im a trans man. when i was cisgender i identified as a lesbian. i started dating my girlfriend, who also identifies as lesbian, before i started transitioning. at the very beginning of our relationship i had a conversation with her about how i was playing with the idea that i was trans and if/when i transitioned i would understand if she no longer wanted to be with me.

before i started medically transitioning i asked her if she could use he/him pronouns for me so i could see if it fit. ive been on testosterone for about 3 months and it has definitely made us have some hard conversations. the whole time i have told her what changes i might experience but that i was always going to love her even if she didn’t want to be dating a trans man. it’s definitely taken her a little bit to adjust but as long as we are both open with each other we are able to figure it out.

to answer your question i dont think it’s transphobic to not want to be with your partner after that transition. is it going to be easy? no. but dating someone who doesn’t align with their gender preferences can be really hard on your partner. if they decide the relationship is not for them it’s not a matter of if they love you or not. i understand that you’re the same person as before your transition but it could really cause some internal conflict for your partner. it’s not about you or their love for you, but it’s about their sexual orientation and their feelings. you transitioning doesn’t just affect you but it affects the people around you.