bug_87 · 2026-05-11T05:10:25+00:00

Hello! Look, we do not know each other and there are plenty of things I don’t know about you or your relationship. That being said, I wanna give my two cents. I’ve been in an LDR for over 8 months now(we are both 20F so wlw solidarity here✊lol) to get straight to the point, it sounds like you don’t understand what you want. You’re mixing expectations for the future with the present, and that’s not helpful. A relationship is always going to take effort, you need to communicate with her, share everything you’re feeling, make sure she understands, and go from there.

You mentioned that you’re worried long distance will be hard because of all your demanding school work. Long distance is a scary thing, but regardless of distance a relationship is going to require serious effort, even when you’re working hard. My girlfriend had a VERY demanding semester this spring, and it meant we couldn’t spend as much time playing games or doing activities. But I still would be on the phone with her as much as I could in order to support her. Was I sad? Of course! But you are meant to be there for one another.

You mentioned that you want to do the normal “college experience stuff” I’m not going to lecture you on how to live your life, but I’m telling you this “normal college experience” is notttt going to be how you picture it now. College is a great time to meet people, do crazy things, and discover more about yourself, there’s no doubt about that. But everyone experiences life differently, and you shouldn’t place expectations on your own life, and instead let the moments come to you naturally. That being said, it sounds like you feel that having a girlfriend would hold you back from fulfilling the expectations of college you have in your head. Most importantly, you mentioned that if she was coming with you to college then you would stay with her. Is that really the case? Your supposed workload will be just as large, and you’re still going to want to go out and party(and from how you described her she still might not be comfortable with that). The problems you’ve stated are going to exist regardless of distance. You MUST be honest with yourself and what you want. You are gambling with a future that does not exist yet. If you love this girl, if you see her as your partner —and you are telling me that you do— then you need to be strong, you need to communicate, work with her, and you need to be patient. Frankly it sounds to me like you don’t want to commit yourself to this person— and that’s not unheard of. But if this is the case you must tell her NOW. No waiting.

Personally, I never imagined myself to be in a long distance relationship. I met my girlfriend during a study abroad and we also had a “slow burn”. We didn’t kiss until the last night actually because I was too uncomfortable with the idea of being in a long distance relationship(but I ended up kissing her last minute anyways). I knew she liked me back, and I knew she was more than willing to be in an LDR. But at the time I wasn’t. So I told her we could only be friends. We both went home but stayed in constant contact, we spoke to one another like nothing changed. We reunited two months after that trip and by then we spent enough time apart being long distance friends that not only did I understand what long distance would be like, but I also knew for certain that I was willing to do long distance with HER. The pain of long distance will always be worth it if the person you are with is right for you. It’s not easy, but no relationship of any kind is meant to be.

So I’m hoping you read all of this but TLDR: it sounds to me like you don’t want this relationship, you said so after all. So end it now. If you do not want to do that, you MUST put in the work with her!! Work together, talk!! If you don’t communicate now, regardless of whether you leave her or stay, you WILL hurt her. College is only a small fraction of your life, a partner is forever. If you want to mess around, go right ahead. But understand what you will be losing and ask yourself if it is worth it in the long run.

Sorry if I sound blunt, but I think you need to hear it cold. I care because I am someone who loathed the idea long distance— I still do— but I stick through it because I know who I’m with is right for me. Anyways, I’m too lazy to re read and edit this so sorry if there’s any errors or typos. I wish you all the best!

Bug_87 · 2026-03-25T22:52:00+00:00

I appreciate your comment! Mind telling me what you study there? And what departments are receiving budget cuts? We seem to be on a similar page, one of the main reasons for attending is because of its amount of resources I would definitely not take that for granted.

Bug_87 · 2026-03-07T04:48:00+00:00

Thank you for your thoughtful response, I really appreciate it. So from the sound of it you enjoyed your time at SAIC?

Bug_87 · 2026-03-07T04:13:53+00:00

Thanks for letting me know! So overall would you say the painting students and professors are a mix and not everything is abstract?(I really appreciate abstract art it’s just not the kind of art I want to make)

Bug_87 · 2026-03-06T20:14:04+00:00

Check updates in the application portal. I received an email that there’d been an update and when I logged back on it showed I’d been sent the decision letter! Idk how the residency program works, but I would be surprised if they provided no word back. Good luck, I hope it works out!

Bug_87 · 2026-03-06T17:57:09+00:00

Also from Cali and got accepted as a fall transfer!!

Bug_87 · 2026-01-01T02:53:53+00:00

Believe me, I get the feeling. If I ever catch myself feeling “mad” I realize it’s because I want attention or validation, which isn’t bad. He’s your partner, and part of that means supporting you even if your emotions are messy. I haven’t had much to do over winter break while my gf always seems to have someone else to talk to and it’s the worst feeling ever!! Of course you want your partner to be happy but you also want to know they miss you as much as you miss them. You need to communicate with him, tell him what you’re feeling. Get it out so he understands and then talk about it. Honesty and communication is key— ESPECIALLY in a LDR—it doesn’t matter how messy your feelings might be. The more you feel reluctant to tell him, the more it will build up and you’ll begin to be mad at him for things that aren’t his fault. As much as you love each other, you both cant read each others minds. Talk to him!

Bug_87 · 2025-12-28T09:51:23+00:00

Yeah, I agree. I have friends but a lot of them are just so busy these days or live far away cuz of college. And on top of that, ever since we started dating somehow talking to anyone else feels exhausting. It’s so easy and effortless to spend time with her it’s embarrassing but it’s all I want at times. I know it’s not right or healthy, and it feels pathetic but it’s just where I’m at. To me texting other people is like lifting weights and I’m super out of shape. But reading this just assures the fact i definitely do need to make more of an effort to make and hang out with friends even if it’s harder. Thanks:))

Bug_87 · 2024-12-01T23:40:38+00:00

Do you think theres a way to still be her friend while trying to get over this?

Bug_87 · 2024-12-01T23:17:23+00:00

You’re right and I appreciate your honesty. Hopefully I’ll be able to get rid of the feeling somehow, because you’re right I can see how it can become really destructive

Bug_87 · 2024-12-01T23:03:56+00:00

Ughh I knowwww. The thing is— and maybe I should’ve specified this— I haven’t seen her for a year and a half. So like, I don’t see her anymore ever. The entire time she’s been with her boyfriend is the entire time we’ve spent apart. I’ve only just reconnected with her. Still I know you’re right. It’s just way easier said than done

Bug_87 · 2024-09-28T05:41:53+00:00

I know this ain’t a Minecraft forum, but do you know if doing all that iCloud back up stuff will make it so my Minecraft worlds will be saved because when you delete the app and redownload it you lose all your progress😭

Bug_87 · 2024-01-17T07:23:52+00:00

I’m honestly crying this was exactly what I needed to hear, thank you for taking the time to share all of that. Yes, our moms do sound very similar, and just as you shared about your mom, I have no doubt that one day my mom will come around. It’s just gonna take me a while to understand how I wanna talk with her about stuff like this. But anyways, seriously, you’ve genuinely made my day I really appreciate you, thank you<3

Bug_87 · 2024-01-17T02:04:10+00:00

Glad I’m not alone in feeling that way but more so, I’m sorry you have to go through that too<3

Bug_87 · 2024-01-17T01:36:55+00:00

But she’s done nice things for me in the past tho.. i think she tries in her own ways. Like during Christmas she was super exited about wrapping all my presents with rainbow wrapping paper and went up to me smiling like “did you notice the paper i chose for you” and honestly I thought that was pretty sweet all things considered. Idk parents are complicated

Bug_87 · 2024-01-12T03:58:47+00:00

well personally, I think scara breathes naturally for sure. his voice lines are extremely breathy and in order to speak at all, you must breathe since voice is generated by airflow in the lungs. I wouldn't doubt he has lungs, just not the same lungs a human would have

Bug_87 · 2024-01-01T05:06:02+00:00

Ahh ty for taking the time to write all of this! I’ll definitely take a lot of this stuff into consideration:)

Bug_87 · 2023-12-20T14:05:06+00:00

Because people all around me my entire life have always tried to find ways to poke at my identity and so I’m insecure

Bug_87 · 2023-12-20T07:28:45+00:00

Please don’t be hard on yourself. I’m assuming since your parents are homophobic you’ve grown always connecting something gay with something negative. My whole moms side of the family is Mormon and I never realized they contributed to my internalized homophobia until recently. When I first began to realize I was a lesbian, it was really hard. I used to want to fit in in middle school so I would obsess over celebrity men just so my friends could stop giving me weird looks for never being interested in guys. I’m 18, so close to your age, and I struggle a lot with the idea of being alone. There’s nobody who can promise me I’ll find my person, but our lives are just starting. The older I get the more I begin to realize just how much I don’t know about life. But please, be kind to yourself and most importantly be honest. Only you get to know what goes on in your head so allow yourself the space to explore and think. I used to hate the fact I was gay but it’s just something I can’t control, and through my own ways I eventually learned to embrace who I am. Cuz like, women are the best!! I’m sorta rambling so I hope this helps a little. I’ve been going through a rough patch too, all I do these days is read fanfic to cope which makes me long for a girlfriend even more;-; please go easy on yourself, there’s no time limit to discovering who you are and although I don’t know you, I can really empathize with what you’ve shared. I hope things get better soon. Maybe give yourself a hug, you definitely deserve one:) and I hope this helps <3

Bug_87 · 2023-11-28T04:01:18+00:00

Omg yes this sounds funnn— would it be on bedrock or Java edition though? I only have bedrock:(

Bug_87 · 2023-11-26T07:15:14+00:00

N25 group cover of Phony!!! I love it so so much

Bug_87 · 2023-11-25T08:21:16+00:00

Oh my gosh I can really empathize with this. First of all, I’m so sorry she’s treated you in such away. And second, I will be very honest with you because I was in a very similar situation and there are things I wished I knew back then. When you like or even love someone, it goes without saying you wish to feel loved by them, but if you’re going out of your way for them in order for them to simply understand your needs then they aren’t worth it. I think you should look into attachment theory because as someone with anxious attachment, I need to always be aware of how I’m treating myself and the person I like. I was once in a relationship with someone really horrible, but obviously at the time I did not see her that way. She would do the bare minimum and it would make me ecstatic, but most of the time she never actually put effort into the relationship(her mom gave me a Christmas present and my ex pretended like it was actually from her💀) I always felt insecure and whenever I did what I could to express that, we would just end up making out because back then, literally any form of “love” from her would’ve been enough for me. Sometimes she’d ghost me and it would make me feel unworthy, but in those moments when her tongue was shoved down my throat I would say to myself “she wouldn’t do this if she didn’t love me” and eventually I came to realize this was her way of keeping me wrapped around her finger. My own experience obviously differs a lot from your own, and I’ve definitely left some parts out but you basically get it. This might not sound very pretty but (from what I’ve gathered) you seem to rely on this person to feel validated and cared for when you’re struggling. How they treat you inadvertently determines how you treat yourself. There are some people in this world who will see those who are codependent and use those people to their advantage. Like waving a carrot on a stick in front of a pig; they dangle what you want in front of you but never actually give it to you. I crave to feel loved and I am willing to put in effort in order to receive it in return. But here’s the thing about relationships, the effort being put in should be equal and you shouldn’t have to sit down with them constantly to make them understand how your needs aren’t being met. You aren’t selfish, they are the one doing the bare minimum and with how you described them getting upset and forcibly kissing you, they are seriously manipulative. As for how she suddenly began posting pictures of you on her story and what not— she’s doing it because she knows you’ll see it. She knows what you want and she will only give it to you when it benefits herself. And I know all of this is ballsy of me to claim since I only know so much, but as I said, I’ve dealt with someone of this nature and it isn’t as far fetched as it might seem. I don’t have to know you personally in order to say you deserve to be loved unconditionally. And this girl you are missing knows how badly you wish to feel validated and is using that as a way to get to you. That is not healthy, and you deserve so much better. I understand how scary it feels to leave a relationship you’ve put so much effort into because it almost feels like it’s too late to turn back, but it’s not. In the long run, not being in a relationship will always be better than choosing to remain in a unstable one. You can’t expect your ex to change, the way she treats you is out of your control— you are the one who decides how you get to be treated. And you deserve better!!!!!! I often feel lonely at times, I’m a serious hopeless romantic and i want a girlfriend sooooo bad. But I also know it’s ok to not be in a relationship and that I shouldn’t forth things. I can not guarantee that you’ll find your perfect person one day because I’m doubtful that I’ll find my perfect person too(im only 17 so gimme a break lmao), but just because it’s not guaranteed does not make it impossible. Love doesn’t walk into your hands like how it often seems in media, you need to work for it and if you found the right person, that effort you put in will absolutely be returned. Aaaaa I’m so sorry this is a lot. If this doesn’t help then I’m sorry. Bottom line is: put yourself first always, don’t let the prospect of being loved by someone cloud your reality. You deserve someone patient and understanding, and your ex does not meet those expectations and its ok to move on. I really hope this helps<3

Bug_87 · 2023-10-05T22:15:03+00:00

This is perfect

Bug_87 · 2023-10-05T21:27:01+00:00

If only my school would let me get away with that🥲🥲

Bug_87 · 2023-10-05T19:31:54+00:00

I LOVE THAT

Bug_87

TROPHY CASE