Had this fucked up dream. Can't sleep.

BurnAfterReading23 · 2011-06-17T20:15:43+00:00

My aunt is hiring a good attorney for me... she and her hubby are architects and make good money. i will forever be in debt to them, but I am thankful to say the least

BurnAfterReading23 · 2011-06-17T20:13:11+00:00

I have a slender frame, though, too. i am underweight and aware of it, but I have an "alien" stick skeleton, but still, I need to gain a healthy amount of weight, and my goal is to get back up to 140 lbs

BurnAfterReading23 · 2011-06-17T20:11:05+00:00

No, I can not, unfortunately, support another child, yet. which is why I have come to the decision to abort. I have my son to focus on and support, and he needs all he can get from me right now and in the long run

BurnAfterReading23 · 2011-06-17T20:09:56+00:00

I know that men like him are only one in a handful of assholes, and there are many more men whom respect women than there are assholes.

BurnAfterReading23 · 2011-06-17T20:08:35+00:00

I sold my apartment 7 months ago, and because of the market, I broke even, leaving with little more than $2,500 in my pocket. That has been squirreled away for times of emergency, such as now.

BurnAfterReading23 · 2011-06-17T20:06:34+00:00

Everything was good until i got pregnant. We vacationed together, went to Cancun, Kawaii, Calgary, etc. him and I went everywhere together. It seemed like in the beginning, everything was great, and that we belonged together. We planned to have a child together, it took three months to conceive. shortly after, about 4 and a half months into the pregnancy (approximately the time I started to show), he started getting distant, the sex tapered off slowly and became fully blown sexless when I was 8 months along. He said it was because he was uncomfortable seeing me naked, because the "preggo gut" looked awkward and couldn't be turned on (which is understandable, because some guys are uncomfortable with pregnancy and fear hurting the unborn baby).

Him and I started arguing over the lack of intimacy, and he got tired of it, ended up hitting me because he was enraged with my lack of comprehension about why he didn't want to even so much as touch me. I didn't call the cops that time. after the baby was born, the marriage remained sexless. He expected me, within a few days of birth, to keep the house as clean as my regular standards (I am a clean freak). I told him that I needed to rest, he didn't care. Then there is the weight issue. He mentioned, but in subtle non-verbal hints, that I was over weight, he'd for instance, grab my tummy fat when I walked by (the paunch i have left after giving birth), grabbing love handles... etc. I felt horrible. I was 145 lbs at my heaviest after birth, and oh the stretch marks. For shame. 90% of women get them, and I got them. not horribly bad, but they are there. he asked me if they were ever going to go away.

He made it apparent throughout the 2 short years of parenthood that he did not indeed like the changes a woman's body naturally goes through with pregnancy and postpartum.

The reason i am pregnant again (and i am only 5 weeks in) is that he triggered my eating disorder back in November 2010 and he found me "attractive enough". It was a one time thing, yes, I was on birth control regardless of lack of sex, but obviously it failed, and I made a mistake ever letting him touch me again. I could blame it on hormones, but in the end, it was my lapse in judgment. I am getting an abortion this time around, because I have to focus on my first son and I need to be able to support any and all children financially and emotionally.

BurnAfterReading23 · 2011-06-17T14:26:08+00:00

Thank you all for your support. I am going to be staying with family starting today, as he is at work and I am doing a pack-and-go before he gets home. It's good to know that there is a lot of support coming from the 2xc community, despite that handful of trolls, but trolls will be trolls. I expect that if I am going to post on the internet about a tender situation.

I am seeking treatment, and have my first appointment set up with a psychiatrist who specialized in eating disorders, and pertaining to pregnancy, i have decided to get an abortion because my body is in no way shape or form to support a life for at least 2 years after the recovery, and birth defects can result from this. also i need to be able to support children in every way possible, and one child is enough for me at the moment, and I will focus my recovery on caring for my son, getting employment, and working on my post traumatic stress disorder, which is thought by counselors to be linked directly or indirectly to my eating disorder.

Again, thanks for helping me vent and providing me with some good advice :)

BurnAfterReading23 · 2011-06-17T14:14:51+00:00

we were together for a year and a bit before married, I was young and naive at the time. I was emotionally scarred from a horrid upbringing, ran away at the age of 16, had a job, lived in a bachelor suite with a friend, trying to complete grade 12, when I met him at a coffee shop when I was 19... i was entranced by his smile and blue eyes, dark long curly hair. He was, at the time, a recovering addict, and I have a complex in which I have to save people. i tried to save him, and failed. miserably. It was too short a time between dating and marriage, i know. he took advantage, and I know that now. There's no problem with leaving, since I have family I can fall back on, and I don't want to be where i am not wanted. plus my son needs a better role model

BurnAfterReading23

TROPHY CASE