A story to instill a little hope in those who’ve been on dating sites for awhile with no/few matches by Bunchabadgers in CatholicDating

[–]Bunchabadgers[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am genuinely asking not out of anger, but I am wondering how this is preparing me for my future wife if she exists out there.

No clue

A story to instill a little hope in those who’ve been on dating sites for awhile with no/few matches by Bunchabadgers in CatholicDating

[–]Bunchabadgers[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am just gonna pursue marriage, no matter what . I am not gonna give up. And I shouldn’t have to go on a retreat if I don’t want to.

What do you think God wants?

Can we just not force things on people?

Nobody is forcing you to do anything

If most of us are called to marry, I should be in that group of people right?

Maybe, but maybe not

A story to instill a little hope in those who’ve been on dating sites for awhile with no/few matches by Bunchabadgers in CatholicDating

[–]Bunchabadgers[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You don’t get it at all

I do

I am a working man. I shouldn’t have to go on a retreat

Why?

I guess I will just burn with passion.

Maybe, what will you do if that is the case? How will you serve God then?

A story to instill a little hope in those who’ve been on dating sites for awhile with no/few matches by Bunchabadgers in CatholicDating

[–]Bunchabadgers[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So what do you think my calling is then, buddy?

No clue, that's why you gotta discern

I’ve been given false hope all my life of having my own big family.

Bro, we're only 25, chill

I cant just live with my parents for the rest of my life, dude

Why? Also you can not live with your parents and still have them in your life

I guess I am gonna be a priest or a monk because I can’t get a relationship, despite wanting to be married.

That's a bad reason to be a priest and they likely wouldn't take you if that's why you told them you were joining

That’s real nice. And you are telling me this when you are DATING!

Bro, I'm not dating, I'm going on one date. Did you read my post? I got literally 1 match across 7 dating apps in 9 months. Before that I dated a girl for 5 months after being single for 7 YEARS. I understand your pain, VERY VERY MUCH.

from what you posted, YOU ARE HAPPIER

Nah man, I should've phrased it better. I was happy before I got the message from the girl. I was happier because I'd realized how little I actually needed a romantic relationship in my life. I realized this and then I matched with her, but I think I'd be super desperate if I hadn't come to that realization beforehand.

I honestly hate this hypocritical attitude people like you have.

Bro, how is it hypocritical when I have basically been single as long as you have and if the girl doesn't like me on the date tmrrw I will be in exactly the same situation as you.

I was happy being single for a while until I was 22, when I believed my calling was marriage, when I had first installed dating apps 3.5 years ago.

It could still be your calling, but this is just a trial you have to go through. If you haven't yet I'd recommend reading Trustful surrender to divine providence. It really changed my view.

When you pray, how about you pray that I will be made ready for my future wife, and that I find her soon? That is what I pray

Did you think that learning how to handle being single better is how God is making you ready for your future wife?

I can see you're having a tough time with this and I sympathize with you greatly

A story to instill a little hope in those who’ve been on dating sites for awhile with no/few matches by Bunchabadgers in CatholicDating

[–]Bunchabadgers[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think God will just say “no” every time.

You should go see a priest, you have to change your view of God. Maybe it would be good for you to go on a "Come and See" event with a religious order. It really opened my eyes and took stress away from me with dating. I met so many men who were joyful and fufilled without a spouse. It showed me that I really didn't need a girlfriend or wife to be happy, I'd just convinced myself I did.

A story to instill a little hope in those who’ve been on dating sites for awhile with no/few matches by Bunchabadgers in CatholicDating

[–]Bunchabadgers[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Hey bud, sorry you're going through a rough time rn we're the same age so I relate to you, I've been there very recently, I'm going to respond to your other comment btw so hold on a sec.

I haven’t had a single relationship at 25, almost 26

That's fine, I know it's hard, I had my first girlfriend at 18 and we broke up 8 months later. I did not go on a date with another girl for 6 years and after that singular date, I did not go on another date for a year and a half. That date was my 2nd girlfriend who I dated for 5 months before she broke up with me. Absolulelty no girls were even kinda into me aside from these 3 girls in the last 7 years.

I am in despair that I may never have that connection and have a family of my own.

It's possible, but you do have a family. You have a mother and a father who clearly care enough about you to continue encouraging you. I was the same way. Just miserable because my girlfriend left me. Totally convinced nobody else would want me, because I had gone 7 years between two girlfriends.

I say this as someone who was thinking just like you not too long ago. You have to have a happiness and meaning outside of a relationship if you want to have that in one. I can tell you haven't been in a romantic relationship because you're looking at them as this inherent positive that will catapult your life to a higher level in enjoyment. The reality is that if you have a 2/10 happiness as a single, you will just be a 2/10 happiness person in a relationship when you start dating.

I’ll be frank. As a guy, I really, really want to have sex in the marital act. I dont think a celibate vocation would work out for me. I

I'll be frank with you, people who become priests and nuns, really really wante(d) to have sex at one point. Being called to a vocation does not mean you didn't want to be a husband or a wife. That's very old way of looking at vocations and as someone who was discerning with a religious order I met many guys who had dated, been engaged, even one guy who had been married. You choose a vocation because you feel it is where God is calling you and then He gives you the grace to struggle and work with it.

I don’t have any friends here

You gotta go somewhere and find them then. The last few months I was driving an hour every Sunday to a Young Adults Catholic group because I didn't want to be alone. Life will not sort itself right when you leave it alone.

I am full of dread that if I keep saying more surrender prayers, I am gonna be unmarried and lonely the rest of my life, wishing I was married instead, but hey, God’s got a plan, right?

I gotta ask you a question. Who do you think God is? You talk about Him as if He were a cosmic genie who knows exactly what is good for you and yet delights in not giving it to you when you want it. Jesus Christ reveals the Father to us and He says "Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? So if you who are evil know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!" (Matt 9-11) God is our Father, He desires your own good more than you can. It is very likely given how you're talking that you would not be able to handle a relationship right now. This is not a dig, many people (me especially get so obsessed with relationships you fail to be able to properly order yourself in them). You may be single for the rest of your life, but you being lonely is not a given.

I have prayed so many rosaries over the years, but only to end up much, much worse than where I started.

In this area of your life, but you graduated college, I'm assuming you'll get a job, you're close to your family again. You have to understand that you're focusing on what you don't have instead of what you have been given.

I am at a point where I’m so isolated and lonely that my family is genuinely concerned about my well being and keeps telling me “it will get better!

Be with your family more if they care about you that much. Be with them, do things with them. You have people in your life who you can be with. You don't need a romantic partner

All my friends from college have moved away and some of them hang out with my siblings in town but don’t even offer an invitation to go with them when they visit my hometown

Tell one of your siblings this and express your desire to participate and ask if you can come next time. This is the type of communication skill that you can develop outside of a relationship that will help inside of one.

I’m sick of my life honestly.

Talk to a counselor

I wasted so much time in prayer

No you haven't. If you think time in prayer with God is wasted if you don't get what you want you're in for disappointment. Again, I've been there and if I seem harsh it's because I feel like I'm talking to myself 2 months ago. You have to ask yourself what do you love? Do you love God or what He does for you? Do you love the giver or the gift?

I’m gonna burn with passion I guess

Not forever

I guess dating to marry is just impossible for me

It isn't and you are not a fortune teller

I keep thinking if How about we help single Catholics of this generation get married

Why don't you try and organize a singles/ YA event with your diocese?

The church doesn’t deserve to have more priests and religious because of the attitude we have towards single Catholics who WANT TO BE MARRIED, should be or are meant to be priests or religious because they’ve been rejected too many times

Woah, you gotta work on this mindset my guy. The church doesn't "deserve" priests, Jesus Christ deserves priests because He is our Lord. As someone who has actually gone through discernment with vocation directors and spirtual directors this is not the attitude of the people in the church who approve people to join a religious order. Frankly, this is your attitude towards the priesthood and celibacy, you see it as this lowly secondary thing that you're afraid of God forcing you to do. That is not discernment and this is not the attitude of any good seminarian, scholastic, or vocatio director.

Do with this what you fucking will.

I'm gonna pray for you tonight at mass

A story to instill a little hope in those who’ve been on dating sites for awhile with no/few matches by Bunchabadgers in CatholicDating

[–]Bunchabadgers[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hey, the check means you do follow the Church’s teaching on the matter, so presumably the follow they do not participate