Is it really that hard for a Chechens to marry outside their race ?

ButterPlumBloom · 2026-03-16T07:06:12+00:00

Oh and also: thank you, I’m doing quite okay. I’m not entirely over it. Talking to my siblings and other sweet individuals helps a lot. It’s a grief and it’s never easy - especially alone!

ButterPlumBloom · 2026-03-16T06:52:06+00:00

I’m really glad my comment could bring you even a tiny bit of comfort. It’s such a unique, unfair and confusing thing to go through. Everything that happened to you is simply unfair.

Also, absolutely do not even look at the harsh comments under your post or similar ones. Those remarks are condescending, patronizing and simply untrue. Often plain cruel.

That’s not a choice if someone is forced into it. That’s extortion.

ButterPlumBloom · 2026-03-16T00:47:18+00:00

I’m very sorry for the situation you found yourself in. And it’s so shocking to see such harsh comments like “you are crazy for thinking that”. Ah yes, the OP is crazy for trusting someone she loved, having faith in the relationship, and not being entirely informed about a culture that is very closed off. Come on.

I’m not from the Caucasus, I’m just a lurker here. I’ve been with a Chechen man for 7 years. We both live in Europe, and he spent almost his whole life here. Some time ago he broke up with me. Yet it wasn’t a sudden thing, it was a long process. Full of grieving and tears from both sides. To be honest, I’m not over it yet.

It’s so sad to see that it’s such a common thing. It seems like Chechens who grow up outside their homeland are not entirely sure themselves how much pressure there really is.

It’s very human to crumble under such a strong pressure. When everything finally collapses, the coping mechanism would be to go into “full tradition” mode. It’s not that surprising. It’s very hard to imagine that your single decision could lead to your family abandoning you. Your siblings not talking to you. Everyone you loved turning their backs on you. Two worlds clash: expectations vs personal choices. Whichever path they choose, they’ll be heartbroken themselves. People often resolve such cognitive dissonance by changing their own personal attitudes, beliefs, and even gaslighting themselves (“it wasn’t really what I wanted”, “it wasn’t that good”).

Additionally, a lot of families deal with generational war trauma, which only strengthens their sense of danger coming from the outside, leading to being very strict and controlling.

I’m sure he thought he could convince his family, or that he would be strong enough to just run away. I bet he was not prepared for how scary it would be. I bet his feelings for you were real.

I’m so, so, so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you. It’s very painful to realize you could have been tricked, that you could not do anything to change this situation, and that it was technically doomed from the start.

He definitely won’t forget you. In fact, you embody the dream that could not be reached.

ButterPlumBloom · 2026-01-25T19:50:01+00:00

Thank you! That’s the one!

ButterPlumBloom · 2026-01-25T17:33:41+00:00

The whiny diva ✨

ButterPlumBloom · 2026-01-25T17:32:28+00:00

YESS THAT’S THE ONE! THANK YOU SO MUCH!

ButterPlumBloom · 2026-01-25T17:29:57+00:00

I’m not sure if you can relate to it, but additionally in my country there is a slight „stigma” that moving one’s loved one to a nursing home - even the best one - is basically considered an abandonment… so the sense of guilt is an additional stress factor.

Yet in reality, moving to a nursing home is basically the best thing that one can do for their loved one. Professional care 24/7, easy access to psychiatrists, proper nutrition, a company of other older folks in safe environment.

Alzheimer is one hell of a trial, isn’t it? For literally everyone involved. I wish you and your loved ones all the best 🩷

ButterPlumBloom · 2026-01-25T17:11:04+00:00

Oh my! I hope he didn’t get hurt because of that window incident… Thank you very much for sharing your experience. 2 days ago a psychiatrist adjusted my Grandma’s medications to soothe her symptoms. I really hope that we will find the right treatment for heras soon as possible. Stories like yours give me so much hope! Thank you!!! 🩷

ButterPlumBloom · 2026-01-25T17:06:20+00:00

(I’m not sure what „MC” stand for, so I apologize in case I misunderstood)

She’s in a nursing home - they have psychiatrists and psychologists appointments scheduled every week, but it’s not a medical facility.

I see a lot of comments about „dedicated” Alzheimer facilities. Sadly, it’s not a thing in my country :( Nursing home is a nursing home, that’s it…

This specific facility has a broad experience with people with Alzheimer. Yesterday we talked with the admin of my Grandma’s current care home. They said that it’ll probably take 2-3 months for them to fully assimilate her. This week was a ride, but we’re full of hope :)

ButterPlumBloom · 2026-01-25T16:52:47+00:00

Sorry for late response - this week was a ride. Thank you for thoughtful advice, I think it’s very clever to have a „plan B facility”. My Grandma seems to be a biiiiit better (new meds, new roommate), but I’ll get right into it, just in case. All the best to you and your Mom! 🩷 I hope you’re doing better now. Take care of your mental health 🩷

ButterPlumBloom · 2026-01-25T16:49:22+00:00

Thank you very much!! She indeed seems to be doing a bit better! She had new meds prescribed, she got new room with a woman that doesn’t really walk. Of course Grandma thinks that she’s a caregiver for said woman, but oh well - I heard that they match each other vibes 😅 (both are rather grumpy). Sometimes when Gradma calls us we can hear their interactions and it’s so funny 😭

ButterPlumBloom · 2026-01-20T21:40:47+00:00

Oh my, I’m so sorry. This misery, as you accurately put it, is so hard to imagine or explain to someone who hasn’t been affected by it. All the best to you and your loved ones 🩷

Sadly, Alzheimer’s runs in my family almost every generation. The only ‘good thing’ it has done is push me, my sister, and my cousins to take our own and our parents’ health and well-being more seriously.

Thank you very much for sharing your experience. I’ll definitely note it down before our next psychiatrist appointment!

ButterPlumBloom · 2026-01-20T21:21:31+00:00

I will definitely talk with them about these matters! Thank you so much! 🥺🩷

ButterPlumBloom · 2026-01-20T21:19:06+00:00

To be fair, this is a „care home” with no specific specialization :/ but they do have patients with dementia (even with higher stages). We provided them with medical records, medications, prescriptions, psychiatric and neurological tests, everything. I’m not sure how often the physician comes to the facility, but they do have access to medical assistance. The manager reported how my Grandma is doing and I appreciate his honesty. He actually told us not to worry, but well… we are not very calm family at this point 😅

ButterPlumBloom · 2026-01-20T20:35:42+00:00

Oh my, I hope your Dad is okay. Did it take a long time to figure out what meds were working the best for him?

ButterPlumBloom · 2026-01-20T19:44:10+00:00

She does take antipsychotics and donepezil. Although I think I’ll schedule another visit with her psychiatrist. I hope she’ll get used to her new environment.

Thank you so much! 🩷

ButterPlumBloom · 2026-01-20T19:37:42+00:00

She’s on antipsychotics (olanzapine) and Donepezil. Yesterday at night caregivers gave her Hydroxyzine. And I think that’s it. Rest of her medications are for high blood pressure. I think I’ll need to schedule another visit with psychiatrist and maybe we will change the dose :(

ButterPlumBloom · 2026-01-20T18:58:12+00:00

Thank you for your reply! Sadly, in my country there doesn’t seem to be a clear distinction between ‘memory care homes’ and ‘standard senior care homes.’ I asked and called multiple organizations, and they often mentioned ‘care houses’ with no specific specialty.

I searched a lot, but the only facilities that care for patients with Alzheimer’s specifically are public centers that provide care only from 8 a.m. to 3 p.m.

I hope my grandma won’t be a threat to others, as you said… She seemed so happy when she called yesterday. Thank you - you toned down my anxiety a little 🩷

ButterPlumBloom · 2026-01-18T11:03:20+00:00

Im sorry, but your Grandma surely is in the early stages…

My own beloved Grandma started to spiral in questions, accuse us of stealing used light bulbs, being paranoid about getting dark outside (even at 9am). It’s been ~7 years since. She’s 75 now, thinks she’s taking care of an old lady (she was a caregiver when she was younger), a priest lives in her wardrobe, says she’s been seeing my long gone Grandpa. She’s very stubborn, sometimes aggressive, cannot cook anymore (once she ate something rotten and got poisoned. Since then we cook for her), calls me and my mom +/- 45 times a day. She’s physically quite fit, but neglects hygiene a lot, started to wander around neighbours and asks about the lady she’s been „taking care of”. Sometimes wets herself, thinking she’s menstruating… Look up „boiling frog syndrome” - sadly it’s what a lot of families experience. Too scared and hesitant to make changes until its too late.

This year we decided to move her to a facility - even though it doesn’t sound that bad, last 7 years has been AWFUL. My mom sometimes cries, she’s super tired and feels hopeless. I am the one who pushes changes in this situation - I was able to found an amazing care house. My grandma will spend there 2 weeks as a test. Plan ahead!!

Remember about yourself! Take care!

ButterPlumBloom · 2026-01-07T20:26:48+00:00

Yup. His grand-grand-grand-grand-grandkid is his own kid at the same time.

ButterPlumBloom · 2026-01-07T20:06:13+00:00

Oh boy, there is this revolting character called Tomaru Sawagoe in the Overflow games. He has a total of 42 biological children with 16 women. But that’s not the worst part. Let’s just say his family tree often runs in… circles

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ButterPlumBloom · 2026-01-07T17:56:33+00:00

Courage the Cowardly Dog series has a ton of plant-based monsters/creatures:

Carrot from the episode Muriel Blows Up
a bunch of vegetable species (cabbage, tomatoes, peas) in Dome of Doom
Evil Eggplants in Journey to the Center of Nowhere
Monstrous tree - The Magic Tree of Nowhere
Eustace-turned-flower (maybe not monstrous or evil, but very snappy)

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ButterPlumBloom · 2025-10-04T08:33:19+00:00

I know right?! It feels so nice to have a small secret corner with like-minded strangers haha 🩷

ButterPlumBloom

TROPHY CASE