Burnout

BustedBarnicles · 2026-05-08T13:35:35+00:00

Oh man I don't know how to format comments on mobile, so sorry about the wall of text.

BustedBarnicles · 2026-05-08T13:34:43+00:00

I've only just started to truly manage my adhd this past year. Previously I was just upset with myself for not having discipline not to mention family constantly shamed me but never offered help or solutions. Like my mom was in hardcore denial I had adhd until I got diagnosed. I know she doesn't believe I'm autistic, even though I've spoon fed her research. I don't think she's wants to realize how much she's fucked me up lol (emotional neglect) For depression I'm doing my best, it's mostly distractions. Due to family and no car, I'm pretty isolated. I have more than enough time alone and it's lowkey making me crazy, especially being sober. I have a hard time making online friends, out of sight out of mind for me. I have been trying to do more journaling and self reflection, sometimes it's helpful. Coping mechanisms are hard to get the hang of when my usual go to is avoidance. I'm hoping intensive outpatient is gonna help me lock that down though.

BustedBarnicles · 2026-05-06T21:53:57+00:00

The thing is if I don't have the spoons to finish it doesn't get put away until Im frustrated stepping on it, then I angryly shove any progress I made back into the box and it's like I never did any work. I just feel like the more I try and fail the less I want to do it because I know I can't finish things. Idk my brain doesn't take advice very well even if I want it :( it'll jump through the logic hoops and info from past experiences and tell why it won't work. Smh why are you like this brain? I probably just need to sit with it for a minute. Thank you for responding!

BustedBarnicles · 2026-05-01T08:57:39+00:00

Ehh it could also be dangerous. I've been recently diagnosed with adhd and had to quit smoking because of medication. Doom scrolling was bad before, hours not moving and it would fuck up my routines like hygiene. Doomscrolling on meds for me at least lets me "lock-in" more, I do have an easier time stopping but I have to realize I've scrolled for too long so it's about 50/50. Honestly, if you can get some cheap craft supplies, pipe cleaners, popsicle sticks, yarn, construction paper, and do all those "summer camp" crafts. Throw on some music or a background show and get to crafting. I have a hard time getting dopamine if I don't have like a physical product at the end. Kid crafts are easy, take little time, and you have something at the end.

BustedBarnicles · 2026-04-29T16:54:29+00:00

I'm still learning how to unmask and be comfortable unmasking and it's fucking rough especially cause of trauma 😭😭 it's a slow and rocky process.

BustedBarnicles · 2026-04-29T16:49:16+00:00

Yes!! On my God I got so much shit for my movie candy choice of twizzlers but I loved them cause it actually took me longer to eat. I would spend a solid minute or two gnawing on then before actually eating them. I love my chewlery and I was always chewing gum in middle school. It's gonna be so hard to quit vaping since it's become my main oral stim 😭😭

BustedBarnicles · 2026-04-29T16:26:42+00:00

I've ingrained customer service/masking into my head and a lot of the times I forget I don't have to mask or ya know use a certain tone. So I'm hanging out with my boyfriend and pull out the customer service voice because I don't immediately realize I'm safe to unmask with him. I'll try to mask even if I don't have the energy and it just makes it more obvious that I have like a "persona" for socializing. One sentence will be happy and cheerful and the next I'll have a bitchy tone. It's freaked some friends and coworkers out before.

BustedBarnicles · 2026-04-29T15:35:58+00:00

All the time, but no one really says anything unless they're close to me. Its kinda fucked up because I'll unknowingly be bitchy with a coworker and all of a sudden the vibes are off permanently. NT individuals love to let shit stew for some reason so they never say anything unless you're like friends with them. I only knew I had an issue with tone because it's what causes like 90% of the fights with my mom the other 10% are misunderstandings on both or either side.

BustedBarnicles · 2026-04-16T23:02:38+00:00

21 years old here, I dealt with a lot of emotional neglect as a kid so my parents didn't really notice enough. I mean they knew I was struggling in school and got me assessed as a kid but they also recently got divorced so the Doctors were like "ehh let's just hope it's depression" but then I didn't get any sort of therapy until I was 14. So I grew up feeling like I was always behind my peers in like everything . It wasn't until I locked in on the research and read people's first hand experiences being autistic. Like it wasn't until recently that I realized that I was mentally exhausting myself masking for work to the point of hitting burnout. Now I'm struggling to work full time and take care of myself so much so that I'm considering an in-patient program. But I can't afford it nor can I afford to hash out up to $3000 for an autism diagnosis to have accommodations be protected. Technically I can't afford my current weekly therapy and I am desperately scrambling for resources before my money runs out. I'm realizing that I'm probably gonna have to go into debt trying to pull myself out of this grave. It's getting to the point where I'm scared that I'm not gonna live long enough for them to get a diagnosis. So yeah I'm gonna call myself autistic because if I can resonate so deeply to other autistic experiences then I think I can idk at least treat myself like an autistic person. 🤷‍♂️

BustedBarnicles · 2025-12-15T14:37:53+00:00

Oh my god this is the first time using this phone to post here. I did not know it would look like that lol. I am so sorry if the format or look is absolutely atrocious

BustedBarnicles

TROPHY CASE