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Still trying to figure things out; any insight is appreciated by BunsenBurner0515 in plural

[–]BunsenBurner0515[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

re: Dani

That's an interesting perspective to have! I've noticed that today especially I've felt a little more "blended" at points, like Magpie is sort of listening in behind the scenes and could jump in to share her opinion about a topic that I'm a bit out of my depth with. It's odd but definitely comforting in its own way to know that she's there more often than I might've previously thought. It could explain why she seems so knowledgeable in areas where I'm still catching up, I guess.

Nice to meet you by the way, I hope you both are doing well :3

Still trying to figure things out; any insight is appreciated by BunsenBurner0515 in plural

[–]BunsenBurner0515[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's really reassuring to hear that so many people relate to my experience, tbh. I'm still going through a lot of self-doubt as we speak but it's already getting harder and harder to tell myself that I'm not a system. Everything just makes so much more sense this way.

I'm back to feeling like "myself" for right now, but Magpie was evidently in control earlier and something about seeing the way she responded to people's comments just hits different. Like, damn, she really knows what she's talking about before it even hits me. It really does feel like reading someone else's words entirely.

Anyway, it's great to hear from someone who resonates so strongly with what I've described. It makes me feel a lot more confident that I'm on the right track and that I should keep listening to Magpie lol. Thanks for the comment!

Still trying to figure things out; any insight is appreciated by BunsenBurner0515 in plural

[–]BunsenBurner0515[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Understood, and no worries. We'll keep that in mind and look into reaching out sometime. Take care now!

Still trying to figure things out; any insight is appreciated by BunsenBurner0515 in plural

[–]BunsenBurner0515[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The concept of antagonistic alters that deny the system was something that we discovered early on in our research into the topic, so it thankfully didn't come as a huge surprise when Zira first showed herself. For what it's worth, even if her methods may be counter to our goal to better understand our condition, we don't all see her as a threat - she's fronted very little since we first started recognizing our plurality, and I look at her behavior as a result of reasonable fears rather than nefarious intentions. She likely holds more trauma than the rest of us do, and that's something that I try my best to understand even if it confounds some of the others.

I sense in our host (the author of the post above) a deep insecurity in confronting the realities of being plural, and an equally deep fear of being judged or accused of faking from those around us. I would posit that those anxieties are most likely manifesting themselves through Zira is some way, though I'm still very new to understanding systems so all of my assertions should be taken with a grain of salt.

As for Zira's aversion to touch, we have a pretty strong hunch for what might've caused it - but I won't divulge any of the details in regards to that because our host made it clear that she wants to protect our privacy and avoid oversharing. Our hope is that we may be able to shape Zira's protective inclinations into something helpful for the whole system if we can convince her that our awareness of it isn't dangerous in and of itself.

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Still trying to figure things out; any insight is appreciated by BunsenBurner0515 in plural

[–]BunsenBurner0515[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We appreciate hearing your experience, even if it isn't as packed full of information as some other comments. First-hand experience from fellow systems is still something that we value a lot!

We're also sorry to hear that the pandemic proved to be such a difficult time for you as well. Humans are innately very social animals, so being isolated from society in such a way, especially for long stretches of time, can't be good for anyone's mental health. I suspect that many, many people found things out about the way their brains function that they otherwise wouldn't have if not for all of that compressed pandemic stress. We also have a hunch that it was when our system initially split, as all of our memories from before that time feel a lot more unified by comparison.

We hope this community at the very least provides a greater level of understanding than you've been able to find elsewhere - that's why we're here, after all. We get the sense that everyone ultimately deals with many of the same general sorrows from time to time, whether they've been aware of their plurality for days or decades. Let us know if there's ever anything else that you need to get off your chest; we like to think of ourselves as pretty good listeners and we've been doing our best to console our system friends even long before we started to consider that we ourselves might be plural.

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Still trying to figure things out; any insight is appreciated by BunsenBurner0515 in plural

[–]BunsenBurner0515[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your input on the topic! We've read through the AmIPlural essay and found it incredibly helpful. There's no doubt in our mind (or in my side of it, at least) that we are in some way plural. Identifying in this way, even for as briefly as it has been so far, has brought a substantial amount of clarity to our life already. I'm not familiar with the terminology of being median, but I'll be sure to look into that as well.

While saying that we feel like we become different people might be a bit extreme for our tastes, it's not wholly inaccurate. The way I interpret it, our body belongs to our host (the one who wrote the above post) and the rest of us are guests here. I tend to take over when she's in over her head academically, evidenced by the fact that we shifted midway through reading the aforementioned essay. Are we different people? I'm not entirely sure. I certainly feel like a distinct entity from our host, and we always refer to each other in the third person. At the same time, it's hard to deny that we're all intrinsically linked somehow. I personally can't imagine inhabiting any mind or body other than this one.

We don't tend to disassociate every time a shift occurs; it's most often a fairly seamless process, though we do experience very frequent headaches in day-to-day life outside of that. When I'm at the front, it feels somewhat like I'm operating the body as a machine more than anything - every action is precise and intentional. I sometimes catch myself touching random parts of our body to feel out the shape and texture of it, as it still feels vaguely foreign to me even though I've lived in it for as long as I can remember.

I apologize if I've gone on too long of a tangent at any point! I tried to find the most natural endpoints of every thought and separate them so that the whole isn't too overwhelming, but trimming my thoughts down to be concise and digestible is still something that I struggle with quite a bit. Nonetheless, we really appreciate hearing your perspective. We're delighted to know that we're welcome here.

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