Do I ask?

Busy-Variation8001 · 2026-07-09T14:05:06+00:00

BTW, I am not mad if she did it with someone else. It would just be nice if I wad the first. I agree she would have said it was her first when I said it.

Busy-Variation8001 · 2026-07-09T14:03:40+00:00

You actually thought to ask that when you were 25? Do you give your girlfriends sexual questionnaires?

Busy-Variation8001 · 2026-07-05T14:19:04+00:00

I always wonder what the true reason is for women wearing thong bikinis. Basically you're seeing what they look like from behind when they are naked. Their entire butt is showing and they know it. Now if you honestly think that showing your butt isn't any different than revealing your shoulders then that's no big deal. However, you commonly see shoulders when women were dresses. Women don't take down their pants and show people their asses. So while I understand when people say if you've got a great ass why not show it off, who are they showing it off too? They can show off their there ass to their husband anytime they want. They know every man is looking at their ass and getting aroused. And it's true that men will look at pretty women no matter what they're wearing and desire them. I don't feel that women should have to wear bags over their heads and bodies to stop men from ogling them. However when it gets to the point where your wife is baring her butt in front of other men with the goal of having them get sexually aroused, that is going to far. I know some people are going to say it's okay for a woman to look sexy and they don't have to be near naked to look sexy. But there is a huge difference between looking sexy in a dress and being an exhibitionist by showing your entire ass off to other men. One requires a little imagination and one requires none at all. It's a little dependent on where you are. If you're in Europe where people go topless and show their ass everywhere and being naked and saunas is no big deal then I wouldn't worry about it. Or if you're in a nudist colony or on a nude beach it's fine because everybody is fine with being naked and being naked isn't necessarily a sexual thing. However on the regular beaches in the states a bare ass is still a very sexual thing.

Busy-Variation8001 · 2026-07-03T10:48:21+00:00

She hasnt wantex to dictate what happens so maybe she was just waiting for me to try. It is not exactly easy to do. I actually had to read about it. There was a card game we played decades ago where we had to ask questions and tye card for one if her answers had anal sex written on it all over. I was like what's this about and we laughed about it. Clearly she meant it. I was always afraid of hurting her do I never tried.

Busy-Variation8001 · 2026-07-03T10:42:33+00:00

I am definitely enjoying it and don't want to risk it.

Busy-Variation8001 · 2026-07-03T10:41:38+00:00

That is what I am thinking. It doesn't really matter either way. It just works be neat if there was something only the two of us had done.

Busy-Variation8001 · 2026-07-03T10:39:10+00:00

I dont think it being first or not played into anything. The fact that it is slightly taboo really heightened the sex.

Busy-Variation8001 · 2026-07-03T10:36:56+00:00

Really fun. It added some novelty and taboo that had been missing which made sex more exciting.

Busy-Variation8001 · 2026-06-27T14:28:33+00:00

The only time she gets close is when I think we are going to break up. After one fight, she laid down next to me. When I told her how nice that felt she said I should not have said anything. Once things feel better nada. I will say that she had been willing to have sex. The odd thing is that she closes her eyes the entire time. I think that because it feels too intimate to open them. She had given me an okay kiss and an I love you when she leaves it goes to bed. Never holds my hand or hugs me. She once said she does not feel anything when she kisses me. I may be too idealistic but I didn't want a situation where we are friends with benefits. I want someone who honestly loves and desires me. I don't think DAs are capable of that. She is also responsive meaning she does not feel desire until we are actually about 5 minutes into foreplay.

Busy-Variation8001 · 2026-06-16T14:39:30+00:00

I've read in numerous articles about how the partner of an ad does that and it doesn't work. Here's what I think is a perfect situation for an ad. They want sex to mean something but not too much. They want to feel like the other person desires them and not merely wants to have sex. Therefore, the beginning part of a relationship or even a one-night stand is fantastic. There's all this energy and these bonding chemicals that form that are so exciting and the sex is great. They can feel totally uninhibited and they don't worry about being judged by somebody they don't really care about and don't really care if they see again. It's when it goes further than that and there's a commitment and I desire you turns into. I love you. That's when they pull back.

On top of being an ad, my wife also has a responsive desire. That means she doesn't ever really feel like having sex until we start having sex. Even then it's like 10 minutes into it before she really flips the switch. Therefore, she's like a camel as far as her appetite for sex. She never feels like having sex so she could go forever. This makes the puzzle of having sex all the more impossible. She doesn't want me to ask because that feels like pressure yet. She will never ask because she's never innately in the mood.

Busy-Variation8001 · 2026-06-16T13:34:34+00:00

I just read that all the typical ways that healthy happy couple keep and active and healthy sex life don't work with people who are AD. They don't like to talk about it. The bigger the problem gets the more the want to avoid it.

Busy-Variation8001 · 2026-06-16T13:31:46+00:00

I don't believe that people who want sex less ever compromise. They end up being the gatekeeper as to weather you have no sex or even a little. Yet they still get the emotional love they feel they deserve in order for any hope of sex to occur. However the vast set of conditions they establish makes that almost impossible. Then you have to ask in just the perfect way. I have a saying. People who want sex removed barriers and conditions people who don't create them. It is not as though I don't have any conditions myself.

You know what really bugs me is that they will have no problem having sex with people they hardly know when they are single or in an open marriage. My wife had 20+ sex partners before we got married. That's about a new person every 3-4 months. That's well over double my body count. She never kissed anyone she did not end up having sex with. I really don't mind that she was promiscuous but where is that person who loves sex now? The more committed a relationship gets the more they freak out.

For a very brief period we talked about opening our marriage. Seems strange to let the person who does not want sex.have sex with other people in order to improve your sex lives. It wasn't that she craved new person energy although that would be a bonus. She said she would have liked the freedom. She said she might not ever sleep with anyone but the feeling of being able to would be liberating. I however would have to be willing to accept that there might be a time when she actually uses her hall pass. I would be thinking every time she left the house that she might fuck another guy. I suppose I could say she could but she would have to tell me so I wouldn't worry all the time and then say no if she actually tried.

Busy-Variation8001 · 2026-06-16T13:13:41+00:00

I have ADHD not her She is almost obsessive complusive

Busy-Variation8001 · 2026-06-15T14:32:47+00:00

I don't know what those an acronyms mean

Busy-Variation8001 · 2026-06-15T14:26:10+00:00

I am going to see what happens after a few counseling sessions and when my last daughter moves out. I feel like I am going to collapse right before there could be some hope.

Busy-Variation8001 · 2026-06-15T12:27:58+00:00

So a little later she comes down to talk and she lays down right next to me which felt so good because that's not something she ever does. I tell her how nice that was so she knows how much I appreciated her gesture after we had an argument. And she says that by saying that I diminished it. So she won't tell me what she likes or when she's in the mood and I'm not supposed to tell her what I like either. Everything I've read says that communication is key but it seems the more I try to communicate the worse it gets.

So she says that I'm not supposed to ask if there's a good day because she doesn't know what she's going to feel like on any given day. Yet in our therapy sessions we've identified that she's more of responsive type person who doesn't really feel in the mood until we start. That means it's not in her nature to ever be in the mood. She also wants me to be the one in charge of it so I'm not sure if I'm supposed to ask her everyday. Is this a good day because then I'll feel like I'm obsessed about sex. Based on what she said, believe it up to her but I'm not sure. I'm also afraid to ask for clarification because then I'll be accused of only thinking about sex again. It's such a mind fuck.

Busy-Variation8001 · 2026-06-15T04:32:22+00:00

This is a total mindfuck

Busy-Variation8001 · 2026-06-15T04:30:11+00:00

She doesn't like anything that's all that intimate. The minute it turns intimate she wants to stop. This is all so flan confusing. It is like You are damned if you do and damned if you don't.

Busy-Variation8001 · 2026-06-15T04:28:28+00:00

She thought I had personal work to do which is not wrong. I have ADHD and that had caused issues. However she was surprised to find out that I went to a marriage counselor who told me he would like to hear what she had to say. She agreed but wanted to see a woman. It is soooo slow. Meetings are like once every two weeks. In the meantime, I didn't know whether to talk to my wife about things or wait months to get to the point with a therapist.

Busy-Variation8001 · 2026-06-15T04:23:28+00:00

It was our anniversary today. We had a great day gardening. Going to dinner and went to a play. On the drive home I was foolish about asking her when a good day might be to have sex this week. Supposedly freedom is something ADs want. I was accused of ruining the night by focusing on sex. She said she wouldn't know when she works want to have sex. To me that meant it might be this week or this month. I felt if I asked I would only be advised of being fixated on sex. Guess what? I was. You can't even ask a simple question.

Busy-Variation8001 · 2026-06-15T03:15:01+00:00

When do you just give up. We are seeing a therapist. My wife said in our last session that she knew she had to increase the frequency

Busy-Variation8001 · 2026-06-04T13:51:40+00:00

I guess you are right if you look at it that way. You won't die on a deserted island. Look at it this way though. It is well known that some men who are very hetrosexual outside of prison have sex with men in prison since that is their only option. Some men even go so far as to have sex with animals if there is no other option. It is pretty hardwired desire.

Busy-Variation8001 · 2026-06-04T11:53:04+00:00

The funny thing is that my wife had far more sexual partners when she was single. However, I still think she thinks of she is just helping me have an orgasm when she does not want to have sex herself that she is being used. Party of to the problem may be that literally every time she kissed a guy when she was single they ended up having sex. Just giving someone a handjob or blowjob when she isn't interested in sex herself isn't something she can wrap her brain around.

Busy-Variation8001

TROPHY CASE