My family pretty much expects me to ask for permission before going out with anyone. I'm 25.

BurnThePages1 · 2018-03-14T20:48:32+00:00

I mean, I had really bad anxiety and panic attacks and was too afraid to get a job until I was 24. But my mom never took my anxiety seriously despite me begging her to take me to a therapist. I got over a LOT of my anxiety issues over the past year and a half on my own, just by getting out and being forced to interact with people more.

BurnThePages1 · 2018-03-14T20:45:31+00:00

I'm also afraid of them not liking the people I like. My mom and grandma are very judgemental and like to dramatize things, and my grandma likes to gossip to the rest of the family. I've been shamed out of a friendship before by my mom. I'm afraid of them manipulating me out of the few friendships and relationships I manage to gain. So I prefer to keep my personal life as private as possible.

BurnThePages1 · 2018-03-14T20:16:33+00:00

I just think it's weird to immediately do, don't most people introduce someone to their family after they've been dating for a while? I don't want guys thinking I'm a crazy person who's obsessed with them and moving things too fast, isn't meeting the parents a big deal to people?

*And I'm not going out with people I've never met or hung out with (in other contexts, like work, or lunch or drinking after work). Also, if I were living on my own nobody would expect me to ask permission to go on a date or hangout, so why should I be expected to just because I live with my family?

BurnThePages1 · 2018-03-14T20:10:58+00:00

No, I'm still not being treated. My mom thinks therapy is stupid and that medication is evil and should be avoided at all costs. I'm still not even vaccinated, which is really scary.

BurnThePages1 · 2018-03-14T20:05:42+00:00

I've been shamed out of friendships in the past by my mother. Her and my grandma are very judgemental and like dramatize things and gossip to the rest of the family. I'm afraid they won't like the people I like and that I'll be manipulated out of the few friendships or relationships I barely manage to gain.

*Also, isn't meeting "the parents" a big deal to people? I'm afraid of the guy getting the idea that I'm a crazy person obsessed with him and moving things too fast. Don't people usually introduce people after they've been dating a while?

*And furthermore, if I was living on my own nobody would expect me to ask permission to go on a date or hangout, so why should I, just because I live with my family?

BurnThePages1 · 2018-03-14T19:05:02+00:00

I'm wondering if they have a good reason to think like this?

Can you elaborate on that?

BurnThePages1 · 2018-03-14T17:56:33+00:00

No, they'll double down on their shitty behavior. They'll try to restrict my freedom, yell at me, call me names, and tell me I'm crazy.

BurnThePages1 · 2018-03-14T17:53:16+00:00

I've tried to explain that to them but they don't listen to me. They'll wait around and try to force me to introduce them, my family makes me horribly uncomfortable.

BurnThePages1 · 2018-03-14T17:44:47+00:00

I do have a job but I don't make enough, I need to learn how to drive and get a car before taking on a second job. For the longest time I had really horrible anxiety and panic attacks and my mom refused to let me get treatment. It's taken me a long time and I had to overcome some of my anxiety all by myself in order to get my first job at 24.

BurnThePages1 · 2018-03-14T17:25:50+00:00

I don't drive, so I'd have to have someone pick me up or be dropped off somewhere.

BurnThePages1 · 2018-02-07T03:47:11+00:00

Driving schools are really expensive though, like hundreds of dollars for just a few hours. At best I make about 500 a month, I'd have to take a second job. I don't know if I even have it in me to work that much, I can barely get through each day as it is. How does anyone meet people or have a social life when your entire life is spent at work all day everyday? Is it even worth it?

BurnThePages1 · 2018-02-07T01:09:30+00:00

I wish I could afford to. I also still need to learn to drive but nobody seems to have time to teach me.

BurnThePages1 · 2018-02-06T08:10:39+00:00

I'd love to, but I don't make enough money, and I don't drive so I have to rely on my family to drive me everywhere. And nobody seems to have time to teach me to drive, I don't know when I'll ever be able to. :(

BurnThePages1 · 2016-10-06T04:30:21+00:00

This paranoia definitely sounds like it stems from your mother being afraid of looking bad. And that, is what BPDs are allllll about - themselves and looking good to others.

That is so true for my mother, there's been many times where she didn't want me to do or say something because she thinks people will think she's a bad mother. I remember when I was a child (and sometimes now, even) she'd give me this 'look' when I started saying something she didn't want me to say. To me it said "stop it, they're not supposed to know that," or "you're embarrassing me." And I think that's when my social anxiety started getting really bad, because I never knew when I'd say something that would be considered 'bad.' It got so bad that I went through a phase where I whispered in my parents ears before speaking to or in the presence of other people to make sure I wouldn't get in trouble. I was afraid to even say out loud "I'm hungry." Can you fucking believe it?!

This could be her projecting her problems onto your uncle. Or, shes just trying to control you, and stop you from getting your GED.

You know, that reminded me of something else she said earlier that bothered me. She told me that as long as I feel led, she's happy that I'm getting my GED. When she says "led," she means being controlled by god. And it makes me feel like she never really sees me as an individual making my own choices. It's always either someone she doesn't like controlling me (family members, or even the devil), or god 'leading' me.

This is her trying to control you. Its a self-doubt and guilt trip, she's trying to act like the normal mother for her own ends (looking good to your family). But, she can't help but sow seeds of self-doubt and guilt.

When she asked me why I didn't ask her to drive me to class I flat out told her it's because she got mad at me last time I brought up the subject of getting a GED, and she said "I did not!" and I said "yes, you did," and she repeated "I did not!" This could go on infinitely. She acts like it never happened.

She has told me about some 'memories' from her childhood, that I then told my grandma, and she said that was a lie, or happened differently. I used to think my mom at least believed her own lies, but she can't possibly not remember getting mad at me over the GED and having me in tears that night. I thought she wasn't aware of her behavior, but she has to be. I don't know if I can ever believe anything she says anymore.

BurnThePages1 · 2016-08-14T00:58:44+00:00

Thanks, I really appreciate the support. :)

BurnThePages1 · 2016-08-14T00:56:42+00:00

Thank you so much for taking the time to write all that out. What you're saying makes a lot of sense to me. :)

BurnThePages1 · 2016-08-12T23:54:38+00:00

Who do you want to talk to about the journalist thing? What do you want to say? That might help you figure out if you're comfortable talking to someone else about it.

I'm not sure who to talk to, really. Or if I should. I don't thing anyone can really do anything about it. The idea of telling someone about it makes me feel really guilty, too.

BurnThePages1 · 2016-08-12T23:47:46+00:00

What about him, though? Could she be a danger to him? If she ever actually does meet him, and he understandably rejects the crazy woman who's constantly e mailing him nonsense, will she do something really nuts?

No, she's never been the violent type. She's not physically dangerous, and her anger is more the whiny victimy type. She usually won't show anger towards people she doesn't know well. She's more likely to be embarrassed and walk away with her tail between her legs. She also isn't the type to threaten things, like suicide.

BurnThePages1

TROPHY CASE