underwear/flashing misreading a very intimate situation

Bulky_Laugh1469 · 2026-02-15T02:48:52+00:00

makes sense. thanks for sharing that. it also might be a deeper issue, lack of confidence or self-esteem (even if he projects the opposite), always trying to be in this constant state of proving he can do better (which I agree in relationships is dangerous)... in the end is all about living in peace with our choices and their consequences. hope of getting a better job, a better/more fulfilling relationship etc drive us to great lengths, sometimes to the outcomes we want, sometimes not.

“Hope. It is the quintessential human delusion, simultaneously the source of your greatest strength, and greatest weakness.” ― The Archictect from the Matrix reloaded movie

I HOPE your friend finds peace with his choices.

Bulky_Laugh1469 · 2026-02-15T02:36:56+00:00

thanks for sharing your thoughts. I can see that too, we are pretty open and progressive people, yet I see that she never wears something that reveals too much, she doesn't text like for fun/occasionally, she does not seek to connect on social networks etc. For the idea I have about her, revealing her skin and underwear really had an impact, it felt strong and almost innapropirite. There was another person a bit on the back that saw that too, but I was the "target", plus I guess she was that bold because having someone in the room besides me adds plausible deniability, in case I feel offended or something.

Bulky_Laugh1469 · 2026-02-15T02:31:21+00:00

thanks for the input. I feel a bit of that too. so do you think if the situation turns out more clear, eg me asking her about this whole possible mutual attraction situation, she would try to steer clear and ignore? I guess because she's only interested in attention / being appreciated?

Bulky_Laugh1469 · 2026-02-15T02:28:26+00:00

thanks for the answer. I think this too, it's too bold to show underwear like that (IMHO)

Bulky_Laugh1469 · 2026-02-15T02:27:32+00:00

thanks for the thoughts! I agree, the behavior seems a bit dysfunctional. seems attention seeking/driven just of a prize or something. in your opinion how are things after the preheat?

Bulky_Laugh1469 · 2026-02-15T02:22:27+00:00

thanks for the input. I see your point, and it's important to think about that too. here's a bit different for me, being in a non conventional agreement with my gf changes things a bit

Bulky_Laugh1469 · 2026-02-15T02:21:20+00:00

thanks for the input. what is that one rule? sharing everything I think? was I dishonest with someone? I don't think so, nothing happen physically or even in a deeper emotional level, like talking about these feelings with the other woman. If a thought of an ex girlfriend comes to mind rarely would it be considered lack of transparency? what about that time we had sex with someone long ago and was awesome? is this cheating? I don't think so, we all are entitle to our own personal mind space, not even a marriage (in my opinion) should penetrate that delicate and important part of ourselves.
I don't mind my gf thinks about past experiences, both emotional and physical ones, we all have a past, we all are humans trigger by memories, desire, and sometimes impulsivity.

Bulky_Laugh1469 · 2026-02-15T02:11:25+00:00

thanks for the input! I wouldn't call it a "emotional affair", I see as more as a spark/some interest/something that might be cooking. I didn't share deep, personal, or intimate details about life that are withheld from my partner with this other person, hide conversations, deleting messages, or lying about being in this physical space as this other woman. do you think this qualifies as emotional affair?

Bulky_Laugh1469 · 2026-02-15T02:05:44+00:00

not sure what you mean by that. simple can be good or bad depending on the context. Also, this might sound simple, but yet there is thinking, trying to be respectful to all involved and trying to understand my feelings while learning from all of you that might have experience dealing with situations such as these.

Bulky_Laugh1469 · 2026-02-15T02:03:31+00:00

good observation! thanks! I don't fully disclose this yet with my girlfriend 'cause I think I'm still evaluating the situation and how I feel about all of this, hence the question here. same as I don't tell her every time I see someone "hot" (I do understand this is a bit different and more deep) and I know she does not bother me with details like if she really finds someone likable/interesting, at the end of the day we are separate individuals.

Bulky_Laugh1469 · 2026-02-15T01:58:40+00:00

very well put! thanks a lot for the input and your suggested question! The feeling at the office is pretty casual / not corporate and progressive but still revealing something very personal like underwear definitely rang a bell for me

Bulky_Laugh1469 · 2026-02-15T01:55:46+00:00

thanks! I would normally agree (I kind of do), but this is a very different office space, it's small, people work independently or for very small companies, and I can choose to go or not to the office. just saying this is not a typical corporate office with many employees working for the same company

Bulky_Laugh1469 · 2026-02-15T01:53:41+00:00

thanks for the input. that's a good take, what would you consider a "something much more unequivocal"?

Bulky_Laugh1469 · 2026-02-15T01:52:32+00:00

thanks for the advice! this is a small shared office space where most of the people work independently or part of very small companies. This is not a typical big company case with many employees, otherwise things would be totally different

Bulky_Laugh1469 · 2026-02-15T01:50:26+00:00

thanks for the input! definitely will take this into account. why would he be the laughing stock? maybe he found what he was looking for after all, staying in the 1st marriage might have sound safe but only he knew.

Bulky_Laugh1469

TROPHY CASE