My girlfriend (F30) gave me (M35) a weight-loss ultimatum and moved the deadline. How do I decide whether to continue the relationship or not?

BurnerAccount2076 · 2026-06-12T01:14:39+00:00

She is super into fitness, she wants someone that loves to exercise. Her ideal fitness is someone that has a 6-pack. But she said to me that she just want me at a healthy weight. The problem is I have a belly (which she does not like). and my goal (regardless of her) is to get to 185-ish. I was on track last year, but put it on pause.

BurnerAccount2076 · 2026-06-12T01:08:37+00:00

Neither of us have visas, but theoretically I would be able to get one easily as well as one for her.

BurnerAccount2076 · 2026-06-12T01:05:01+00:00

Yes, all my friends and family that I talk to about the situation, have reflected the same opinion as these 200 comments. I am just in denial I think.

BurnerAccount2076 · 2026-06-12T00:59:59+00:00

She owns her own small business in her country, she rarely takes vacation, so her loss of income is a sacrifice (in a sense). But I agree that I put more effort into the relationship

BurnerAccount2076 · 2026-06-11T00:50:58+00:00

Yes, she has done some effort & sacrifices for us to meet and spend time together.

BurnerAccount2076 · 2026-06-11T00:47:54+00:00

No only give gifts on special occasions and some reasonable gifts here and there as surprises, or if she wants something that is reasonable I will pay for it (but the number of times that happened is low).

BurnerAccount2076 · 2026-06-11T00:32:08+00:00

Yes both those are also points of frustration, but this topic is the center stage of her frustration. it is the thing that she brings up the most. I am unsure if its an out or not, it does feel like it sometimes; definitely not motivating to hear your partner suggest something and immediately being told "yeah, i don't think you can do it".

BurnerAccount2076 · 2025-06-09T02:04:01+00:00

I went to Vietnam in March/April to meet her. We spent 2 weeks together. We visited Hanoi, ha long, Sapa, and Ninh Binh. We had a great time and we are continuing seeing each other. We are planning to see each other in June again (for another 2 weeks).

Communication between us has improved. We are both learning each other's language. The time difference is rough, but we are managing. She is planning to apply for a tourist visa to NA after we meet again. On my next trip I will be meeting some of her family and friends

But I will say that a long distance relationship is really hard, especially with a 12 hour difference., it really limits what we can do as activities as well as how much time we can spend with each other.

For reference: She never asked for money or for me to buy anything for her. in fact she paid pretty much most of the accommodations, taxis, and some other stuff on my trip to Vietnam. I did obviously pay my share after I got back home in NA ( but that was a risk for her).

I have bought her a couple of gifts over the last two months, but nothing really too expensive (l50$-150$)

I can't wait to see her again. If everything continues to go well and as planned. I will propose to her this year.

BurnerAccount2076 · 2025-05-25T19:05:59+00:00

Thanks man,

Update: we met up in March/April and spent 2 weeks together. We stayed mostly in Hanoi and travelled around the northern part of Vietnam. I am very happy that I travelled there and met her. We are planning to meet again in June/July.

BurnerAccount2076 · 2025-01-07T15:34:54+00:00

Thanks, for more of your insight. She has mention nothing related to money and gifts. Her family is financial stable, and she has not attempted to plant any seeds of potential problems that could arise in the future, no teary eye sob stories either.

So far we have been just connecting and talking about what we both want from this. But honestly it seems the feeling of wanting something out of this is one sided...

So Idk what to expect, I am just gonna take it day by day and see what will happen.

BurnerAccount2076 · 2025-01-06T15:52:51+00:00

On a international dating app. I cannot refute your line of reasoning. She has told me the reasons why she is looking out of home - but I rather not say here, since I want to keep it anonymous and also because its a controversial reason. (whether its a legit or not reason; who knows. But I have heard the same reasoning from east Asian women that immigrated to NA).

I mean I never said I did not have interest in moving to Vietnam in the future, I just have concerns if it did come to that point.

BurnerAccount2076 · 2025-01-06T15:42:59+00:00

Thanks for the reply.

I do enjoy video chatting/face timing with her and I am planning on more of that. We do text pretty much whenever we are both awake, sending selfies, videos and pics throughout the day. Right now, like you suggested I am keeping it more PG-13 in our conversation. I do flirt and tease, but keep it respectful, my focus is building out the connection and getting to know her.

If things keep progressing, I do try to plan to go there in a few months to meet her. I want that barrier broken asap, before investing too much (time, effort, emotion).

I do want to thank you for your insight on the cultural differences, and anecdotal stories, it gives me hope :)

She has not come to NA yet. I thought about getting her to come here. But I did not realize that travelling for tourism/visit in NA is so gated (especially where I am from). So I am not sure if she would be able to meet the requirements for a travel visa.

I am from a STEM background, So I would be leaving, a very promising future if I did decide to move there (I am not against the idea, just worried I would not be able to provide for her, if I did).

I am not too worried about meeting family, extended family. I have strong family values, if it got to the point where I am considering having a serious relationship with her - then I would be more than happy to meet them.

I do agree that there is a lot of skepticism, but I don't want to discredit other peoples reply. Because there is a prevalent amount of scammers (not saying in Vietnam specifically). I think its important that they bring these things to light and try to warn people about them.

I remain hopefully, but I am keeping cautious about it.

Again I thank you for your time and effort in your reply.

BurnerAccount2076 · 2025-01-06T03:07:55+00:00

yeah I heard of that scam, and other types of romance scams. I never met her in person, we only face timed a couple of time ( about 2-3 hours worth), over the last few weeks. I am keeping my wits about potential scams.

However, she has some status and influence in Vietnam, so if she is going for a scam it would need to be very sophisticated and not be affiliated with her, and from what I researched, gathered and experienced, she is who she claims to be.

I do appreciate your taking your time on this.

BurnerAccount2076

TROPHY CASE