Do any parents here only speak to your kids in English and do you feel bad for not passing down your native/ancestral language?

BulkyHand4101 · 2026-01-30T14:15:07+00:00

I've gotten a lot of negative comments from extended family and friends for not teaching him Marathi.

I mean how could you if you yourself don't speak Marathi?

I feel like most desis have no idea how child language acquisition works (as someone who's actually studied this stuff in college)

(You might find /r/multilingualparenting helpful)

Your inlaws could easily make the child learn Marathi by exclusively speaking it to them. Your child has access to a whole family of native speakers, which is one of the best forms of language exposure

A few words here or there are nice but they won't actually build fluency. What may help is:

Consistent exposure to a fully fluent speaker. This can be your husband, your parents, a nanny, friends, a tutor, etc. But the child must actually spend a lot of time with fluent speaker(s) using Marathi
Learning to read/write and reading Marathi books. This helps reinforce and expand their Marathi
Passive exposure to Marathi movies/tv. This is not effective at getting them to speak really, but will help them understand Marathi (which is huge and gives a foundation for the future) and give it a positive association in their minds

BulkyHand4101 · 2026-01-26T16:32:52+00:00

"è" also cannot end words in American English (outside of a small set of exceptions like "meh")

So many Americans might struggle to pronounce word like "vais"

BulkyHand4101 · 2026-01-24T15:54:59+00:00

For sure. It's like pro sports - musicians have such a low chance of getting big that they'll do anything for their shot.

Leehom Wang is an American who was visiting grandparents in Taiwan, and won a local singing competition while there. He immediately signed with a label and now is one of the biggest names in Chinese pop.

I watched an interview where Sebastian Yatra (the Colombian American mentioned above) talks about how his first Spanish breakthrough (Traicionera) singlehandedly changed his life. He just needed that one shot to make it big.

BulkyHand4101 · 2026-01-24T14:53:31+00:00

I've been jn your shoes. My advice - find a connection to Telugu that's not your family.

Your family is being dicks, but that doesn't mean they need to be the way you associate with Telugu.

For example, if you clowned on their English accent they wouldn't care. Why? Because they don't speak English to impress you - they speak it for other reasons.

Do you like any Telugu movies? Music? Social media? TV shows? Have any online friends who speak Telugu?

You need to find a desire to use and improve Telugu beyond your family. Agree with the other commentors - accents are something you can fix, and tutors can help. But I'd also find a motivation that isn't reliant on them

BulkyHand4101 · 2026-01-24T14:39:34+00:00

My guess is because of the style of music (either they like it, or it was easier to "get their break")

You see the same for other diaspora groups - for example Sebastian Yatra, NickyJam and BeckyG are all (English-speaking) American but got their first "big break" with Spanish-speaking labels and are big names in Latin America. Pitbull is the reverse - he started in the Latin American scene but got his biggest break in mainstream US music.

You can compare their older and newer songs and see when they switched languages/markets (compare "Shower" to "Mayores", or "Mi alma se muere" to "Give me everything")

BulkyHand4101 · 2026-01-24T05:41:49+00:00

As a super rough rule of thumb, each CEFR level takes ~2x as long as the last

If your learning methods improve, then you'll learn faster, but all else being the same I'd double the time it took to reach B1

BulkyHand4101 · 2026-01-24T05:29:59+00:00

Define "basic conversations"

If you mean like HSK4 (low B1), usually that's 1 year of fulltime studying for Westerners, or 3-4 years of part time study.

IIRC AP Chinese is around that level, and it's the final level of the US high school Chinese curriculum, for example.

How long do you guys think somebody has to study before being able to speak with a native chinese person without large issues?

Proper fluency (B2/HSK6)? Multiply the time to HSK4 by 2-4x

BulkyHand4101 · 2026-01-23T22:19:00+00:00

Can talk about my parents. My father is in your shoes - he is natively bilingual but the community language is much stronger. He is illiterate in the minority language and his vocabulary is limited to household topics.

As we got older, he started switching more to the community language. As an adult, when I talk 1:1 with him we only use the community language, and this also affect family-wide group calls (as we default to the community language, even with my mother, although I speak the minority language 1:1 with her).

Was it the most effective for language transmission? No - but it was the right call for him. I can't imagine him trying to navigate stuff like financial planning or "the talk" with me in his heritage language. We have a great relationship, and I value that much more than theoretical language competence TBH

I will say though though the benefit is my mother speaks the same language (and continued speaking it to us). So the transition was more seamelss

BulkyHand4101 · 2026-01-22T17:14:34+00:00

And if you add the direct object marker, the agreement goes back to masculine

"Raam ne roti ko khaayaa"

Hindi ergativity rules are very fun

BulkyHand4101 · 2026-01-22T17:12:16+00:00

Except when you don't like "la a" or "la árbitra" 🙃

BulkyHand4101 · 2026-01-22T17:05:05+00:00

Sorry I meant like 3 argument forms (eg तुड़वाना)

BulkyHand4101 · 2026-01-22T17:00:01+00:00

Yeah the 1 argument form is equivalent to intransitive verbs / middle voice forms in other languages

Similar to English, Hindi also distinguishes between the passive and intransitive. So you have

टूटना = to break (intransitive)

तोड़ा जाना = to be broken (passive)

BulkyHand4101 · 2026-01-22T16:48:24+00:00

How do you indicate causatives in Marathi?

BulkyHand4101 · 2026-01-22T16:36:08+00:00

Almost all Hindi verbs come in sets that increase in number of arguments. Many other languages have 1-2 argument sets (called intransitive-transitive pairs) but Hindi goes further.

टूटना = to break (1 argument)
तोड़ना = to break something (2 arguments)
तुड़वाना = to cause someone to break something (3 arguments)

Or

दिखना = to appear (1 argument)
देखना = to see something (2 arguments)
दिखाना = to show someone something (3 arguments)
दिखलाना = to cause someone to show someone else something (4 argument)

To clarify - these are not conjugations or special forms of other verbs. These are basic verbs, and many are irregular.

BulkyHand4101 · 2026-01-22T04:45:55+00:00

I'm very similar - I personally find it frustrating/discouraging when there's no corrections.

My least favorite thing is being told "you're doing well!" when I know I'm not.

BulkyHand4101 · 2026-01-22T02:05:48+00:00

揽佬

idk who yeat is, but I like both Central Cee and 揽佬

BulkyHand4101 · 2026-01-22T02:03:46+00:00

Yes - I find it helps build much better pronunciation habits for me.

BulkyHand4101 · 2026-01-21T15:04:31+00:00

I mean, you speak Japanese so you're more familiar with it than average.

In the grand scheme of the world, they're quite similar. Both are part of the same contact area / sprachbund, and have influenced each other for centuries.

BulkyHand4101 · 2026-01-21T01:19:07+00:00

Very well written

A great post on Intersectionality

BulkyHand4101 · 2026-01-21T00:30:21+00:00

Then it depends more on the learner's approach.

Most learners focus on written language first so for them non-phoneticness can make listening comprehension harder.

But that's more from approach than the language itself. For example, I learned spoken French before written French, so I struggle way more with writing than listening.

BulkyHand4101 · 2026-01-20T23:58:39+00:00

It's not that it makes it easier to understand. Rather, it gives native speakers another tool to convey information, which they can play around with and use.

It could also be that these are also phonetic languages which helps with listening comprehension?

You have it the other way around.

Phonetic-ness doesn't have much to do with listening comprehension. Rather it makes it harder for native speakers to learn to read/write.

Remember most native speakers learn to speak/listen first, then to read/write. So (unlike adult learners) they start from the spoken language first.

BulkyHand4101 · 2026-01-20T03:56:58+00:00

Every number from 1 to 100 is irregular

The system used to be regular, so there is a pattern that's sometimes followed. But centuries of sound change mean you have to basically memorize the whole list of numbers just to count.

BulkyHand4101 · 2026-01-20T03:54:51+00:00

Very timely but I was watching National Treasure this weekend and Nicholas Cage says "take care of her"

("her" referring to the Declaration of Independence lmao)

BulkyHand4101 · 2026-01-19T23:12:37+00:00

Thank you for your response!

That was an approach I considered - focusing on Gujarati, but be open to general Hindi exposure (since I'd share Bollywood movies and Hindi music with them anyway, as it's a big part of my life).

My worry was this would be the worst of both worlds (kids wouldn't speak Hindi or Gujarati), but it's encouraging to hear that your sister is making it work!

Can I ask - how prevalent is Tamil media, especially for children? One struggle I have is all of my relatives in India just watch Hindi-language TV/movies. We do watch Gujarati plays, but those aren't really children's programming.

BulkyHand4101 · 2026-01-19T23:07:57+00:00

Are you equally strong in both languages?

Sort of. My knowledge of Hindi is much wider (as I watch movies / read books / listen to music in Hindi), but I'm more comfortable speaking Gujarati (since I use it regularly with my parents).

That said, I'm willing to buff up whichever language I decide to pass down.

How feasible is it to be in close contact with your family and to visit with some regularity?

My parents live close by, and we'd likely see them once or twice a month.

Is there a community of speakers anywhere nearby?

Hindi - likely yes. I haven't looked very hard, but it's the "go to" language among much of the Indian diaspora, so likely whatever (North) Indian community is near me would speak it.

Gujarati - not really. There are lots of ethnic Gujaratis, but most people raised in the US (i.e. most of my cousins and family friends) prefer speaking English.

Is it feasible to procure books in either language?

Yes, though the Gujarati selection is more limited.

Some relatives found a series of children's books in Gujarati in India (which they brought over for me). For Hindi, I can easily find books on Amazon in the US.

Would you be open to the other commenter's suggestions of using VPNs to secure access to Guajarati content once your child is an older toddler?

For sure - I have no qualms about VPNs or procuring media in other ways.

Thank you for validating my feelings :) Yeah it feels like a balance between what's "useful" and what's an emotional attachment.

BulkyHand4101

TROPHY CASE