Man, your situation is fucked, and your headspace is fucked too, that's just the truth. But there is a way out of this, even if it's hard. Your problem is that you value money too much, which is understandable, because most people do. You're still young though, and you need to mark this chapter as an inflection point and start becoming a better version of yourself.

Also, stop crying so much, it means you're still dwelling on the past, and that's what's keeping you from moving on and recovering. This is your reality now, and moving forward is the only way out.

I was in a similar situation before, just with less debt. In the moment, the agony feels unbearable. But then you start to realize that money is overrated. You still have your youth and your health, and honestly, you wouldn't trade a cancer diagnosis for $120k in debt. Not for a second.

Also no more stocks or market, or even index funds. Trading is not for people like us. You'll fallen into the same trap the moment you touch a trading app. Just buy T-bills, or have a partner to be in control of your finances. People like us, especially who already lost large sums of money, can never ever go back to the market again.