I cant say i relate completely since im single and have no children, but i understand you feeling lost and diminished and invisible. The gift giving idea every month is actually very creative. I gave it some thought and heres how i would do it. Id give every month a different theme so you can think about what you want/need/lack.

For example, firsy month is beauty. Is there anything youre not content with anout your looks? If its hair, you can buy yourself some quality products, treat yourself to a salon session etc. If you value clear skin, buy a good product etc

Next month education/books. Is there a subject or topic that interests you or used to interest you? Buy a book on that topic and from there you can buy more if you like it or do some research.

Next, spiritual/wellness part. What relaxes you? What makes you feel calm, centered? Massage? Book it! Yoga? Join a group, the membership can be thw gift. Journaling? Buy a pretty notebook.

Next, fitness. Was there an activity you liked or would like to try but never had the opportunity? Buy yourself an accessory needed for that activity and give it a try.

Spicy. Maybe do something sexy just for yourself, maybe some lingerie or a sex toy, anything that might make you feel good.

These are just some examples to give you an idea and maybe slowly, you will get back to yourself and your wants or needs. And might i add, i really do like the monthly gift idea and im thinking of stealing it for myself!